HELP!! Work is coming between us and we work 2-gether

[aug104evr]

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and work together. Actually she was my boss when we got together. One night when we went out I realized how beautiful she is and kissed her. We've been together ever since. unfortunately we've had a lot to deal with since then. I'm separated with two wonderful children. Their not the problem. They love Jo and she loves them. The ex has been somewhat of a problem but it's getting a little better. Were kind of stuck with him so we do what we have to do. The problem I have is work. The woman we work for is a X!@#$% if you know what I mean. Jo used to live next to the club (we work at a bar) and CC(the owner) took full advantage of that. Jo had no life outside of the bar. She took all types of crap from CC. They have always claimed to be friends but the only time Jo let her true feelings be known is when they were

And then they would act like it never happened the next day. It was never brought up again and CC would continue to do the things that Jo didn't like. When we got together CC acted like a fool. She started doing things that said I can't trust Jo to do her job right. Making out my schedule and giving me messed up hours. Jo had done the schedule for 7 years. Now I can understand why CC did this to me. We never got along. She stands for everything I can't stand. She got the club from doing the do, she had Jo run it while she went and did the do, and she's come in a play boss when there was no to do the do with. Anyway she would ask Jo if we were together but not before blantenly lying and saying I was with all these men. So we leave the club for over a year. In the mean time the club goes to the dogs and she calls Jo back. Jo tells her were a family and she's not going to be putting in all those hours and that I'm part of the deal. CC acts like everything is great and tells Jo run the club how you want to. Now here's the problem. CC is going back to dictating Jo on work. Making her do all the work. She's not putting in the same hours but close enough. To top it off Jo has health issues that can become a life threatening situation if she doesn't stop. I want a home life with her. Not only one night off that we just spend in bed because were to tired to do anything else. I want that but I want dinners at home with the kids. I want a normal life. How can I make Jo see she's getting in the same rut as before. I already gave up on one person for putting work before our family. I love her so much but I already have put 15 years into a no where relationship. I don't want to do it again. I'm 29 and she 44. I told her I didn't want to wake up at 45 asking where my life went. I've seen that with too many people. I just want to be in love and have a normal ( I'll settle for mostly normal) life. Any advice

[mgirl]

Hi Aug,

 

I know what you mean and i understand where you're coming from. Working nights drains you and you do miss out on too much in life. It sounds like CC is intent on getting her own way, dispite letting Jo think things have changed. My advice to you is to convince Jo to change jobs or careers. Is there any way she can work for CC during the day, doing stock takes and admin work? The other thing Jo can do is offer to buy into the business and become a partner, thus dictating her own work hours, or to sign a contract with CC regarding her hours. If CC wanted Jo back then obviously Jo is important to her. Perhaps now CC won't budge since Jo since she thinks Jo will do anything she asks.

 

After re-reading your post, it seems that Jo is not happy with this. Aside from buying into the business or getting a contract signed (which will still tie you to CC and you don't want that), I think she should leave and do what she was doing during that year that she was away from the club. Life is too short wasting doing something you don't like and having people like CC disrespect you. If CC is treating her this way then obviously she is going back on her word and can't be trusted. I say make a clean break for it.

 

I hope i haven't contradicted myself here, but i think that if you are truelly sick of this CC person, you should make the break. If you think there is any way you can work with her, make sure you do it on equal terms and if she violates your agreement, leave. I personally would leave. She has gone back on her word and can't be trusted. Believe me, i have worked for people like this. They never change, they just keep charming you in until they get their own way.

[aug104evr]

Thanks for the advice. I know Jo will leave if I tell her how much this bothers me. I'm tired of everyone who is suppose to love her taking advantage of her. Her two main past relationships were not that good. One jealous girlfriend and the other was a unemotional drunk. I want to show her the good life of a family. I can't make her see how important she is around here. When my daughter found out she couldn't make this trip this weekend, she said she wasn't going either. She works so much and then feels left out when she gets home. Being stubborn she just sulks about it. Then when I tell her I know what's bothering her to just talk about it she won't. I know part of the problem is CC but mainly it's Jo just not knowing how to stand up for herself. And I have always been one to stick up for people who don't stick up for themselves. It's so fustrating. I've tried to be patient and see if she will do something herself but it's just gotten worse. I want to confront her but not be too pushy. So any advice on what to tell her???

[mgirl]

No, not really. Maybe you should just take her out one day (or away for the weekend) with you and your daughter. Make sure you have a good time. Let it stew for a few days (no more than 3), and make sure you make her tell you she had a good time. Raise the issue, kind of revel in it for a few days, and then say, "see, this is what a good life is all about... don't you want more of it"? And then try to steer the conversation from here, and try to get to the bottom of what is really bothering her. If you can make her see what she is missing out on, you will have a greater chance of success. Don't give up, not many people are as lucky as her to have somebody offering them a stable family life. Just keep perservering and one day she'll see what she is missing out on. Leading by example is the best way.