OMG! I am sooo scared at what I may find out.

[spanisheyes]

I'm totally freaking out right now. My heart is beating too fast and I'm shaking. A few weeks back, I posted that I found out where my boyfriends "ex" works. I was trying to decide whether I should call her and try and find out if there was still anything going on with them. I decided not to do anything about it at that time because I didn't want to cause any un needed turmoil in our relationship.

 

Since then, things have been going great. I finally feel like we are really on the same level. I also posted about a week ago that we are talking about moving in together and I'm really excited about that. So heres the thing... Because we are going to be taking such a serious step, I wanted to find out for sure if there is anything I need to know. I posted on an anonymous local website if anyone knew this girl and if they could tell me if she was dating anyone. Well I got a few responses saying a bunch of different things...all contradictory. But I got an email from someone this morning asking me, " Are you dating _________?" Calling out my boyfriend by name. I emailed her back that yes, I was and did she know if her friend was still involved with him.

 

I haven't heard anything yet but I'm so scared. What if it's an answer I don't want to hear? What if they aren't together now but have been in the last 6-7 months that we've been together? I really love this guy. We have gotten so much closer in the last couple months and I don't want to lose that. This is the guy who rushed out of class yesterday to drive 20 miles and take me to the hospital because I cut my foot open on glass. I mean - I know he cares about me. I'm fighting with myself because I need to know the truth but I'm so scared. And if it's something bad, what do I do? I wish I wouldn't have done this but it's too late to go back.

 

Sorry I'm rambling on, I'm super anxious....

[ECWhite25]

Oy, this is tough. My personal belief is that if you feel strongly enough that something could be going on to go snooping to find out, you probably don't belong with that person.

Yes, it would be good to find out if he is still in a relationship with her before you decide to move in with him but what if he isn't? Do you have any proof or suspicion that he is or are you just being nosey and worrisome?

If this "friend" lies to you as many girls will and you go confront him or if he finds out in any way that you went snooping around trying to get information on him, how is he going to react?

[Hope75]

spanish,

 

You should be talking to your bf about this, not anonymous strangers online, trying to find out if they know if his ex is dating him.

 

I agree that it is your right to know if he is seeing someone else because that will obviously affect whether you move in with him, but I think the way you are going about it is sneaky and wrong.

 

Why don't you trust your bf?

 

For a relationship to be good and healthy, you need to be able to talk with one another about everything, including difficult and sensitive topics. If I were your bf and I found out what you were doing, I wouldn't wait around to hear your explanation.

 

Talk to him, ask him. If you don't trust him and you don't trust his answer, you shouldn't be moving in with him in the first place.

[shiminimo]

first off

i don't know if you should be trusting what people are telling you off this anymous website. second, you should trust your bf more. thirdly, why would he ask you to move in with him if he wasn't serious. that's a serious move for a guy.

[minrjohn]

SpanishEyes,

 

I understand why you feel the need to know what happened with his ex, and whether or not there is anything between them... But I don't think you should be asking randoms on a local website. I think that you should be talking to him about this.

 

If you are planning on moving in with this guy, and you haven't had the conversation about exes / past relationships/ past heartbreaks, then maybe you should slow down just a bit. Tell the guy that you want to talk about it. It sounds like things are getting serious between the two of you. But it's important, if he is going to give his heart to you, then you do need to know where it has been and what it has been through. And vice versa...

 

Just some thoughts...

[spanisheyes]

Thanks for such quick response.

 

There have been a few things over the months that have led me to be a little suspicious. Mostly was a picture of her he had that I kept asking him to get rid of and he kept saying that he did but I kept finding it in different places. (not really by snooping mind you) Also, there are times that I can't get a hold of him (for like a whole day) and he comes back with these really wild excuses. It's been a bunch of small things that , by themselves, are really nothing....but when you add them up.....

 

Trust has always been an issue for me and not just with him. It's just that sometimes he doesn't really help the situation. Like I said, I truly love him and I'm trying so hard to trust him...but it's hard for me to do.

 

I've talked to him about this in the past. And like I said in that last few months, things have been really good and I haven't been suspicious or anything. He has said there is nothing going on, he's said that they did sleep together right after he met me (but before we were bf/gf) but he promised me that was the end of it.

[SeaBisquit]

hi spanisheyes,

i know it is hard for you but remember a ex is a ex for a reason and obviously he has chosen to be with you instead of her. you said that you two are planning on moving in together so he has picked you to spend the future with not her. I seriously doubt that he would be stringing you along if he wasn't serious about you.

[spanisheyes]

Well if the girl that I emailed doesn't answer me back, what do I do? Should I just drop it, should I call the ex directly? This is giving me huge anxiety today and even though I don't know anything "bad" , I almost just don't even want to talk to my boyfriend today. Partly because I'm scared of the outcome of this, partyly because I'm so on edge and partly because I feel really guilty because if he's not doing anything wrong, then I'm just some kind of freak.

 

My worst (and best) case scenario is that they still were seeing each other up until about 3-4 months ago. How would I handle that? I would still mean that he had been cheating on me...and lying to me but it was right around that time that we both kinda realized what a good thing we had and really got on the same level. We finally achieved what 'we' had been working on for so long.. but he still hasn't said "I love you" - eluded to it, but never said those words....

[Mun]

I can't help but wonder why you are doing this. I can understand that you have some doubts, especially if he slept with her after you two met, but things have been going great. That's what you said. So why would you want to bring drama into your lives?

 

I think the doubts you are feeling are more related to the fact that you have told him you love him, but he hasn't said it back. He is showing you he loves though, sometimes getting the words out takes longer.

 

I wouldn't trust anyone else to give you this kind of information. People lie for all kinds of reasons, or sometimes they don't have the up-to-date news about someone else's relationship. Trust your boyfriend because if you can't then maybe you shouldn't be with him.

 

Best wishes to you.