UPDATE ---He has a new girlfriend...I'M HURTING SO MUCH

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone

 

I just found out --He has a new girlfriend...

 

Please help me with this...I have been doing okay... TODAY IS exactly 1 month that I have had NC from him but-------

 

I'm not sure what to feel --I just want to cry... How can he have done this so quickly/so soon...

 

I new something might of been happening -that he was maybe seeing someone new---since I had not heard from him but I did not expect him to be going out with someone so soon. IT HAS ONLY BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE LAST SPOKE & JUST BEFORE THAT HE WAS TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME & COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT ME...

 

Now he is going out with someone new ---he has a girlfriend...

 

 

Help please give me advice ---I WANT TO CALL HIM UP & LET HIM KNOW THAT I KNOW HE HAS SOMEONE NEW but is that the right thing to do???

 

I WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT I KNOW... I don't want him to think that I don't know.

 

I know that he expects me to call him when I hear anything... I always have... That is Why I know that at the moment he thinks I don't know.

 

I just feel that I need to let him know that I know the truth...

 

 

Please tell me what would be the best thing to do... Would calling him now & breaking NC be a bad thing...Or could it be a way that lets him know & will be a sort of closure on everything.

 

 

I don't know what would be the best thing in terms of him having power over me & this situation...

 

 

 

Please help me

 

 

 

LostAngel

[moonunit]

i'll tell you what i think people would tell me if i get into this situation...don't call. just try to let it be. he'll get in contact with you if he wants to. i don't think it'd be a good idea to call and let him know that you know, or even just if he calls to let him know you know. i'd just play it kool. but you know...i am thinking that most here might just tell you to let it be. don't break nc - let him do it...

 

hugs.

 

are you sure they are even bf/gf they may just be "dating"/hanging out. but...no need to stress youself, you'll drive yourself crazy over it i think.

 

huge hugs

[LostAngel]

Hi moonunit

 

Thanks for the reply

 

 

He has definitely started going out with her.

 

So thereforeeee it is his new girlfriend.

 

 

I just don't get how he has done this so soon... How he can do this after 7 years of being with me...

 

 

 

LostAngel

[rionmccloud]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I am dealing with the same thing, so I know your pain. The only thing you can do is realise it's truly over now.

 

I have been able to convince myself that this was too much, and if she came back it would be very hard to get together again. She would have to work very hard to get me to want to. In reality, of course, I'd run back in a heartbeat.

 

Now I simply try to respect the new relationship and the boundaries this puts up. I can never hang out it seems because she dosn't think it's apprporaite, worried about what he'd think, etc. It is hard, but it can help you realise he's not coming back. Again, I'm very sorry.

[coolchick]

Im really sorry to hear this aswell LostAngel. I am going through it aswell and it hurts so much. But definitely the best thing to do is avoid calling him at any time. Even when you feel like it the most. You wont get any benefit out of telling him you know, except for him feeling good about himself knowing that he has two women after him. You've done amazing being able to keep the no contact for a whole month, that alone shows that you are a strong person as it is the hardest thing in the world to avoid contacting the person you love. If you contact him now, you will be back at square one and the hurt will only reopen itself. Please keep strong and before you even realise it, you would have met a great guy yourself and will be too pre-occupied to even think of your ex! Good luck girl!

[hockeyboy]

why do you want him to know that you know so badly?

[LostAngel]

Hi hockeyboy

 

 

I don't know --I guess I don't want him to think that I will be the last to know. I guess I feel like I've been betrayed by him for not telling me in the 1st place. Especially that the last time I spoke to him (1 month NC TODAY) he said he was not seeing or going out with anyone & 2 weeks before that he was with me telling me how much he loved me & could'nt live without me.

 

Don't know if you have read my previous posts but we were 2gether for 7 years & although he broke up with me in June 2004 -we have been off & on for the last year.

