I can never get him to orgasm - need help.

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

I've been sexually active with my boyfriend for about 2 months now.

 

But, it seems everytime we do anything he never seems to climax. I, selfishly never seem to have a problem.

 

I tell him though that I am sorry that he never gets to "finish", and he says it's not a deal with him. Only that I am happy, and I have a good time, and that's all that matters to him.

 

But, I feel so bad - he has such stamina. At least I think it's stamina, but what could it be.

 

We go and go and go and nothing ever happens.

 

But, I want to make him climax. And I've read over these posts and notice that everyone gives excellent advice on this board - and so my question goes. . .

 

Woman, Gentlemen - is there anything I can do that will make him just, scream ---- go, to be blunt?

 

All advice is appreciated.

[Mr Meh]

Wow here's an opposite of the norm....

 

Have you taken precautions for pregnancy and discussed where the ejaculation is going to go? If he's worried about where, that might be an issue (ie scared to do it inside, too shy to do it on your belly). Assuming you are not using condoms I guess. If you are, are they comfortable and give him sensation??

Having never had that problem myself (except for the above situations) I got nothing....

[kungfumaster]

That is really strange - maybe the next time you do it, tell him that you're concerned that he doesn't climax, and if there's anything he would like you to do to help him climax??

[ReadyorNot]

I had the same problem with a guy back when I was 17. We met online (he was from my town) and we dated for two months... I could never get him off (hand jobs and blow jobs)... He was so frustrated... never figured out what it was, and I wonder if he had that problem with his next gf...

[Drizown]

omg ive had that problem twice now. but both resulted in problem solved. guys get slef conscious just as much as we do so check and make sure thats not the issue. finally make sure hes not thinking about anything else, (if hes stressed out or distracted this could be an issue). Try and make sure like the tv is off so hes focussing on his pleasure and not something else. If stress is the case give him a pre-back massage or anything that will relax him. If none of that works i can tell you some different techniques ive picked up. Just let me know.

[Apple]

i hadnt read through the posts when I posted my own..."it takes him a while" My bf of nearly 2 YEARS is almost the same way. He will come about 8/10 times but it takes for ever. Is your guy a very serious character? Is he tense a lot? Maybe the previous posters are correct in that he is self conscious. Im so curious about how this happens.

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

No.

 

I would not say he is ever really tense or serious. He's always in a laid back mood and relaxed around me - or at least I hope he is.

 

 

I'm agreeing with everyone else's words that he may just be nervous. I think in his mind he has it that if he ejaculated while we were having s-e-x or something I'd be let down. Or, he get's highly distracted or is just nervous about doing that sort of thing in front of me.

 

But, anymore advice is welcome. And thank you all.

[Mr Meh]

I think in his mind he has it that if he ejaculated while we were having s-e-x or something I'd be let down

 

When's he supposed to ejaculate, at dinner?

 

I agree with kungfumaster's advice. There are so many possibilities that talking seems to be the only way. Maybe when he was young he had a premature ejaculation and was laughed at which "permanently" damaged his self esteem. Maybe you moan too much, too little. Maybe he needs a lifesize cardboard cutout of Wilford Brimley in the room to be able to cum. Too many possibilities to leave up to guessing. And don't settle for his response "it's no big deal, as long as you're happy" because that will not work in the long run.

[bellamcb]

My friend is having the exact same problem with her boyfriend. It's driving her crazy and affecting their sex life. He said it's happened in the past with other gf's but that it usually ended after a couple of months. It's been over a year and I think he's "finished" maybe 8 or 10 times total. She went online and did some research and then even asked her doctor. She found out that the number one reason this is a problem for some men is a fear of getting someone pregnant. I have no idea if that's your problem but some guys apparently are subconsciously so fearful of having a kid it inhibits them.

 

In my friend's case, he has no problem ejaculating when he masturbates which really bugs her. Do you know if it's a problem for your guy?

 

The worst part about this for women (and for my friend who may marry this guy and will want to get pregnant) is that there is no such thing as a quicky and let's face it, those really are the best.

[tsunami2005]

Ejaculatory Dysfunction is a complex problem, which mostly points to psychological reasons that can only be sorted out by a sexologist. Reasons for this can be anything from getting used to masturbation so much that the speed of movement in sexual intercourse may not be enough for the guy to ejaculate to deeprooted fear of sexual intimacy. Nature of treatment varies from case to case and while some are very simple to solve, some may take years of therapy.

