Met a girl on tinder and she's giving me fairly mixed signal

[Jan Irace]

So I (19) met this girl(18) on tinder on Thursday and we started chatting immediately and exchange Instagrams. From the first evening it's evident we're both fairly interested in each other so after a couple hours of bantering I offered her to go meet her the following weekend (we live about an hour's and a half away from each other) and she said she has to prepare for exams, which I understood as I do too, and left that at that. Following day we keep chatting, in the evening she goes to a house party and gets pretty drunk. On her walk back (about 1 am) she texts me that "I love you" and "you should call me". I gather the the "I love you" is probably just her being drunk so I don't say anything to that but I'm up for a call so I leave her my phone number and we call. The call transforms quickly into a three hour face time and we both fall asleep effectively whilst on each others devices. Next day after were both done with whatever we have to do we start chatting again and the fire is still there, she goes down to the pub with her friends and on her walk back she texts me and we chat a little, I offer to call but she falls asleep immediately upon getting to her friend's house. It is now the day after (Sunday), she wakes and texts me. After a while we're communicating via photographs, and in I've of the photographs she types "I love you" followed by my name. And this photograph is the only one that has her full face. I'm not the type to just give out "I love you"s to anybody so I just comment how its really great to see her face. After that the face is nowhere to be seen again. we chat a little but not much as I'm busy helping my neighbor move houses. After that we exchanged a few messages but after such she just doesn't even open my messages anymore. Now I wouldn't say desperate, but I'm not a traditionally good looking guy and have the social skillset of a mildly stone. She is really nice and I'd like to at least meet her. So I spent the night overthinking things to *** and back. This morning I sent a good morning text and as usual I got a reply after she finished school. I asked if I could call as I needed to say a few things, she said yes so we called. What went down kinda baffles me... The 5 minute (very me sided conversation) went along the lines of "you saying you lived me really stuck out and stayed in my brain a while I didn't reply equally cos it seems a bit early, that being said I do really like you and would like to get to know you" she cuts me half way and aks to call again later as she needs to think about things, I comply... Later I get a text saying and I quote "hey i just want you to know that i dont think im ready for anything that serious with someone i dont know that well<3 i think ur so lovely and i love getting to know u but i dont want to jump into something so quickly xx" which I understand, jumping into something that quickly ain't something I want either so I effectively say the same thing back but in my words... What I'm gathering here is she said she loved me within two days, but the moment I ask to meet her (after her exams in two weeks time) she says I'm being too quick with things. I am utterly confused. Sorry for the long story, need to get things off my chest Also English isn't my first language, apologies.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, your English is excellent, btw. She seems to shy to meet someone from a distance. Or her parents won't permit it.

[Jan Irace]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this, your English is excellent, btw. She seems to shy to meet someone from a distance. Or her parents won't permit it.

Do I just roll with it, I don't know what to do really. I'm starting too feel like i've ruined our developing call it relationship with that last phone call :/.

Thanks for your kind words on my English, I do try my best.

[MissCanuck]

Forget this girl. 

She's not in the right frame of mind to be dating if she's telling someone she's never met that she loves them. That's a huge red flag. 

Avoid people like this. They tend to be emotionally mixed-up and not good dating candidates. 

[Jan Irace]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Forget this girl. 

She's not in the right frame of mind to be dating if she's telling someone she's never met that she loves them. That's a huge red flag. 

Avoid people like this. They tend to be emotionally mixed-up and not good dating candidates. 

Ok, thank you for the advice mate 🙂

[Rose Mosse]

 

37 minutes ago, Jan Irace said:

The 5 minute (very me sided conversation) went along the lines of "you saying you lived me really stuck out and stayed in my brain a while I didn't reply equally cos it seems a bit early, that being said I do really like you and would like to get to know you" she cuts me half way and aks to call again later as she needs to think about things, I comply... Later I get a text saying and I quote "hey i just want you to know that i dont think im ready for anything that serious with someone i dont know that well<3 i think ur so lovely and i love getting to know u but i dont want to jump into something so quickly xx" which I understand, jumping into something that quickly ain't something I want either so I effectively say the same thing back but in my words... What I'm gathering here is she said she loved me within two days, but the moment I ask to meet her (after her exams in two weeks time) she says I'm being too quick with things. I am utterly confused. Sorry for the long story, need to get things off my chest Also English isn't my first language, apologies.

No, I think what happened was both of you were separated by distance and exams, she was lighthearted and wasn't too serious about the "I love yous", you were enjoying the back and forth texting and then she stopped responding briefly. You got worried about this and then overdid it by having a "talk" which she shut down (appropriately).

She was never intending anything serious by saying "I love you" and I think you knew that. You weren't taking it seriously either or even reciprocating. What you were actually annoyed about was that she stopped responding as quickly to the texts. 

