I finally went to South America to meet her and this happened

[JoshTheLuz]

guys i don’t know am I too sweet? I think I screwed up 
 

 

Me: Happy new year kassandra te quiero mucho 🤍

Her:Happy new year Joshi  te quiero mucho 🤍

Me: Make a wish 

Her: I want you here

Me: I’m there with you more than you can immagine kass 🔜 Enjoy your night, have fun, im with my friends, un beso amor mio 

 

 

 

[JoshTheLuz]

PLEASE IF YOU DONT READ IT COMPLETELY DONT RUSH AN ANSWER IT TOOK TWO HOURS AND LOT OF TEARS TO WRITE DONW
 

So, I’ll try to be short guys. 
im from Europe but i live in California so as convenience let’s say that I’m from US.

I’ve meet this girl, online, she was basically supposed to come to my school so she was in the internal student lounge group. She couldn’t make it due to financial problems at the time. We are talking about 2017. 
I don’t want to say but I’m very attractive as a guy or at least is what people say so she eventually I suppose to me because of this reason, she should have stopped on my pic and clicked on me or smth. 
we started talking, chatting, getting closer and closer, we still talking about 2017, we didn’t really have a long distance relationship, I had my girls, in usa you can immagine how many, she had one boyfriend, eventually that guy was an hassole, needy and she got bored, she left him and whatever… time passed, we were still in touch, moderately, 1 per week or something I was basically the hot guy from California that she wanted and she couldn’t have due to distance so this was impossible to break because we were nothing but a dream to each other. So the pressure was 0 and we know that we were having other people occasionally, but we knew that she was my first choice and so I was for her, the only impediment was distance. 
 

So, things inevitably got closer and closer and she became over the years part of my days until at one point we were all the day messaging and FaceTime and she clearly told me that I actually was the man of ger dreams, I used to make her part of my days with video, calls, messages, we kind of started a long term relationship ultimately promising ourself that one day we would have met we are 27 (me) 25 (her) I couldn’t take this for long and I decided to take a plane and an apartment in South America where she lives for privacy reason I won’t say where but is between Ecuador and Chile. 
I don’t really have financial problems so I could afford an expensive house and whatever and I came her to stay a while, to see how was going and eventually just take her with me in usa to live together, I was actually willing to do this at 27 years this is completely possible specially if your woman comes from a place without job opportunities. 
In all of this she was extremely happy and enthusiastic of course, until a week or so before my flight, she got clearly scared, I tried to manage the situation as much as I could being the man, having the situation under control trying to remind her all the good things and that was going to be perfect not to worry. 
ultimately she told me to divert my departure by a month due to her “university graduation” so I did that, this coursed me lot of problems because I had to extend my college for one month more and this was like $10k so like a mess. This was hard, I didn’t expect this and destabilized me a lot, I’m by nature an alpha male but this destabilized me so much that I actually started having insecurities and low self esteem. I became a little off, in all of this the company of my mother had some big problems due to covid and I was super stressed, the only thing I wanted was her support so I searched that and this was a terrible move because I lost my position even more as a secure confidant alpha male I was. 
well, finally the month passed and I had my plane, at that point she barely talked to me the chat were super cold and all of our plans to meet at the airport with roses and high each other and rush to the house to make love and be happy vanished, so nobody was waiting for me at the airport, I was alone. I went to the house, she wasn’t there… we meet the afternoon after. 
she was cold, extremely cold, we had a dinner I tried to take myself back and take the situation under my control again remembering the good times but this didn’t help she basically at one point literally told me to lower my voice at the restaurant and this killed me totally. 
the same evening we walked and she told me that she doesn’t want a relationship because she wants to concentrate on her, on her job and all of this things that we know girls use to say. 
a couple of days after she contacted me saying that I was too important to finish this like that and she wanted to give us a try, this destroyed me even more, because she talked as I was the problem, of course I accepted and I try ed in anyway to make every situation, every date perfect, to balance my behaviour, not to be needy even if I disparately wanted her in my harms, managing my stress, my thoughts about the company of my family, I miss my California, I tried with all my strength to be the perfect partner, support her, invite her out, do a lot of different things, define my power as a men, be sweet but not too much, search for sex, buy her roses and be sweet but in the same time sometimes slap her ass in order to let her know that I wanted her sexually. I mean guys I’m not a noobie I’m actually one of the cool guys in my college in sandiego so I’m not like the nerd super needy that is inexperienced or whatever . But all of this didn’t move her, she was stone cold, like a friend, she sometimes became a girlfriend immediately after I payed a restaurant or we went to cinema or I organized something incredible like in a movie. It was like a perpetual motion IT DOESNT EXIST so in order to make it work you have always to push manually if you lei it be it will stop. 
(this is a badass example lol) 

in all of this I was mentally, spiritually, or whatever you want to call it collapsing, my alpha man being that used to come  naturally out of me became a mask in order not to bored her. Inside I was destroyed and fragile. I wasn’t anymore the hot guy from California, her dream. And I didn’t know how to manage it. 
I’ve met lot of people here and started to go to the gym, doing calisthenics actually at a high level, make my days busy, let her search me, I tried with the few force I had left to became back the cool guy. 
she was searching me and we ended up meeting each other, my hope went back but in real life she was cold, I couldn’t go for it, I couldn’t Hugh her kiss her, bang her I couldn’t I don’t know how to explain, all the door were close. 
I couldn’t take this anymore and I went to talk to her, I had to stop it and make the situation clear, I told her all in her face. 
im here for her, I actually took a break of 6 months from my university to make this work and eventually take her with me. 
that I’m not a quack I actually know perfectly what to do in my life, I have my dreams and I’m going for it, I want to create my own business and have success. She told me that this in her opinion were only words that im not actively doin anything to archive this and this destroyed me. 
i went to usa to study business, im actually literally doing that. I’m actually literally came to her not to be a ***ing phone because I’m a man with the capital M and I go for my dreams and I go for what I love. I didn’t a left this from her, from my partner, from the woman i chose to be at my side while I’m fighting everyday to differentiate me from the mass in terms of financial and educational, social freedom. 