 

Try if any of these works:

Not to masturbate by himself and especially never alone for the next few weeks

Try woman on top positions. Some guys get used to ejaculating laying back while masturbating.

 

Try not to focus on ejaculation at all.

 

Try prolonged forplay.

 

If nothing can do the trick, visit a sexologist.

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

Like how much is too much masturbation to have this problem?

[sam_i-am]

hey my b/f is like that it takes a while to get him off but then he does but i want to know if this is normal and what i can do about it he gets so mad cause he cant sometimes

[nomadhutner]

I am a guy how has had the problem of not being able to finish up during sex. i last too long for my partners who usually finish and start to get sore and annoyed or hurt that i have not finished. my most recent partner seems to get her feelings hurt if she can't make me finish before she does. i have Pearly Penile Papules, which in my case dull the feeling in the tip of my penis.

 

Background: Pearly penile papules are small dome-shaped to filiform skin-colored papules that typically are located on the sulcus or corona of the glans penis. Commonly, lesions are arranged circumferentially in one or several rows and often are assumed wrongly to be transmitted sexually.

 

it take very specific movements to result in climax and this may be the case with other guys who last too long.

[fallslikerain]

I have this problem too

 

I think its caused by feeling pressured to ejaculate because I feel like my partner is getting annoyed that it is taking too long and she just wants the sex to be over with, which is a real turnoff. If i'm not fully aroused i'm not going to come, even though I can penetrate her with a half erection.

 

Also i've been under a lot of stress and the fact that i stress out over sex now only leads to more problems.

 

I'm trying very hard to stop masterbating and coming on my own, which I find it very hard to go 4 days. I feel that this has helped me a lot with the sustaining an erection.

 

Body image might also play into things, as I have little to no problems keeping an erection when my clothes are on(despite the embarsment it sometimes causes) but when my clothes are off I sometimes have problems.

 

I've also been trying to think of what part of sex I usually lose my erection and its almost always as i'm putting on a condom so i've been practicing putting it on with one hand as I kiss my girlfriend, which is a lot trickier with someone else than it is by yourself. At first I thought my stamina had to do with the condom cutting off all feelings, I like sex a zillion times better without one, but when i'm on my own, even wearing a thick condom i can get myself off rather quickly.

 

hope any of this helps you

[Mermaid]

Some questions:

 

1) Does he masturbate? If so, is he able to bring himself to orgasm?

 

2) Can he orgasm during oral sex, or when you're stimulating him manually (i.e. with your hand)?

 

3) During intercourse, is he wearing a condom?

 

4) How long do his erections last?

 

5) After you've orgasmed and your sexual "session" is over, does his erection go down on its own?

 

And regarding the condom issue that has been raised: A lot of men, my boyfriend included, have trouble with condoms. My boyfriend absolutely can't come wearing a condom, but without one he has powerful orgasms. Fortunately, we're both mature adults in a longterm, committed relationship and long ago stopped using condoms and are relying solely on the pill for birth control. If that's not an option for you (and you guys haven't been together very long, so it shouldn't be), there are different kinds of condoms you can try. Perhaps adjusting the size (for a better fit) and reducing the thickness (to increase sensitivity) would be helpful.

[Audreylovesron]

My boyfriend says he loves it when I lay him down with that "Are you ready for a night to remember" smile, slowly take off his pants, and start giving him head, and I look up at him every once in a while with those eyes. He says he also loves it when I am on top (he is sitting down) and I fling my hair to one side, he says that it gets him more aroused. Maybe these might help you, if not I have more!!!!!! I will talk to him more, you wont get much info frm chicks, what do they know, they dont have a peanus, you got to go directly to the men and compair what they like. Or if in the past yall did something that aroused him do something along the line, but a little more kinkier. Or wear something that either brings back some great memories, or something that you know will help create new ones.

[caasiopia68]

ooooook guys dont scream... lol they dont orgasm either... they get pleasure... id say hold off of it for a while maybe hes jsut used to getting it so often that it doesnt even seem anything special...

[Cydeways]

I know from experience, that, if im going to orgasm and i dont want to i can actually "flex" down there, and still orgasm, but no semen/sperm comes out, at all, and i can keep going, anyone else heard or done somthing like that or am i a freak.

[elveden]

I would reccomend - a lot of foreplay - get him really worked up..

[Mermaid]

Is anyone else horrified that this post was from a 13-year-old???

[Cydeways]

lol, yes.

[san]

Like how much is too much masturbation to have this problem?

