my ex with my best friend

[Unlimited2k19]

I was in a relationship for a year and a half and the relationship in the beginning was fine..but after a while he started having issues,and one of the many reasons was the army, because I had to leave for 8 months.but I traveled when I could by plane to see her..but she seemed that she has not problem of waiting,she told me that she would wait for me.so as not to go into details because it is a big story...I left the island I was on, and by my choice I came close to my house, so that I can spend my last months near her. When I finished the army I went to see her but something was wrong..she was cold in front of me.  I asked her if everything was fine and if she got bored or if she likes someone else,and he said that if it were that she would tell me.something I forgot to mention,she had ncredible chemistry with my best friend and i was trying for months tried to explain to her that it would get worse if she continues to be constantly with him...but she told me that she has it under control and that she loves only me. I could not accept it easily because I saw from afar where it would go..as many times as I tried nothing.  as I told you before,her behavior was as strange as my friend's I saw embarrassment in both of them. then I asked my friend and he told me that he likes my gf..I lost the world...it was an unforgettable night and he was a little drunk and crying because he said he could not control it. because this story is very big i will try to be as fast i can. so my gf went trip with her friend and i left too and I waited for her to return. finally she came and i asked her if she is okay and if she had time to think for what is happening to her ..she said I love you but im not in love with you...I suffered a great shock but I told myself it was over, and we did not sit down to discuss it much and we left it, but then she has the audacity to tell me'I love your best friend and I also sent him a letter to tell him that '. at that moment I was on the street I died inside me anyway. after 3 months my friend called me to say that im responsible because his relationship is not going well,and that I have done black magic or that I have cursed. them haha 12 years frienship I'm still in pain because I did not get over it,and I do not know what to do..any idea?

[SooSad33]

You cursed him(them)?  Wow 😕 .

They had some chemistry, fine.  But YOU did not make that much of an impact, I'm sure.

You were involved with her 1.5 years.. then she got into a thing with him and now that's fizzling out?

Not sure how well you know her?  But, this could be just how it was meant to be.. or how she rolls.

Maybe she is one to travel one, onto another etc.  And if this is how she is, she is messed .

We cannot control who we end up having feelings for, but yes, unless we're totally weak, we do have control on how we react.

Was their choice to do this.  So, they can now deal with that.

I suggest you just keep your distance.. Respect yourself and don't cause any issue's.  Let them go do as they please.

People get involved and break up sooo often.  it's the chance you take.  But, is also end results, you need to face as well.

So, sit back now, and focus on YOU.  Get yourself back to good and work at accepting, healing & moving on.

 

[Kwothe28]

People like that, you ex gf and your friend, they have no shame. Their relationship is not going because, well, they are both ***ty people for what they have done. I think they use the term "toxic" today, but I dont like the label because they brand everything "toxic" now. And that kind of people maybe recognize themself in one another thus seeing some kind of "chenistry", but in a reality they create a very disfunctional pairings. Because, surprise surprise, ***ty people dont really make up a good partners, especially to other ***ty people. I have an aquintance. He stole his best friend long term girlfriend, married her and had a kid with her. At the end she left him for some third guy along with the kid. You didnt curse them, they did it themselves. As for you, I would focus on the fact that they really were bad people. And that you are far better without both of them in your life. It should help you to come into acceptance with the break up.

[Unlimited2k19]

Thanks for your answer ❤️ I Appreciate. just the whole thing is complicated, because I am not only friends with him but also with his brothers,and with his family for 12 years.

 

 

[Unlimited2k19]

@SooSad33 I know her very well and as time went on I observed her behavior. as time went on her behavior changed over time, from the moment she had met him and she listened to his songs, and what my friend did he did too as if he were her idol. that she was telling me different words that we will grow old together and such..I never believed them because these are words you say at the moment when you are fine and happy. to tell you the truth I just made so many sacrifices, even extreme retreats for the relationship to go well...I had various problems in my relationship and then I had over my head my friend telling me that I have changed and that I do not love him as a friend anymore and that I am only interested in the girl. I had a hard time because he was a brother to me... but you know what? you are right it's not worth it, in the end to do what they believe.  I will just have to carry the weight on my own once again.. and move on. thanks my friend for the answer

 

 

 

 

 

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, Unlimited2k19 said:

 as time went on her behavior changed over time, from the moment she had met him and she listened to his songs, and what my friend did he did too as if he were her idol. that she was telling me different words that we will grow old together and such..I never believed them because these are words you say at the moment when you are fine and happy. to tell you the truth I just made so many sacrifices, even extreme retreats for the relationship to go well...

sorry that your friend acted as he did with you 😕 .  That's rough after being buds for so many years... Is really not fair IF things ended as such, over a woman.