 

This has happened before a couple of months ago- where he started seeing someone & he kept it from me & I only found out weeks later & it just felt like I was the last to know.

 

It just hurts so much -I guess I'm confused & not really sure if would be better to let him know that I know the truth or not.

 

I think by him knowing I know ---he will then know that I know the truth & that I'm moving on & that I'm not sitting around waiting for him like he thinks I have always done.

 

I'm not sure what is the best thing to do...

 

 

 

 

LostAngel

[RayKay]

Lost Angel - don't call him.

 

Him having a new girl now does not change any of the advice people have given you many times before about NC. There is no need to tell him you know - all that proves is that you are not letting go and moving on. And honey, he obviously is trying his best to move forward with his life. It is inevitable at some point that other women will come into his life, and other men into yours (but you do have some healing to do first!).

 

As I told you before when he met the last girl - he does not OWE it to you to tell you, and I am sure he does not want to hurt you either. Honestly, if he had phoned you and told you he was seeing someone new, what would you have done? If it was like other times you likely would of reacted very badly and he is trying to avoid that stress...because right now he really does not HAVE to tell you anything. There is no "truth you need to know" now as you ARE no longer together and you have to realize that means that there is no longer a need to share all the details with each other.

 

Trust me...you calling him to tell him you know shows EXACTLY the opposite message that you are moving on, not sitting around and don't care. Because if you really were....you would not even bother to call to tell him you know.

[WebChick]

Angel...

 

I know you are hurting right now...but contacting him NOW, especially in the state you're in will only make you appear desperate...and will put you back at square one. You said yourself he EXPECTS you to contact him, so why give HIM that power, or satisfaction??

You can see this as an advantage really...he doesn't know you know right?? So who has the upper hand here? Also...keep in mind this...

this new "girlfriend" is most likely just a passing fling at best. It will fall apart, believe me..they will have "issues"..and by then you will be THAT much further along in your recovery. He may come back, he may not....

but you can't beat yourself up over what HE is doing, it's not fair to YOU.

I know right now you are having thoughts of what does he see in her that he didn't see in you...etc... it's easy to get obsessed with that aspect.

You are hurting....I am not going to sit here and say "Get over it" or "move on"..that's not my place. By all means allow yourself to grieve, but maintain your dignity in the process..he does not DESERVE to know your pain, or hurt.

Please keep posting ..it will help, and will get better. We are all here for you.

[Mr. Sub]

Hi Angel,

 

Stand on your ground. Don't contact him and find out why. It will only hurt youself more and make him feel better. I am going through the same thing. My gf went back to her ex after 2 yrs on and off with me. I only knew how I was just her rebound guy, maybe she is just his rebound as well. So hang in there. If he wants you, he will come back. Like what my gf did. If it turns out that he doesn't, he is missing out on something good.

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone

 

I managed to make it through the weekend...

 

 

I did not contact him & am managing to just stop myself from breaking NC...This is so hard, just knowing he is with someone else after everything with me & the 7 years of us being together...

 

How could he do this???

 

I am quite down---so many things running through my head & it all hurts so much. Especially that it seems like everything is just going all fine for him & he is happy the way things are ---without me in his life... I feel as though I really meant NOTHING & that he doesn't even miss me at all...

 

How can I just disappear form his heart,how can he just stop loving me & move on so quickly...

 

 

He has ripped my heart out!

 

 

 

LostAngel

[iamonlyhuman]

You will be ok, keep the NC going, its takes alot of strength and I respect you for that, I know its hard but don't stoop to his level and humliate yourself keep your dignity in this.

 

You see my ex had been seeing this girl whilst being with me but hid it so well, he should have been given an oscar for the way he acted.

 

I was really upset asking myself why did he fall out of love so quickly and move onto someone else but little did I know that he knew all along he didn't want me towards the end of the relationship and decided to start seeing someone behind my back.

