Several AMAZING dates, 1 bad date, not pursuing

[Kwothe28]

19 minutes ago, gamon said:

How can he apologize for being himself if he can't even accept that's who he is?

That is coming with assumption that he is some alcoholic who drinks every weekend with his friends. And not somebody who has just made a mistake and is willing to learn from his mistakes. People are allowed to make mistakes. Say bad things, even do them. They are also allowed to learn from those mistakes and act better. He can also learn from this. For this one or probably some next girl. And not to make those mistakes again.

19 minutes ago, gamon said:

Now imagine she's sitting there feeling stung yet again, thinking about how yet another prospective relationship partner turned out to be yet another huge disappointment and a bouquet of flowers shows up from him.

She'd probably toss them in the garbage, it would do nothing to change her mind and probably just add insult to injury.

Or she can, you know, maybe see that he is really regreting his actions and that he cares about continuing what they had.

Also, again, so what if she doesnt accept his apology? Its his to try to honestly and cincerelly apologize and to show that he trully made a mistake and regrets it. Its hers to accept that or dont. If she accepts that, good. If she doesnt, OK life goes on. For both of them.

I have a feeling you are coming with an assumption that she is some kind of a mythical being. A perfect 10. While he is just some bum alcoholic. In a reality they are both just humans that liked each other. Where he wants to apologize for his mistake. I do agree that its futile if it happens again though. Then there is trully no need to even try.

[reinventmyself]

On 8/29/2022 at 11:35 AM, gq7mss said:

She responded "hey love, things are super busy yada yada, long text about her work but that she could see me the following week.  

I said sure let's set a definite date, when are you free?  She never responded to that text. It's been probably a week and a half since then.

 

This part stood out to me.

Given the circumstances things are fragile at this point and she could have been taking the time and space to let this marinate and make a firm decision.  Early dating people are still forming an opinion of you.  Doing something like this so early on is often unforgivable.

Yet, in a brief text apology (you should have called her and spoken to her personally) you insist on a guarantee of a next date.  Had you respected her obvious misgivings, you should have handled this request cautiously instead of trying to lock it down.  She was likely on the fence at this point and how you managed your attempt at damage control likely turned her away indefinitely.

[MissCanuck]

This is an awful lot of mental gymnasitcs and over-thinking for a fairly simple situation. 

An interested woman would have responded to you by now, OP.  

[gq7mss]

I refuse to let someone attack my character. I asked for assistance with a situation with a female not for someone to make assumptions about me and then run with it. 

I have loads of success with women. I have been in multiple successful long term relationships where partners wanted to marry me and we ended things on good terms. I'm in good standings with almost all these women to this day. I am regarded as a man with integrity, morals, who is empathic, caring, and thoughtful.  I have loads of respect and love within my family, social circle, and work place.  

I had a 1 OFF situation, I rarely have more than 1-2 drinks on dates. Plenty of dates without drinking whatsoever.  And there absolutely has never been a situation where I showed up the way I did for that one bad date and bad decision on my part (I fully take blame). 

If you're going to use this thread as a way to bash me, project your previous experiences with certain men or try to type cast me as someone I'm not, or judge someone you've never met nor spoken with, do me a favor and save yourself the time and skip posting. 

Everyone has made it clear, I don't think this one can be salvaged, it's time to let this one go and chalk it up as a lesson. Moving on... 


 

[gamon]

28 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

If you're going to use this thread as a way to bash me, project your previous experiences with certain men and try to type cast me as them

Assuming this post is at least partially directed towards me, I'll offer up that I've never dated or slept with a man.

 

[gamon]

30 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

I refuse to let someone attack my character. I asked for assistance with a situation with a female not for someone to make assumptions about me and then run with it.

Our actions define us. This woman knew you for 2 weeks & 4 dates (or something like that).

1/4 you were drunk and rude. She's thinking it's not a once in a lifetime thing. And -as far as the purpose of this thread- what she thinks is all that matters.

They way you have attempted to deal with the situation is another matter entirely and clearly  you do not want to go there because you see it as "being judged and people making assumptions".

When these things happen to you - and these women suddenly "flip" from being really into you to disappearing (which is not normal), try to see things from their perspective for a change, rather than making it all about you.

 

[gq7mss]

This is where you're absolutely wrong gamon. Your mistakes don't define who you are. It's what you do after you have made the mistakes that makes all the difference. Every mistake you make is a learning experience. They don't make you less capable. But it's how you correct them or learn from them that defines you. No one is perfect. You can allow them to define you but I won't. 

It has nothing to do with me of course when discussing her possibly reconsidering continuing to date me. At this point what she thinks is irrelevant as well as continuing to deep dive, contemplate, worry, or try to over analyze since I've decided not to reach out or try to amend things and push her further away. Now it's about me and moving forward and has 0 to do with her. 

It's all pretty simple and at this point we are beating a dead horse.  I appreciate everyone else's responses, not to be rude but I'm not finding your posts helpful though I still thank you for chiming in. 

[gamon]

2 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

This is where you're absolutely wrong gamon. Your mistakes don't define who you are. It's what you do after you have made the mistakes that makes all the difference.

Yeah, cheaters say the same thing about their affairs. "I made a mistake".

A "mistake" is pouring salt in your coffee because you thought it was sugar.

Making the decision to drink all day with your buddies (or have sex outside of a committed relationship) isn't a mistake - it's a choice.

How you chose to deal with the woman after she made it clear she was done because clearly your irresponsible heavy drinking isn't a "one time thing", and making it all about what YOU want speaks volumes more.

Your actions define you. Your lack of accountability is appalling.

By the way- when you post publically on an anonymous relationship forum you don't get to tell others what they can and cannot respond with, but if you're offended there's an "Ignore" feature specifically for that purpose.

 

 

 

 

[gq7mss]

You're projecting, I don't agree with what you're saying at all. There is no accountability needed to be taken when it's blatantly obvious the 1 off mistake I made and I've learned my lesson. Also comparing a bad decision to drink prior to a date to s serial cheater is nonsensical and ridiculous. Have a good day gamon, I ask kindly you not respond to this thread anymore as it appears you have nothing positive nor constructive to contribute.  Also just to reiterate:

Your mistakes don't define who you are. It's what you do after you have made the mistakes that makes all the difference. Every mistake you make is a learning experience. They don't make you less capable. But it's how you correct them or learn from them that defines you. No one is perfect. You can allow them to define you but I won't. 

 

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't want flowers under these circumstances. Sending flowers would be saying "I don't care what you want, I'm going to bust in anyway".

I'm glad you've decided to move on. Everyone should want someone who truly wants to be with them, not someone you have to try to convince with cheesy Hollywood romance movie stunts.