Not sure her age, but yeah, sometimes it's just 'talk'.. what's reality is how they act. ( what they do, not what they say).

Sacrifices?  Maybe extreme retreats were not so necessary.  So, take your time next time?

[Unlimited2k19]

@SooSad33ofc next time I will be much more careful!. now i'm just a turtle in the shell and I wait to see that the field is free so, I can get out. just like i said my friendship cost me..because this guy always told me my mistakes and I was constantly trying to correct them. in the end what he said about me and that I am wrong in many things he did exactly the same, and maybe worse. I met her at 17 almost 18 and i was 23 I know different ages,I have been judged many times in the past for this but it just happens without me realizing it ...because I saw my little self in her eyes,she also grew up without restrictions from her parents like me.

 

 

 

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, Unlimited2k19 said:

my friendship cost me..because this guy always told me my mistakes and I was constantly trying to correct them. in the end what he said about me and that I am wrong in many things he did exactly the same, and maybe worse.

Not sure how much of a friend he really was, by sounds of all his judgements towards you?

Maybe is just best to walk away.. sometimes we need to.  I removed a friend from my life as well due to her jealousy & toxic behaviour....

So, ya never know.  Is maybe for the best.  We live, we learn.  In time, this will ease off and you will not feel so bad... as you come to see things in a different light.

But that's it.  We move on with life and find new & different people.  Was just an experience.  And no, not all are good.

 

[Unlimited2k19]

you're right..he was very attached to me because we had a lot in common, and he saw that my interest was in a girl and felt threatened, he felt that I was leaving away because we were in a lot together. as a man he was very shy and he was not confident on how to approach a girl. it was easier for him to do something with my gf,because he knew her already and they had become friends..so he would not have to go out and start searching for gf. this issue the truth is that I have exhausted it and it is wrong...in the first month I had been sick with grief...but I managed to escape from the black hole that was pulling me down and I've made some decisions for the future.  the reason I wrote my story was not just to get help but so that some may see it so that they have time to react before it evolves. and give some advice to those who happen to be like me very sensitive. when you see that the suitcase does not go far and something is dead it is not worth trying to do technical breathing in a dead thing because it just died..Ι was trying to keep something that was not worth it because emotion was the dominant but this is wrong.. when you see that something is not pulling you have to let it go.. as difficult as it is.

 

[Smile4me]

You have not cursed their relationship, they have done that to themselves. They will never have trust in their relationship because they both know what either of them are capable of. I have a few friends who have gotten together with their partners through the act of cheating and I watch as their relationship falls apart or continues to be toxic due to how they got together on the first place. Count yourself lucky you never ended up married with kids

[Rose Mosse]

On 10/3/2021 at 10:20 AM, Unlimited2k19 said:

12 years frienship I'm still in pain because I did not get over it,and I do not know what to do..any idea?

Remove them from your contacts and don't answer any calls or texts from strange numbers, trying to contact you to tell you about curses or other nonsense. You know none of this is true and they have contributed to their own fall out and demise with their cheating, disloyalty towards you as as a friend or romantic partner. Neither of them are worth your trust or time. Learn from your mistakes and leave them alone. 

Make new friends too and stay well away from that person you once called your friend. He's absolutely no friend of yours. Expect to see attempts from your ex trying to get back together with you because things aren't as rosy or enticing as she once believed about your friend (she'll see his true colours). Don't answer any attempts to call or get you back. Move forwards with your life and pick better people to be around.

[Unlimited2k19]

@Rose Mosse you are right 😕 not even worth it. nah I do not think she will come back to me and you know why?because she wants to have a good time and make her life..we were different characters,and I was always trying to show her the right thing Because my friend made her do weed and she really liked it. my friend changed her a lot and, when I found out and asked him why he did that you know what he answered me? 'its not big deal' 'you are not her father'. time is the best doctor i guess.

[Unlimited2k19]

@Smile4me yea true you are right. just to know that her family wanted me because I had some principles, and some people from there telling me that they are so stuck together which has reached a point where it is like a disease. the good thing is that they have both lost all their friends because they have bad behavior, and also necause they treated me badly...at least there they know who I was and how honest I was..at least I can sleep with a clear conscience unlike them.