Am I actually overthinking this? Or could there be something wrong?

[Famine]

She (21F) and I (24M) have been seeing each other for about a month and a half now, and hang out usually 3-4 times a week. We go to the same school, but I have been visiting my home state for the last 2 weeks so we've really only communicated via Snapchat. It also may be important to add that this is really only her second time dating someone, and she's insanely awkward about dating in general but she's been warming up quickly to me I think.

I tend to overthink things due to some issues in past relationships. But overall I would say this two week break went okay. However, I get a bit frustrated because I try to have actual conversations with her, and often I just get a selfie back from her without a caption ( which has always been pretty normal for her).

Last Tuesday was her birthday (I mailed her a card and she was very happy), and I spent most of it traveling. I was pretty fed up with the captionless pictures, so I stopped responding. Hours later, probably around midnight, I got a second message from her, mid-birthday celebration, saying she hopes I made it home okay.

The next day she was really talkative. She was picking up friends from an airport that night, and when I asked about it the next day she said the drive home was bad. I'm not sure if that meant the traffic was bad, or if something happened between her and her friends.

Ever since then, she's been a lot less talkative. She even ignored me for the first time since we started seeing each other (she did respond eventually), which I guess is fine, she has a life of her own and I've ignored her plenty of times. I asked if everything was okay and she said yeah. I didn't want to press the "issue" further. But all I get now are captionless responses, which makes me respond less and less.  She really just doesn't contribute to the conversation at all anymore.

We have plans to hang out in two days, when I return. She seemed excited about it when we made the plans last week, before her mood seemed to change. Honestly I'm a bit scared that A) she's going to cancel, or B) she's going to tell me she's done in person. I'm cutting my break short to see her, so that would really hurt. I know I should just wait and see what happens, but my mind is really running rampant right now and I need confirmation that I'm crazy. I'm almost positive I didn't do anything to ruin things - I can usually tell if I do something to mess things up but I've been extra careful with her to not see the overthinking side of me.  I feel like I'm constantly going back and forth between "yes, you're overthinking" and "no, this is completely normal for her."  It's like I can't remember what her normal is.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Famine said:

She even ignored me for the first time since we started seeing each other  and I've ignored her plenty of times.

Relax she seems excited about seeing you. Keep in mind you've only been dating 45 days and 15 of those you've been away.

Don't play games such as 'ignoring her plenty of times'. See each other in person and get a better read on things.

[DancingFool]

Slow down. You've barely met and btw, 3-4 per week when you've only just met is overkill.

Anyway, all that's happening now is that you are learning that she is bad at texting. OK, some people are. You have to figure out how much that does or doesn't matter to you. Also, you need to learn to express calmly and clearly your needs and expectations if something is not working for you. Then you sit back and observe if the person can try and compromise and things improve or if it's a deal breaker for you because she keeps doing the same.

On a side note, dating isn't about "messing things up". Its YOUR time to observe and see if this woman is really right for you or not quite. If not quite, don't waste your time and walk away. You are not a clown who messed up a performance, so please don't approach dating from such an insecure perspective.

Dating is a mutual choice. If it works for both of you, you'll keep going. If it doesn't, you'll part ways and either one of you can make that decision. You need to allow yourself some power in this and lose the idea that you can manipulate someone into dating you if you just everything right or that you need to put up with their bs when it irritates you just to hang on. Learn how to weed out wrong ones and empower yourself to do so.

[reinventmyself]

You've been traveling and she picked up friends from the airport?   I'd say you are overthinking this here.

She isn't your girlfriend so you need to manage your expectations about the frequency of communication.  Relax and enjoy the actual in person time you have planned.  Between now and then, get busy and don't worry about it.  Besides, if she's on the one for you, it's best you know now rather than later down the road.  Don't get invested over electronic forms of communication.

 

[Pleasedonot5]

Jeez, OP. Perhaps you should just communicate next time you are in person that you prefer solid conversation (e.g., a phonecall) when you guys are apart. You can even throw in a joke that you are not great at gen-z Snapchat etiquette or something lol. (Edit: I nonetheless agree with what DancingFool wrote above, hanging out 3-4 times a week is overkill at this point. So, I guess be careful of asking for too much contact.).

Next, you should not play these games of who ignores whom. It is immature and can be cruel. I think communicating (see above) will help but if she sends a caption-less picture in the future, just say "lol," "nice," "looks like fun," or something like that. Do not passively project your annoyance with silence. 

All in all, though, I doubt she is actually frustrated with you in any substantial way. You can make sure you have not upset or offended her when you have that conversation.

You will be fine. 

[abitbroken]

Dude, you were not "on break" - you both had plans.  I would stop "hanging out" with her and start dating her.  Think of what you want to do as an activity and put some effort in. Doesn't have to be expensive.  But you should be beyond "hanging out" - that's high school dating.  =

Honestly i don't think she was ignoring you - i think she was busy with her family - as she should be.

[richdakid5]

Hey! I think for one you two should move from snapchat to a texting platform, that way when you talk, you get more than just pictures. Please dont do the ignore game, moving to text so she can be more vocal would help, but as a sensitive being- which she might or might not be, she might be saddened that you stopped replying. And I agree with the other reply. Don't just hang out...be intentional and take her places you want her to learn about that you like, and have her make some suggestions of her own. best of luck!! We love, love!!

[Rose Mosse]

Ask her out if you're interested in her as a person, date her. You're both losing momentum focusing on stuff that isn't that important.

You were only away from each other for two weeks and getting to know one another for six weeks. Take her out and be a gentleman about it too. You may be looking for too many reassurances that she's into you or "warming up" to you. Have a little more confidence here and enjoy your time together. Don't overthink things so much.