 

I had this problem for a long time..till recently..out of 10 times i had sex with someone, i could come only 2 times on average..

 

I know its a complex problem..I did a lot of reasearch too and can easily point out the main reasons...

 

1. Lack of arousal...some people need a higher limit of arousal to get off than other people..i could rarely come in a missionary position or if my partner is in a hury to get me off...if my partner would show slight amount of annoyance with me for not coming, i could never come...The best advise would be to be patient, even if takes more than an hour, never encourage him verbally to come.., just tell him he is doing a nice job and you are really enjoying it..in short never put him under pressure to come..

 

2. Porn: Some people who watch a lot of porn get really disillusioned while performing the actual act...they easily get bored with normal sex..also if your bf earlier had sex with a wannabe porn star, he might expect the same stunts from you..best advice here would be to either watch porn with him and be prepared to copy or make the porn unavailble to him..

 

2. Masturbation: people who maturbate at leisure find ways to prolong their pre ejacularory feelings..and may vary their strokes for an hour before ejaculating...conditioning the penis to handle normal pressure and friction without ejaculation...and when they really want to ejaculate they just increase the pressure on their penis to reach the point of no return...When these people engage in normal intercourse the pressure and friction exerted by vagina is akin to the friction and pressure exerted by their hand during masturbation to which their penis is already used to handle without ejaculation...They definitely need something "extra" for them to ejaculate...changing to certain positions where you can give more friction and pressure to the penis is definitely advisable..

 

3. Being over caring: some guys are soo....unselfish... All they care about is emotional and sexual satisfaction of their partner..They will maintain an erection and may give multiple orgasms to their partner but their full concentration during love act will be to solely satisfy their partner ignoring their own needs...these people would come with a prostitute or with a girl about whose feelings they don't care about, whom they can ram without care...Watch out if your guy is extra respectful to you and treats you like an angel..ejaculation is a selfish act and the guy has to be selfish during sex act in order to come..

 

4. Lack of libido: simple means lack of Testosterone..the male harmone..in these individuals..the secretion of testosterone is less than the normal level..it could be due to both physical or psychological issues. These guys would normally lack hard erection but getting and maintaining an erection is not such a big problem nowadays thanks to viagra and other generic medicines. Even after getting an erection and having a normal sex, they would still lack the sexual arousal due to lack of male harmones. These guys should get their harmone levels checked and take the supplements if required...Thats what I did and now i can come everytime with my gf within 15-20 minutes of wild lovemaking compared to an hour before. My levels were under normal level but i still took the supplements anyway...improving the quality and quantity of erection and ejaculation..I used to use viagra pretty often...not anymore..

 

4. Lack of regular sex: This harmone level increases and decreases depending upon the sexual stimulation the brain receives, so a long gap without regular sex can also drop this harmone level. Try to have sex every day or two if possible..without any expectations of him coming or not...the problem will hopefully get solved with regular vaginal sex..try to keep him away from masturbating...a good oral stimulation before actual vaginal sex would help further..

 

5. Other: Use of viagra, use of condoms, strong religious believes, fear of making your partner pregnant, fear of being found out, lack of oral sex, not being comfortable with the place where you are having sex, not finding your partner attractive enough, having a partner with low sex drive, any kind of stress are some of the other reasons for this problem..

 

 

Hope this helps..

 

San

[sorryJason]

Had the same problem, just be very understanding, also maybe let him do the work, I have found for me, at least, the best way is for my partner to be laying face down, it gives just the right amount of friction, I enter her from behind and it works pretty well. I had problems right from the first time I had sex, I was nervous, but I had a good, kind and understanding partner, also not masturbating for a while helps, and tease him for a couple of days before you actually have sex. Ask him what he likes to see, guys are very visual when it comes to sex. Wear something that he finds you really sexy in and then put on a show for him, then get him super turned on, by then he should be ready to go at even the slightest touch, then maybe have him try that position I mentioned, I know for me I really like it because I was always really self-concoius about the way I looked, and having my partner face away from me, even just for a while, helped a lot.

[Vert]

Is anyone else horrified that this post was from a 13-year-old???

 

OMG... "peanus"?!? You're talking about giving out sex tips and how to please your man when you spell penis totally wrong? OMG... and you're 13?! I echo your sentiment, dude.

[cam4u]

I know what you mean, I just locked my 14 year old in his bedroom. He's not leaving now til he's 21!

 

Well maybe not, but wow... I'm amazed, scared, frightened and more.....