Dumper breaks up with the rebound. What now?

[newts]

Have you ever been a situation where you have broken up with somebody (dumper) gone into a fully fledged committed relationship with someone new, moved in with them, got engaged after 7 weeks and broken up 4 months down the track? What next?

 

Your previous relationship ended badly with your ex (dumpee) telling you to never contact them again and you agree and tell them you are going to make drastic changes in your life and they giggle saying you are not capable.

 

You start thinking about that previous relationship, whether it be feeling all alone and that ex is comfortable to you because they know you, or for other reasons..... Do you wait until you know the relationship with the rebound is certainly over, then contact them? or do you never contact the ex (dumpee) because you know that person would laugh at you and it would give them great satisfaction? or do you wait for a few months being by yourself and getting your head back together and your life, to prove to them you have changed? or just move on, and never contact them again?

 

Feedback would be great.

[S.Ken]

This is why people should quarantine themselves after they break up with someone to avoid nonsense like this. Stay secluded in your home, find a hobby, join a book club, ANYTHING to prevent you from latching on to the first rebound victim that comes your way. You don't HAVE to be in a relationship. THINK before you act because the only thing you're going to do is hurt somebody.

 

I really don't care about your plight as much as I do for the poor "rebound" that you dumped to get back together with someone who wants nothing to do with you.

 

 

But hey, as long as you're happy.

[kungfumaster]

Ouch!

[nix]

Wow, you did it too!! My ex is just doing exactly that only he hasnt broken up with her yet.

 

Please tell me what made you do such a thing? Also if you were so sure about the rebound to the point of an engagement then why did you split up?

 

So I am the dumpee on the receiving end of the situation you are explaining and believe me i've never been so hurt and betrayed in all my life. If my ex came crawling back to me after what he's done I certainly wouldnt be welcoming him back with open arms thats for sure.

 

In my eyes everything we ever had has been broken beyond repair and no matter what now it can never be mended. He has given everything I ever wanted to another woman and that is the ultimate revenge for whatever I did wrong in our relationship.

 

Yes I still love him with all my heart and my heart would get back with him in a second but my head, my pride, my friends and family, my new found strength would never allow me to be so stupid.

 

In my opinion I really dont think you know what you want and you really need to be on your own for a while and find yourself. I know that my ex is making the biggest mistake of his life and the reason he's doing it is because he hates himself and is a very unhappy person, a new relationship masks all of that.

 

If you sort your head out and try to understand yourself then maybe your ex will come back to you, every situation is different. Even after everything i've said i always believe that love conquers all and if its meant to be then it will be. Dont push it, just take your time...if she loves you she'll be there for you.

[newts]

I will PM you.

[Confused and hurt]

Hey Newts,

 

Do you think you could PM me too with an explanation like that which Nix asked for? I am in the same situation as she is, and I would like a little bit of insight into what goes on the in a dumper's mind when they go from one relationship straight into another.

 

Also, could you tell me how long it took the novelty of your rebound relationship to wear off? As far as I know, my ex is still with the rebound girl. It has been almost a year for them....isn't that past the point of being a rebound now?

 

Thanks!

[gianni]

I think that newts has had this happen to her and islooking for a reasonable explanation/evidence that what her ex has done will end poorly. I don't think she did this herself.

[alonegirl]

If you don't mind PM ing me also. I am in a similar situation and lik confused and hurt would like a little insight.

 

Thanks

[JT]

LOL Thats what I did. I broke up with the ex and she told me i'd never amount to anything etc etc. I'm doing so much better now.. and no i never contacted her again and I could care less. You'll get to a point after you ponder all this stuff then finally decide to let it go. If you contact the ex here and there it prolongs this process so keep that in mind and dont go there.

[DragonGirl724]

you follow your heart & swollow your pride. if you love the person you will not be affected by them thinking; "pssshhh SHE came back after all..."

 

make an attempt to contact the person you desire to, the original dumpee, & see how it goes. but if you get rejected dont dwell on it...move on.

 

but before you contact your dumpee ex....ask yourself WHY?

 

*are you doing it simply for comfort purposes?

*nostalgia?

*or do you just miss being with someone who hasnt broken YOUR heart..?

 

all 3 of those reasons are not good enough for you to barge back into your ex dumpee's life. so really figure out WHY you have this sudden urge to contact him....and proceed with caution.

 

-DG724