My family hates my boyfriend

[Jadesamson12]

Hi everyone,

Most of my family hates my boyfriend especially my mum, Sister and my Aunt and I don't know why they hate him as he hasn't done anything wrong - They don't want me talking to him, Meeting up with him or being friends with him! (They don't want me to have any contact with him at all)! I love him and he loves me and I want to tell my family how much he means to me but I know for a fact that they won't listen to me!

The only time I get to see him and talk to him is when I’m at a day group called OFLAC (Oak Farm Leaning and Activity Club) and it's a group for adults with any Learning disabilities! 
 

We're still together but behind my family’s back and we've been together 1 year 1 month now but I don't want to keep it a secret anymore BUT I know if I told my family how much he really means to me they will probably want me to break up with him!

Like I said I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to break up with him!

(I don’t know what to do no more!)

(My family hates his guts!)

😢😢😭

[Wiseman2]

45 minutes ago, Jadesamson212 said:

The only time I get to see him and talk to him is when I’m at a day group called OFLAC (Oak Farm Leaning and Activity Club) and it's a group for adults with any Learning disabilities

😢😢😭

 How old is he? Does he work? Go to college?

Do you both live with your parents?

Are they opposed to you dating or to him specifically?

Eventually you'll have to be honest with your parents. However you'll have to find out what thier objection to you dating is

[Jadesamson12]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is he? Does he work? Go to college?

Do you both live with your parents?

 

He's the same age as me 24, he doesn’t work or go to college, well I live with  my mum and sister and he lives with his parents.

[Capricorn3]

I would say that if most of your family seem to have something against him then they are seeing something in him which you are not.  Where there's smoke, there's usually fire. They must have a good reason, especially if it's all of your family feeling the same.  It would be a good idea to step back a little and actually take note of their concerns. 

[Jadesamson12]

46 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I would say that if most of your family seem to have something against him then they are seeing something in him which you are not.  Where there's smoke, there's usually fire. They must have a good reason, especially if it's all of your family feeling the same.  It would be a good idea to step back a little and actually take note of their concerns. 

It's mostly my mum, sister and aunt who hates him - they think he's using me for you know

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Jadesamson212 said:

It's mostly my mum, sister and aunt who hates him - they think he's using me for you know

Why do they assume he is using you for sex?  What have you told them about your relationship, including your sexual relationship? 

[Jadesamson12]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Why do they assume he is using you for sex?  What have you told them about your relationship, including your sexual relationship? 

I haven’t told them anything else also they think he's grooming me but I know he loves me from deep in his heart

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jadesamson212 said:

He's the same age as me 24, he doesn’t work or go to college, well I live with  my mum and sister and he lives with his parents.

Ok. Develop confidence in your parents. Talk to them about your future. For example working, getting career training, college and what other things you can do to show them your goals. 

Ignore your sister/aunt. They can't tell you what to do. It sounds like your parents are trying to protect you from having sex/preganacy/ STDs or serious relationships too soon, before you develop yourself more as an independent adult.

Join other groups and clubs. Get involved in sports/fitness. Volunteer someplace like an animal shelter or hospital. When you show your parents more responsibility they'll trust you more to make choices.

 

[Jadesamson12]

27 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Develop confidence in your parents. Talk to them about your future. For example working, getting career training, college and what other things you can do to show them your goals. 

Ignore your sister/aunt. They can't tell you what to do. It sounds like your parents are trying to protect you from having sex/preganacy/ STDs or serious relationships too soon, before you develop yourself more as an independent adult.

Join other groups and clubs. Get involved in sports/fitness. Volunteer someplace like an animal shelter or hospital. When you show your parents more responsibility they'll trust you more to make choices.

 

She won't listen to me and I know for a fact she won't because she hates him and she hates everything about him plus I'm not allowed a job because of my epilepsy and I had to leave college early because I had an epileptic seizure in one of my lessons but my dream job is to become a vet 

[smackie9]

 I just think your family are being a little over protective is all. Bottom line, they don't want you getting pregnant adding more issues to your situation. Keep it a secret if you wish, until you get yourself out from under their roof and be independent.

[Jadesamson12]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

 I just think your family are being a little over protective is all. Bottom line, they don't want you getting pregnant adding more issues to your situation. Keep it a secret if you wish, until you get yourself out from under their roof and be independent.

I don't think my mother will let me move out I'm 24 ffs

[smackie9]

7 minutes ago, Jadesamson212 said:

I don't think my mother will let me move out I'm 24 ffs

You are an adult at 24. legally, you can do whatever you want....like date whomever you want.

[Jadesamson12]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

You are an adult at 24. legally, you can do whatever you want....like date whomever you want.