 

I feel he didn't stop loving me overnight but he actually felt the love fading away, you need to ask yourself did you always feel loved up until this point and if you are uncertain then he didn't love you because words do not mean a thing if actions do not speak louder, you said "how can he just stop loving me" no one can just stop loving you overnight, its gradual so I guess he gradually fell out of love for you whilst you were still together becasue lets face it I guy wouldn't break up or cheat on a girl if he was in love with her.

He would at least talk about things if he felt that what you had was deteriorating because he would want to save the relationship.

 

I know its so so hard to except it when your ex doesn't feel the same way anymore its like your heart has been ripped out and trampled on and its like your worse nightmare come true but girlfriend the sooner you understand he has no place in your life anymore and he is with someone else now you will be able to heal better and move on trust me on this.

 

The main thing is to keep busy and don't let your thoughts get the better of you.

Good luck girl and don't you dare call him, he isn't worth it!!!!

.

[WebChick]

Angel

 

Congrats on maintaining NC...especially during a holiday weekend

THAT'S hard!!! You know what though? Over a full month has passed..that really IS a milestone....

many don't even make it through the first week or two without

breaking down. Heck I am on day 3...LOL and I feel like I deserve a trophy..lol. Try to use this time to focus on yourself...I know it sounds cliche', but by putting the focus on something YOU can control..makes it much easier. I think much of the frustration in a situation like this is NOT having any control or say in the outcome. It is totally up to the other person.

We are really proud of youAngel...you should be too

[ediefy]

Hi--It's amazing how many people are going through the same thing at the same time. My bf dumped me with no warning a little over 2 weeks ago. We had a few email messages just to arrange for him to come pick up his stuff and return mine, and that's it, pretty much. Because he didn't tell me why he broke up with me (after 2 years together, he sent me a short email message to break up!), I sent him email yesterday--very short, asking him to send me a letter telling me what really happened, the whole truth. I want it in writing for a couple of reasons--because I want to be able to reread it whenever I start thinking that things are going to work out with him (they aren't), and also because it forces him to face himself a bit. He's got huge commitment problems (even though I wasn't asking him for one), and I know he's probably already involved with someone new or else back with his ex (the real love of his life). But neither of those relationships are going to work, either, because he's so afraid of getting swallowed up.

 

I think, in your case, NC all the way is the way to go. And start thinking about what you want to manifest in your own life, instead of obsessing about what he's doing. That way, you'll be fine whether he comes back or not, and you certainly won't be sitting around waiting for him. That's what I'm trying to do--it's hard, because I moved to be near him and don't have any good friends here yet, but I am going to do everything I can to build a new life, with or without him. I hope you can do that, too.

[LostAngel]

Hey everyone

 

I'm still trying to hang in there, but it is so hard...

 

Everything just keeps running thru my head, its like I have hit a dead end & don't know where to go from here...

 

I'm trying to keep up with the NC as much as I can but I am just so down because he already has someone new... How can I take this pain away.

 

I just am so sad that he has thrown 7 years away... How can he move on so quickly -It's so hard to take in, so hard to believe that things have become this way. I miss him so much even though I know I need to keep my mind off him.

 

I keep thinking that maybe if I speak to him, I will feel a bit better...That I will at least know he isn't upset with me or that I didn't do anything wrong... That maybe I can still be his friend. I guess I'm just thinking that the last time he was seeing someone new --I remained his friend, we kept contact & eventually we got back 2gether... I'm worried about that NC could kill any chance I may have tohave him back...

 

I know I am meant to be healing, but I am struggling to realise that this could be it for us & that I may never get him back... I am worried that by going NC I may mess up any chance of fixing things & maybe getting him back...Because by nottalking or seeing him -we will become so distant...

 

I'm not sure what I'm thinking...I'm just hurting alot & am so confused with everything & hurt because it seems like he is probably all fine with how things are & without me in his life. It seems like the grass is greener & I'm just left here with NOTHING...

