I want my ex back - just started no contact, honestly just looking for hope.

[gumdrop17]

Hi, I'm sorry if this is super long. I'm just at my wits end at what to do. 

My ex and I moved to another state in August of 2020. In April of 2021, he broke up with me and said he wanted to be closer to family (both of his parents are very sick - cancer related) and he was done with the relationship. After he left, he talked to me every day (I never outreached him, I only responded). This continued until mid-may. His father bought him a truck and he downloaded tinder. He still reached out to me, but I was hurt that he was trying to move on. Fast forward, I visited my family and we met up. He lied to me and told me that he hasn't slept with anyone and we hooked up - stupid I know, I know. The hook up was needy like "i miss you", at least that's how it felt to me with his actions, but after he became cold. Told me he only missed our dogs, not me, told me he was over the relationship, etc. I didn't bring up the relationship of even ask for him back. I just listened. When on the plane flying home, I asked if he really meant those things, he said no sorry and ended the convo. He continued to reach out the next few days chatting about movies or other nonimportant things. I spoke to his sister and mom who I'm close with and they told me that he had slept with someone and I need to move on. They had no idea I saw him and they were upset when I told him. He slept with two girls before sleeping with me (the next day). I was so incredibly upset. I threw all of his things in the attic (yes, all of his things are still here), blocked him on all social media, and left him a nasty voicemail. I haven't heard from him since. It's been 2 days. I know, not that long - I'm being dramatic. I've decided to officially start no contact to where I won't respond if he does reach out. My mom is still friends with im on FB and she told me his profile picture is still us and it still says he lives in the state we moved to. I know I should move on as him sleeping with other women should be a sign that he's not worth it and leaving me in a state where I know no one should be a no brainer - but I truly feel that he is my person. Please, don't tell me to move on, I've heard it over and over from everyone I know. I guess I'm just asking why he still has pictures of us on social media? I'm still on his phone plan too. Why was he reaching out daily if he was moving on? He has a business email saved in his email that relates to this state that he has not deleted - but has deleted everything else. He tried to hide tinder from me, but I'm very clever (probably psycho is the right word) when it comes to social media so I figured it out. I blocked him for my sanity, so I stop checking his location on snapchat or his pictures on Instagram. We were together for almost 5 years and I'm just wondering if it's truly over, or if there's any hope. Everyone's telling me it's over. I just don't feel that in my heart and I'm scared it's just denial. Will he contact me? His family said that my voicemail "really hurt him" - good! was my first response. Now I'm wondering if I crossed a line. He's very stubborn and I'm sure his pride and ego are coming before his feelings - if he has any. His family is disappointed in him and don't know what he's doing. He has a very toxic father who he's living with currently. His mom (divorced parents) says she doesn't even talk to him and she doesn't like what she's seeing. He's drinking everyday, throwing his life away, etc. - acting like he's in high school pretty much. He's told me how unhappy he is, but I know there's nothing I can do myself - he needs to make this decision on his own. I guess I'm just asking if you think he will. I'm going to stop rambling now...

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Why did you move to another state together?

Charge him storage fees until he gets his stuff.

Ask ALL your people to delete and  block him and stop chitchatting with him.

[SooSad33]

23 minutes ago, gumdrop17 said:

I've decided to officially start no contact to where I won't respond if he does reach out. My mom is still friends with im on FB

Yeah, NC is the way to go.  You need to be strong here.  Do not let HIS actions affect you.

What he's doing is his own choice.. As you may shy away from guys (which is the smart choice, he is not.

Instead he is trying to move on by sleeping around.  Then you let him do this... He is struggling.

You BOTH have to give this all some time.  Time to let all simmer down and face the facts.

 

24 minutes ago, gumdrop17 said:

Everyone's telling me it's over. I just don't feel that in my heart and I'm scared it's just denial. Will he contact me? His family said that my voicemail "really hurt him" - good! was my first response.

Yeah.  You are 'venting', that's fine.. His actions hurt you...

 

25 minutes ago, gumdrop17 said:

His family is disappointed in him and don't know what he's doing. He has a very toxic father who he's living with currently. His mom (divorced parents) says she doesn't even talk to him and she doesn't like what she's seeing. He's drinking everyday, throwing his life away, etc.

HE is very messed up inside, not what you want.  he is venting out in any way possible.  You do NOT want to get in the middle of all of this 😕 .. As you see, it's hurting you as well.

You need to let him vent in his own way.

 

His parents need to also not harp at him and I think you should also stop intervening the same, by bringing them into all of this.

When I split w/ my first ex, I would speak with his mother, re: the grandkids ONLY.

 

[boltnrun]

Please do not read or purchase any "get your ex back, guaranteed!!!" materials or books. They are scams.

Right now you are panicking (understandable) and looking for signs of hope. Just remember your "person" would not have left you.

[Cutiebug123]

He sounds depressed and unpredictable but that he’s using you as a safety net basically and that’s why he continued to reach out to you. If his parents are sick, it makes sense that he’d want to keep you around for some comfort when times are hard but it sounds like ultimately it’s over. I know that’s hard to hear and I’m not telling you to move on, I’m just telling you that the reason he’s keeping the door open isn’t one that benefits you from the way it sounds.