I know but it's my learning disabilities I have that’s why I don’t think she’ll let me move out

[Wiseman2]

50 minutes ago, Jadesamson212 said:

 my dream job is to become a vet 

Super. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Maybe they can give you some part-time hours. Offer to dog-sit and dog walk for some friends and family.

A seizure disorder doesn't mean you can't ever work, especially if you are seeing your doctor and it's under control with medications.

Keep following your dreams and try not to be so boy-crazy for now. When you reveal that you have other goals, they may lighten up about dating.

As a 24 y/o woman you'll need to see a doctor/clinic (privately and confidentially) to discuss safe sex, contraception, STDs etc. That is another type of responsibility parents want to see when you start dating.

[Jadesamson12]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Super. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Maybe they can give you some part-time hours. Offer to dog-sit and dog walk for some friends and family.

A seizure disorder doesn't mean you can't ever work, especially if you are seeing your doctor and it's under control with medications.

Keep following your dreams and try not to be so boy-crazy for now. When you reveal that you have other goals, they may lighten up about dating.

As a 24 y/o woman you'll need to see a doctor/clinic (privately and confidentially) to discuss safe sex, contraception, STDs etc. That is another type of responsibility parents want to see when you start dating.

I know I will need to see dr's and go places like the hospital myself but I don't like going places on my own that’s the thing also I don’t have the grades to be a vet and I would dog-walk but I’m not allowed out on my own 

[boltnrun]

Are you on a reliable form of birth control?

Where do you and your boyfriend have sex if you both live with your parents? Does his family know you two are in a sexual relationship? Do they like you?

Will you and he both likely have to live with your parents permanently?

 

 

 

 

[Jadesamson12]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Are you on a reliable form of birth control?

Where do you and your boyfriend have sex if you both live with your parents? Does his family know you two are in a sexual relationship? Do they like you?

Will you and he both likely have to live with your parents permanently?

 

 

 

 

Not at the moment & we haven’t had sex yet, His family don’t know that we're in a relationship yet And I’ve seen his mother and she I think likes me but I haven’t seen his father yet 

[boltnrun]

38 minutes ago, Jadesamson212 said:

Not at the moment & we haven’t had sex yet, His family don’t know that we're in a relationship yet And I’ve seen his mother and she I think likes me but I haven’t seen his father yet 

All this secrecy is a problem. Why are you hiding your relationship from his family too?

Can you answer the other question I asked? Just trying to get a more clear picture of your situation.

[Batya33]

What do you mean you know he loves you deep in his heart - how does he show his love on the surface? If you're not allowed to go out on your own how do you manage to see him?  Does he have disabilities?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jadesamson212 said:

 I don’t have the grades to be a vet .

That's ok. Talk to your teachers/mentors at the center. Perhaps they can help you with things like getting a training/job as a vet tech, dog groomer or otherwise working with animals. Follow your passion and goals.

The important thing is to demonstrate that you have goals and can start making independent good choices. That is the first step in your parents accepting that you want to date.

[Jadesamson12]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

All this secrecy is a problem. Why are you hiding your relationship from his family too?

Can you answer the other question I asked? Just trying to get a more clear picture of your situation.

The last question about living with parents permanently and the answer is probably not as he does want me and him to live together 

[Jadesamson12]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

What do you mean you know he loves you deep in his heart - how does he show his love on the surface? If you're not allowed to go out on your own how do you manage to see him?  Does he have disabilities?

Yes he has disabilities - he has Autism 

I have two ways of seeing him 

1 is at club that I go to

and 2 is through my bedroom window 

[Jadesamson12]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. Talk to your teachers/mentors at the center. Perhaps they can help you with things like getting a training/job as a vet tech, dog groomer or otherwise working with animals. Follow your passion and goals.

The important thing is to demonstrate that you have goals and can start making independent good choices. That is the first step in your parents accepting that you want to date.

If you are talking about the group I go to they won't do anything 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Jadesamson212 said:

The last question about living with parents permanently and the answer is probably not as he does want me and him to live together 

So you two need to put together some kind of plan. You'll need jobs first off. As someone else mentioned, you may not be able to be a vet but how about a vet tech? Or work as a pet groomer? As for this young man, is he employed? If not, what kind of work is he interested in?

If you can prove you're mature and responsible you might impress your parents.

One thing for sure; if you plan to become sexually active you MUST get on a reliable form of birth control and your boyfriend must use condoms. This is absolutely vital. You do not want an unplanned pregnancy. That would just prove to your parents that you ARE irresponsible.

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry your parents treat you like a prisoner. That is so disrespectful and disgusting. My son is Autistic with learning disabilities and I would never dream of treating him that way . I always encourage his independence and learning.