 

 

Sorry about being so down -I just don't know anymore...

 

I'm just Lost...

 

 

 

LostAngel

[The_Doc]

Lost

 

I can't begin to know how bad you are feeling, except that I suppose for many of us struggling to come to terms with why the person we love decided to break our hearts many of us fear and suspect that the real reason is because there is someone else and that they are trying to 'protect us' from more pain.

 

Sending you a big hug as I am sure many others are. Don't break NC. You know that begging and pleading will not bring him back. I am terrible at maintaining NC because all I want is to hear her voice, read an SMS from her etc etc. But ultimately it proves never to quite be what I want and I feel sad and disappointed further.

 

Nothing but time will make you feel better.

 

He won't come back if you chase him. Once you stop he has no reason to run anymore. Let him live his life and make his mistakes. After 7 years he cannot erase you from his life, he will think of you and he will make comparisons between this girl and you.

 

You need to heal yourself. If he wants to come back he knows where you are. If he wants to talk to you, he knows how to. Don't be his insurance policy if this goes wrong. Look after yourself. it will hurt, I am hurting every single day. But hang in there. One day you may find that you don't want him to come back even if he did.

[Mun]

I keep thinking that maybe if I speak to him, I will feel a bit better...That I will at least know he isn't upset with me or that I didn't do anything wrong... That maybe I can still be his friend. ... I'm worried about that NC could kill any chance I may have to have him back...

 

If he was able to dump you after 7 years and get a new gf just like that...Do you really want to be his friend? and.... do you really want to be his friend and hear all about his new gf?

 

Not talking to him won't change anything that is already done. Come on girl...you need to look out for YOU. Don't grovel for his attention... you are worth something too.

 

Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much this is getting you down. Pretend to move on--I know how hard that is but sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.

 

Wrap yourself in a cloak of dignity and keep yourself strong. You will be ok, you'll see.

 

Hugs

[ediefy]

Don't drive yourself crazy, thinking you did something wrong. You didn't. The guy just isn't that into you right now. He may or may not be back, and, if he does ever come back, you may or may not want him back. In the meantime, try to let him go. He clearly needs to do something else right now, and so do you. Let him go with love in your heart.

 

My heart goes out to you. I talked to my BF yesterday, and, although we clarified a few misunderstandings about the actual events around our breakup, the result is still the same. We're apart, for the time being, and maybe forever. I'm sad, very sad. But I also recognize that this is how it has to be, so I'd better work at looking at what else (and who else) I want in my life, since odds are I won't have him. A terrible loss, and a terrible shame. But there it is. The reality. I have to believe it will get easier for me. And for you, too.

[LostAngel]

Hi

 

Thanks so much for the incouragement... I need it so much as I'm struggling alot & things feel worse now than a month ago...

 

I know I should be keeping strong which I have tried to do since I started NC, I seemed to be doing okay but then hearing that he has a new girlfriend not even a month after he was last with me --just set me back completely.

 

He broke up with me almost a year ago but we have been off & on till now... I guess that is why it hurts even more because ever since he broke up with me... things have been tough. This has been going on for almost a year, so I guess the pain has been prolonged...Yet we would remain friends & always end up back together again but then break apart again & the cycle continued...

 

Until a month ago again --things were okay, he said how much he loved me & couldn't live without me. Then we have a fight & then I go into NC, then all of a sudden he is with someone new...

 

It's just all been too much... How can he change his feelings "like that" within a month???

 

This is whats killing me... It is like I'm NOTHING & was NOTHING to him for the last almost 8 years...

 

 

Sorry if I have repeated myself... I'm just so confused & in shock... I guess reality is settling in that this could be it...that he has forgotton about me & that I'm NOTHING to him now.

 

 

I just don't know...

 

 

 

 

LostAngel

[ediefy]

You should go out and buy this book:

 

He's Scared, She's Scared, by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol.