I tree all of this in her face and I shouted the door. After I wrote some crazy long message to define with words all of this and this actually brought back the alpha male I am, finally. 
she couldn’t really reply back, I was actually so right that she didn’t actually know what to write, I smoked her. 
she blocked me, in every social, this was terrible. 
after one week, she started writing to me again, she missed me, a lot, she didn’t really apologize but she told me that she missed me, that she wished that I was there with her. 
i gave her another chance. 
Now we are in the situation where she is with her family in another part of the country and will be back in 20 days. 
she wants to meet me, miss me and “te quiero much” sentences. 
im giving her lot of space writing her only after she reply to me without pushing in anyway this. 
 

[Capricorn3]

13 minutes ago, JoshTheLuz said:

i gave her another chance.

After all that you wrote, all that you explained about her cold behavior etc, giving her another chance was your biggest mistake.  You surely cannot be that desperate to go back for more of this lousy treatment.  Do yourself a huge favor and end this saga.

Side note: What's with your obsession to keep stating how "alpha male and hot" you are?  Seriously, mention it once and that's okay, but in almost every sentence/paragraph?  Not good.

[JoshTheLuz]

42 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

After all that you wrote, all that you explained about her cold behavior etc, giving her another chance was your biggest mistake.  You surely cannot be that desperate to go back for more of this lousy treatment.  Do yourself a huge favor and end this saga.

Side note: What's with your obsession to keep stating how "alpha male and hot" you are?  Seriously, mention it once and that's okay, but in almost every sentence/paragraph?  Not good.

Hey, you right. Sorry for repeating that but I miss the old me, that’s why I keeping repeating it is like a mantra to let me take back what I used to be. 
so in your opinion a person that behave like this is to avoid? 

[Rose Mosse]

What’s your question? 

You’re 27 from Europe and moved to the US, talking to a woman you hadn’t met, until recently, since 2017 for the past 4 years. Are you employed with your mother’s company or another employer now or are you still a student? Which university are you attending in San Diego? I ask these questions as you keep emphasizing your finances are not a worry but it’s unclear where it’s all coming from if you’re still a student.

You must know that a person looking for love somewhere between Chile and Equador while studying in the US appears suspect. Why pursue someone so far away if you have options in the US? You mentioned getting a lot of attention from “girls” in the US. You went to the US to explore more opportunities and study. Why pursue romantic options in developing countries? 

Focus on your studies and what future plans you have for yourself whether it’s helping to run or eventually take over the family business. Reconsider this back and forth with this woman as it’s hot/cold. Neither of you are doing each other any favours prolonging this and it’s difficult to pursue LDRs. They’re often not based on realities of every day living. 

[Rose Mosse]

I see nothing wrong with it except that this is an LDR full of issues (responded in your other thread). You seem to be confusing yourself with PUA tactics. Forget that sexist, misogynist nonsense about beta or alpha. 

Don’t date someone in the first place whom you don’t feel comfortable or confident with. Be more of yourself, less of what you think you should be to make someone like you.

[Buzz86]

1 hour ago, JoshTheLuz said:

Hey, you right. Sorry for repeating that but I miss the old me, that’s why I keeping repeating it is like a mantra to let me take back what I used to be. 
so in your opinion a person that behave like this is to avoid? 

Two options. First is playing games to get your true self back. The second is to rage quit and enjoy your life, you will gradually find your way back to your true self.

The third one is a combination of these two (which I appreciate more). In your case the second will work.

2 hours ago, JoshTheLuz said:

she sometimes became a girlfriend immediately after I payed a restaurant or we went to cinema or I organized something incredible like in a movie

Another obvious sign that your should have broken up with her when you felt this way.

Focus on your study. Do not chase people.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, JoshTheLuz said:

 slap her ass in order to let her know that I wanted her sexually.

Are you studying to be a fiction writer?

[Wiseman2]

Why are you obsessed with alpha male nonsense? 

[Kwothe28]

I think its OK that you wanted to give it a try. I dont agree with you stopping your education to do it. And certanly dont agree with that you seem to try that with the person who doesnt care in particular about you. And that is the bottom line in it, that you halted your life to try to make it work. And that you still get hold/cold behavior from the person who really doesnt seem all that interested into making it work. Because if the effort is one sided and you need to pull almost everything, and other side just waits for you to do it, its not really worth it. 

Also, you seem to put a lot of thought in how its making you look. Isnt one of the principles of alpha/beta/sigma male mentality or whatever they teach now, to respect yourself and not to give in from BS from other side? You should put more thoughts in respecting yourself. Meaning to stop chasing somebody who doesnt respect your efforts and focus on yourself and finding somebody who will appreciate you. What she thinks about it, I am sorry, but its highly irrelevant in grand order of things. You gave it a try(dunno why if she appeared cold even before you left there, but OK), it doesnt appear to be working, so you just respect yourself, remove yourself from situation, and maybe try with somebody where it will work. She maybe flattered that some guy came for her from another country. Maybe she thinks its "beta male move" or whatever. But again, that shouldnt concern you in a situation where it doesnt seem to be working and where you are the only one making efforts otherwise "it would fall apart" in your own words.