None of this reads as anything serious and both of you haven't met each other yet. She did say she would like to get to know you. She is young and you both do have that distance so depending on who drives or commutes, any interaction or getting to know each other will depend on how often both of you can see each other. 

I think this was a fantasy from the start considering the distance and your ages. Both of you may drive or have access to a vehicle. If that's the case, that's fine but consider those issues first before worrying about anything else. 

[Jan Irace]

4 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

 

No, I think what happened was both of you were separated by distance and exams, she was lighthearted and wasn't too serious about the "I love yous", you were enjoying the back and forth texting and then she stopped responding briefly. You got worried about this and then overdid it by having a "talk" which she shut down (appropriately).

She was never intending anything serious by saying "I love you" and I think you knew that. You weren't taking it seriously either or even reciprocating. What you were actually annoyed about was that she stopped responding as quickly to the texts. 

None of this reads as anything serious and both of you haven't met each other yet. She did say she would like to get to know you. She is young and you both do have that distance so depending on who drives or commutes, any interaction or getting to know each other will depend on how often both of you can see each other. 

I think this was a fantasy from the start considering the distance and your ages. Both of you may drive or have access to a vehicle. If that's the case, that's fine but consider those issues first before worrying about anything else. 

Firstly thank you for replying. 

Yeah I do believe it to be more or less a fantasy specially on my end, I kinda feel like the beauty and the beast in all honesty... not to add the year of isolation that lockdown has brought upon us all. On her end none is the wiser I guess.

The world love, where I come from at least, is a very hefty word. For instance I've ever only said it explicitly to my mother and my childhood best-friend. So I think maybe that threw me a bit off course. 

Commuting also isn't a problem. for 9 years I'd have to take a 2 hour bus to go and come back to school monday through saturday, so once or twice a week is a piece of cake. At least for me it is.

I'm not bothered by the frequency of communication, she took hours as it is (as do I) but after sunday evening the replies are very dry, that's what I meant really, and I think thats what ultimately sent my brain in overload

[Rose Mosse]

10 minutes ago, Jan Irace said:

Firstly thank you for replying. 

Yeah I do believe it to be more or less a fantasy specially on my end, I kinda feel like the beauty and the beast in all honesty... not to add the year of isolation that lockdown has brought upon us all. On her end none is the wiser I guess.

The world love, where I come from at least, is a very hefty word. For instance I've ever only said it explicitly to my mother and my childhood best-friend. So I think maybe that threw me a bit off course. 

Commuting also isn't a problem. for 9 years I'd have to take a 2 hour bus to go and come back to school monday through saturday, so once or twice a week is a piece of cake. At least for me it is.

I'm not bothered by the frequency of communication, she took hours as it is (as do I) but after sunday evening the replies are very dry, that's what I meant really, and I think thats what ultimately sent my brain in overload

You seem too down to earth for someone like this. It doesn't make sense either why an 18 year old would want to date a guy so far away. I'm looking at it from her point of view also. 

Wait a bit and date someone more local. Don't worry about those texts. Brush yourself off and make yourself available to someone who is more on your wavelength. 

[Jan Irace]

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

You seem too down to earth for someone like this. It doesn't make sense either why an 18 year old would want to date a guy so far away. I'm looking at it from her point of view also. 

Wait a bit and date someone more local. Don't worry about those texts. Brush yourself off and make yourself available to someone who is more on your wavelength. 

thank you for the kind words means a lot 🙂

yeah I think I've come to terms with the fact that she's probably not it, just needed somebody to explain stuff cos as i said, I have absolutely no people skills.

Also wanted to get things off my chest as I don't really have no one to talk about things

[smackie9]

She knows what she's doing...she ropes in (love bombs) guys to spin around in her orbit so she can get attention. That's all she is using you for. Ditch her....oh and not ready for dating/ relationship excuse is a load of crap.

Don't waste your time on anyone that gives you the runaround.

[Jan Irace]

On 5/4/2021 at 3:29 PM, smackie9 said:

She knows what she's doing...she ropes in (love bombs) guys to spin around in her orbit so she can get attention. That's all she is using you for. Ditch her....oh and not ready for dating/ relationship excuse is a load of crap.

Don't waste your time on anyone that gives you the runaround.

Thanks for the advice mate, will keep in mind. Just a bummer, not used to being liked... or being told so at least

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, Jan Irace said:

Thanks for the advice mate, will keep in mind. Just a bummer, not used to being liked... or being told so at least

That's why being vulnerable like that is a dangerous thing....you can easily get duped. You need to be on your guard and not fall so quickly to the bs you can encounter on the net.

[Andrina]

Why on earth aren't you limiting yourself to within a 45 minute commute to date, when this is the time of your life when you will be meeting the largest pool of women your age than ever again in your life? 

Far easier, less expensive, more opportunities to get together. I don't even know why you need to use Tinder at your age. Why haven't you met anyone through school/your local neighborhood/mutual friends, clubs/hobbies/sports?