 

It will really help to explain what's going on with him, and why he can be with someone else so quickly. (It has nothing to do with you, or what you did, or who you are. Really.) You'll learn why you guys have had this kind of yo-yo relationship for the past year. It also has some great tips and advice for recovering from a relationship like yours (and mine).

 

I have found it very helpful in my own breakup (and throughout my relationship, actually). You might be able to find it at your local library, if you can't afford to buy it (it's a paperback you should be able to find at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Amazon, etc.).

 

Best of luck to you. You can do this!

[Mun]

Lostangel,

Could it be that in the past year you were both trying to desperately hold on to a relationship that was already dead or dying? I don't think he would have tricked you and kept you hanging on purpose, but was probably just as willing to make it work as you were...until whatever problems you had just resurfaced ( then fighting over and over again) and he wasn't willing to try anymore. It became more work and pain to stay together rather than fun and happiness?

 

I don't know if this is your first relationship, but as you get along you'll see that sometimes it's just easier to start over with someone new with whom you don't share all this drama.

 

I'm sorry that won't make you feel better. But from what you say you all tried for almost a year to make it work and it still didn't. Those problems you had just became too much---or were just not resolved.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting so much and I don't think you didn't mean anything to him. You were together for almost 8 years!... how could you not? Maybe at some point you see will why things didn't ( or couldn't) work out anymore.

 

Keep your chin up and stay strong. You'll make it.

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone

 

Thanks again for your insight...

 

 

Muneca... You are probably right, we have tried so many times but I guess things didn't get sorted out & it just became too much for him.

 

This is so hard because in my mind..."Love conquers all", so I guess I'm willing to try & make things work no matter what. But he has hurt me alot with everything that has happened & how he wasn't honest about things with me,including him going out with someone new.

 

After nearly 8 years I guess I thought I meant more to him than this.

 

I'm not sure where to go from here, but I think that maybe I should keep with NC & maybe eventually I can speak to him. I just don't want to make things worse... So I am scared about what would be the best thing to do.

 

Things are all too confusing. There are so many pro's & con's.

(Like I wrote in another post)

 

If I break NC ---

I won't have healed enough,

I may look needy or as if I'm running after him again,

he may react in a way that I will be even more hurt by,

 

If I don't break NC ---

I will lose him as a friend,

he will forget me,

the love that he does have for me will fade,

I may loose him forever,

 

 

 

I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this.

 

 

 

LostAngel

[ediefy]

There's no way this guy is going to forget you. And if you want to be friends eventually, if he's really your friend, he'll wait until you're ready to be friends. True friendships are not easily undone.

 

So, don't worry that if you do NC, you'll be nothing but a spot in his rearview mirror. That's just not going to happen after all of the time you were together. You may never be friends again, but you never know.

 

A very smart comedian once said, "If you want to see God laugh, tell him your plans." Trust that there is a larger plan, even if you don't yet know what it is. All of this is leading you into uncharted territory, which is scary, but can also be exciting once you surrender to it. Take heart.

[danimal77]

Lost Angel,

 

Look NO FURTHER!!!! You and I have shared the EXACT same experiences, that after having read your posts, a part of me has relived everything all over again.....

 

Muneca, S&D and some other veterans on here will remember my stories, which never seemed to end either....

 

No, it hasn't been 7-8 years, but it's been a good 3 years....My NOW EX has followed the exact same path your ex is/has as well.... coming back for 2-3 months and then breaking up again, but not right away. It is a slow and painful ordeal of her being "confused" and wanting out one day and then wanting to stay the next, until one day she NO LONGER wants to stay anylonger and that's when I would (in the past) CLOSE THE DEAL, by chasing her, much like you've done and exhibiting in the process, just how weak, needy and dependent I am on her. NO ONE wants that much pressure, because that's what it is. It's also a demonstration of a lack of restraint/self-control, which all stems from one thing: INSECURITY......

