Broke my trust

[Wiseman2]

On 1/27/2022 at 9:06 AM, Lenagurl said:

. A big red flag was I could never go to his apartment. . Mental health is in my background and I work in it 

You'll be ok. Fine tune your instincts to cut your losses earlier when you observe red flags.

In this case even after the initial red flag of keeping you away from his place, the subsequent red flags made him a walking DSM5.

This was a case of overinvesting and overinvolvement which is why the loss hurts more. For some reason you were in deep denial that there were serious problems.

 

[Lenagurl]

It’s been 9 days and I haven’t talked to him. He texted me today telling me he will be back in town from work tomorrow evening and he will come to grab some stuff ( remember he lived here). I responded with okay. But I want to call him and see if he is okay. I plan on not being here tomorrow when he arrives… I shouldn’t call him right? Obviously I know I shouldn’t. But I just want to. Is it that bad if I do? 

[Rose Mosse]

18 minutes ago, Lenagurl said:

It’s been 9 days and I haven’t talked to him. He texted me today telling me he will be back in town from work tomorrow evening and he will come to grab some stuff ( remember he lived here). I responded with okay. But I want to call him and see if he is okay. I plan on not being here tomorrow when he arrives… I shouldn’t call him right? Obviously I know I shouldn’t. But I just want to. Is it that bad if I do? 

Respectfully, this line of thinking is what got you into this mess in the first place. Step back and stop yourself from reaching out or at least think through very carefully what reaching out to him would accomplish. 

It’s normal to still care for someone. Feelings don’t just turn off like a tap. They continue on for some time but in that gray area don’t keep adding onto the break up and confuse yourself further. This wasn’t working. As painful as it is to step back, start distancing yourself. 

If you cannot be there, don’t force yourself to. Do what’s best for yourself and take care of yourself better from now on. 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Lenagurl said:

 he will be back in town from work tomorrow evening and he will come to grab some stuff.

Set up a specific time for him to collect his belongings. Do not allow him in your home unattended. Change the locks. You decide the time, not him.

Don't call him to see if he is ok. Text to firm up a specific time for him to get his thing. Have a friend there and be completely unemotional. 

It's time to get out of caretaker mode now and in the future.

[boltnrun]

On 1/28/2022 at 8:04 AM, boltnrun said:

That's good.

As a professional, you know for a fact you will start to "miss" him. You'll feel lonely and a bit left out and you might convince yourself it's OK to text him "just to say 'hi'" or "just to see how he's doing". That would be a very bad idea.

I suggest you program his number into your phone as "NO DON'T" so you'll see it whenever you convince yourself that contacting him to "say 'hi'" is a great idea.

And keep a good network or family and friends. Contact them when you start thinking he wasn't so bad after all or when you're feeling sad and lonely. People who love you will be willing to help.

Quoting myself because based on your latest post, you're at this point right now.

You can put his belongings into bags or boxes and leave them outside the front door.  He can either pick them up from outside the front door or you can simply hand them to him at the front door.  No need to invite him in for coffee or a snack or to watch a TV program together or to "catch up".