I think I'm becoming addicted and I don't care.

[CrazyWife]

As someone who is sober and continues to struggle with alcohol cravings, I can tell you that it only gets worse. I used to be able to limit my drinking to when i wanted and enjoyed the so called party lifestyle but eventually the party stopped.  

If you are drinking before work, which i have done in the past, you run the high risk of getting fired. I would drink before work (even though i always promised myself i would never drink in the morning) and after work. I eventually started drinking to just feel 'normal' and content in myself.  

I tried to control it but it was controlling me the whole time. Alcohol addiction creeps up on you gradually and before you know it you are looking back wondering how in hell it happened. 

You say you don't care, well i didn't either regardless of the negative consequences. Trust me, it will be having an impact on your work performance. I was always hungover at work and promising myself each day that I wouldn't drink that night. Well what did i do at 5pm? Yes you guessed it, poured myself another large glass. Even when i always had regrets from the night before. I used to phone my husband every morning to check that he wasn't mad at me. Yes that was my life. 

Your story resonates with me so much and it's how my downward spiral started. Please seek professional help before it is too late. Alcohol is one of the most addictive drugs on the planet and takes too many lives. Don't become a statistic, you are worth more. Take control back and I promise you that you won't regret it.

 

[catfeeder]

On 8/26/2022 at 2:54 AM, TacticalLinguine said:

Grandfather died. Peacefully in his sleep at home. 

Was doing better for some time, now drinking out of control again. Can't catch a break. 

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope you will continue to post. You'll just need to factor in that with millions of people in the world, you're bound to encounter people who each have our own fears and triggers when it comes to mixing alcohol with 'living.'

People typically drink because it 'works'. Until it doesn't. That's when the body's tolerance takes all the fun away, and there's no 'buzz' to be had. This is when we can become intoxicated without feeling a thing.

But others can tell, and while they may not say anything directly to you at work, that doesn't mean you haven't earned a rep--or you won't.

I hope you'll consider only going to work sober, and experiment with whether you can last a full 48 hours without drinking. Note what happens, or whether you find it simple.

I hope you'll give you liver this kind of rest and learn whether you find this to be difficult.

Head high.

[SherrySher]

On behalf of all the decent posters on this site, I want to offer my sincere apologies with how you were treated.

Not all the posters on here are judgmental like that, hurtful like that, or harmful like that, in fact that majority of the long time posters aren't.

However, that doesn't excuse what was done, and I am sorry.

I want to address your issues with alcoholism.

I myself am a recovered alcoholic.

It is difficult enough with having the courage to seek help, and ask for help and to try to actually overcome such a difficult addiction, the last thing anyone needs, is to be given a hard time once they seek out help and advice.

I want you to know that you are headed in the right direction though for seeking out help, and if no one has told you this, I am very, very proud of you for taking those first steps!!!

I hope you continue down the path of healing, because although it's a difficult one, it is so worth it!

Find what caused you to use alcohol to cope, find the parts inside of you that still need to be healed. Once you find out what it is that is holding you back, things will start to fall into place.

No one decides to use alcohol to destroy their own lives, something inside of us, whether that be past, or current trauma, stress, anxiety, etc...is creating such inner turmoil that we seek out something like alcohol as a way to cope.

But there is a way to overcome it, to be strong enough to find out what needs to heal, and to become healed.

There will always be set backs, so expect that, but stay strong with it. Keep on the path you are determined to be on, and that's the path of healing.

Lastly, forgive YOURSELF. I know it's so easy to overlook that, but when we are in a bad place like this and using alcohol to cope, we can blame ourselves, guilt ourselves, even hate ourselves.

It's very difficult to have decent self esteem or self worth when we are going through this.

But FORGIVE YOURSELF.

You are human, you were/are hurting, you did what you could to cope and you are taking steps to find better, and more healthier ways to cope.

You are valuable, worthy, and worthy of love. 

Don't forget that, okay?

 I am sorry I haven't been on much and wasn't on your thread to be able to reply until now. 

I hope you get to read this.

Absolute sensitivity, non judgement, and kindness is needed whenever someone is brave enough to speak their truths, admit their wrong doings and are seeking help. 

I also want to remind everyone that despite being in pain, please do not pick up the car keys.

I know you already mentioned you won't do this anymore, OP, but it is absolutely vital that drinking and driving stops as it can destroy lives.

Much love to you, OP. I hope you are okay.

[SherrySher]

Updating my reply: I re-read and realized that you had not said you ever drink and drove.

Apologies for the mistake. 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/27/2022 at 9:07 AM, TacticalLinguine said:

I'm no victim, am a musician on the side and compete in combat sports as a hobby. a danger to his nieces and fellow citizens. 

Are you an aunt or an uncle? All you can do is see if AA, therapy or inpatient treatment is an option for you. It seems posters are struggling to condone the drinking since you claim it bothers you.

[1a1a]

If you venture back onto this thread (I know I sometimes want to hide from mine), then I offer you these thoughts; if you stand without the crutch of alcohol the pain will be excruciating. Of course it is, you wouldn’t have reached for the crutch if standing unassisted wasn’t awful. But this kind of pain (the grief of losing loved ones), the only way to heal it is to feel it, the only way past the storm is through. And every day you drink, you stay in the middle of the storm, temporarily avoiding excruciating pain by making yourself numb.
 

Speaking as a non drinker (never have, don’t know what I’m missing), these are the tools I have used to bare that excruciating pain; intense physical exercise, journaling (lately I have been doing this in the third person, I read somewhere that by writing about myself in the third person I could help depersonalise the situations that were upsetting me a little), at the end of the day, I make a note of three things I’m grateful for. Really think about them, imagine myself back in the place where they happened, remember how I felt and consciously redirecting my mind when upsetting thoughts come up, either to the present moment (focussing on breathing, sounds, smells, sensations) or I think about something really pleasant (snuggling my rats, I imagine how soft their fur is, how my heart expands when I’m cuddling them). 

I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope you succeed in finding some care and making your way through the storm. I’m cheering for you. 

[hundal]

Alcohol is one of the most dangerous addictions, To avoid it, make new hobbies, start making friends, be busy, this makes mind diverse. If not controlled, start consulting a specialist as this may help a lot.