 

Back to the cycle: She would then choose to leave and I would chase her and try and convince her NOT to, which at first would work and then would NOT...lol..AND then, the longer I attempted to pursue her, or convince her not go, she would then become nasty and downright hurtful...

AND so, I would regroup and FORCE myself to commit to NO CONTACT, in which time, I would grow stronger, while being alone, while she would desperately look for someone to replace me with...Her attempts were NEVER successful and within one to two months, I would go back in, as you have done. I had re-awakened her feelings, which were never fully gone and that strength I have acquired in the NC stage would get me through those initial contacts. She would come back to me and at which point, she would be the one on giving mode and appear to be all into me and I would take without giving back. Why? Well firstly, I was resentful for having had to chase her and be denied love and affection for months on end and when she would finally come back to me, because she saw apparent strength, I would in turn, make her work for my attention and at the first sight of her not putting in AS MUCH effort, I would become insecure and she would pull back even more, because of my questioning and eventually, we spiralled out and she is gone once again....BUT, this time around (it's been half a dozen times now), I found out from her own mouth that she had RECONNECTED with her EX, from 5-6 years ago. This was her first true love and the guy who supposedly hurt her, in the way I always thought she hurt me. HE never gave up on her apparently and they started chatting, emailing and talking on the phone and then hanging out and now she is spending all of her time with him and his family.....IS this devastating? Of course it it, seeing I had to call him 3 years ago, on her behalf, to tell him to stop stalking her....and now, I very well could have become the stalker this time....

 

Does this change the dynamic? It sure does, because she no longer is single, as your ex no longer is as well.....Does it mean that you can't grow stronger nonetheless? No, it doesn't....IT shouldn't change a damn thing....It does change the fact that we cannot be friends right now and is the reason she said NO to friendship, because friendship can always lead into more and so, that would just continue the cycle. You have to get to a point that your ex and my ex are at. The truth is, is that they don't want to be alone, or single, as they claimed. They are VERY needy as well, but what they needed from us was STRENGTH and INDEPENDENCE, so that they could feel secure enough in our inner stability and happiness, where they knew that we had an infinite reserve of our own....We demostrated the oppsite and so, they look elsewhere. My ex is now looking back to another EX. Sure, they once shared a love as well, and my ex is still in need of love and affection and attention and he will be fulfilling it, BUT, YOU and I have acquired wisdom as well and if you have taken ANYTHING out of this, is that you will know what works and what doesn't work with YOUR EX. Whatever hasn't worked, don't do it again and expect different results.....Unless you do something that you haven't done in a long time, in which case, this may have a temporary effect, in having him turn his head.....

 

It was my ex's 28th birthday yesterday and I broke the 4 days of NC that I was forced to have. I had sent a gift to her work (a beta fish) and it was anonymous and it ended backfiring. She never even called me up to thank me and so, I called the pet store and apparently she called them up, demading who it was that had sent her the fish and warned them that her EX was trying to stalk her!!!!! That is absolute garbage and I'll tell you why.....Ex's when they leave and our two in paticular, will try and make us out to be the bad one's and will treat us like crap, in order to get a desired reaction from us (bringing out the worst in us...OUR INSECURITY), so that they can feel justified in leaving us and going with someone else. IT lessens their guilt...NOW, by respecting them and NOT reacting to these TESTS (because that is what they are), we do NOT give them the satisfaction they are looking for and they cannot hold much against us, even though they will desperately look for the slightest thing to use against us...Give them NO BAIT and they CANNOT remain angry forever....THAT is KEY....

 

Anyways, I called her a few times since yesterday (trying to reach her and only getting her machine). At my 5-6th attempt within 2 days, she answered and was on defense RIGHT AWAY, BUT, I did not give her ANYHTING. I was calm and confident, letting her know that I am not up to my old tricks, of calling her incessantly and being sad, desperate and needy and all I wanted to was catch her on the phone and not speak to her machine....I asked NOTHING of her, other than 1 minute of her attention, so that I could tell her that I sent her the fish because I thought she would have liked it and if she took it any other way, that I am sorry for that I wished her a happy birthday again and got out of that conversation but quick and I am now back to NC....

 

NOW, to answer your questions:

 

You wrote: "If I break NC ---

I won't have healed enough,

I may look needy or as if I'm running after him again,

he may react in a way that I will be even more hurt by,

 

If I don't break NC ---

I will lose him as a friend,

he will forget me,

the love that he does have for me will fade,

I may loose him forever"

 

If you break NC, you won't have healed enough and if he breaks NC (which he won't), you still won't have healed enough (doing things for yourself and just plain growing stronger and more independent and even dating, which will make you see and treat him so much differently in the future (trust me on that one)....

 

Yes, you MAY look NEEDY again and as if you are running after him again, BUT, that all depends on how you approach him/it....If you are indirect, looking for nothing, you MAY throw him offguard, BUT, I would give it more time. Grow so confident in yourself that when you do make contact, you will come accross as NOT caring and it will be real, which WILL have an effect on him. Good old faithful may not be so faithful after all .

 

Don't worry about losing him as a friend if you don't break, because right now he is NOT your friend. YOU are YOUR friend right now...You can always pick up where you left off, when YOU are ready to and not in fear that you will lose his friendhsip. He won't want to be your friend if all you have to offer him is hurt, guilt and dependence....You won't be too attractive in that case...Let that other girl be his friend for now, because a. you have NO other choice and as much as you try and change that, it will push him further into her arms anyways and b. because if you do nothing, he MAY start to compare what he had with you, vs. what it is she is now offering him, or isn't and this may make him miss you. NOT necessarily make him want to contact you, but IF you decide to contact him in the future, he may be that much more open to you....It can work either way. Just have faith...In my case, she's with her other ex, which makes things a lot more complicated, because there was a time that what he offered her, she loved as well and she may very well be feading him the same lines she fed me a few months ago, as to how the timing was off and how much we both have grown and how this time it will last forever and how we were always meant to be....ANyways, I have NO control over this. EXHIBIT NOO JEALOUSY WHATSOEVER, escpecially if you are known for doing this in the past with him....

 

Finally, he will NEVER forget you, but if you continue to persist, you will force him to. What withdraws, forces OUR respect. What stays too long, makes us want to disdain it....

[ecg1228]

LostAngel,

 

First of all, that is very brave of you for keeping up the NC for now over a month. Trust me, that is when the healing can truly begin. You are only taking steps forward whether you feel it or not...but calling him will definitely bring you a few steps back.

 

We all feel for you and have all been there. Something like this happened to me a few years ago, where everything seemed to be just fine and *boom* all of a sudden he wants to break up and pursue a girl he met. It was the worst betrayal and I could not get out of this black hole that I was in. An ambush like that makes you not trust even happy times. Allow yourself to hurt and be confused. Things like this can't be rationalized. What I know though is that there is NO WAY that he is not thinking of you - don't believe that b/c he is seeing someone else. I believed that too and and then my ex eventually contacted me months later and told me that he didn't stay in the next few "relationships" after me because none of them could compare to me. I don't know if this makes you feel better right now. Who knows all the reasons guys do these things, like start seeing someone right away. They deal with pain differently or they try to get over you faster. A friend of mine's ex admitted that he started dating a girl right after their breakup to help get past it. That relationship didn't last probably b/c dating someone so soon can just add to the confusion of it all.

 

I'm not saying that these are the things that can or will happen. I'm saying that don't kick yourself or blame yourself for anything, like thinking that it will never be reconciled if you don't contact him. It's not something that we can always control. I know what you mean though - it makes us feel incredibly alone thinking they have moved on. I honestly don't think he has 100% moved on though - I highly doubt it.

 

Hang in there and keep posting as you get past this!!!