Having a really hard time

[alonegirl]

I am having a really hard night and I'm not sure why. It has been over 6 weeks since my ex-boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me basically to be with some girl he met at work. I was starting to do a little better but tonight I feel as though I have taken 6 steps backward.

 

We have been NC since the day we broke up which is very hard and also very annoying. I can not believe that he hasn't called me to at least see how I am doing, he has just walked away from 4 years like it was nothing to him. He did call me on Monday but I missed the call and he didn't leave a message so I called back like half and hour later and he didn't answer (he was probably with her by then) so I left a very casual and upbeat message that I saw that he called and just wanted to know what's up. I have heard nothing since. It is driving me crazy to know what he was calling me for. I still have minor things at the place and my cat is also still there (he agreed to keep her until I found my own place) so at first I thought he was calling me to come get everything but the more I thought about it I think he would rather have that conversation with my voicemail rather than acutally with me, because then it saves him from having to hear how much he hurt me (he already knows he broke my heart and part of me would like to think he feels a little bad but who knows. )

 

I don't really know what to do now, some people tell me to call him again most people tell me no, that I left a message the ball is back in his court. He are both very prideful people and I know that it really boiled down to who was going to call first and he did, but now I feel like he is testing me or something to see how long it will before I call him again which is why I am not calling eventhough I want to so bad. I think that could be what's happening but I could be way off.

 

I then start to question the whole NC thing because I wonder if the more NC I do the faster he forgets about me, I feel like because I am doing NC maybe he gets the impression that I don't care or didn't love him or something but that is not the case. My brain is just working overtime tonight I wish I could just shut it off. I guess more and more I am realizing that it is over but there is that part of me that still thinks maybe one day things would be different. I know I could probably never trust him again and I shouldn't want to be with him again, my head tells me that but my heart tells me how much I love him and miss him so I guess my heart carries the hope. I don't know, I'm just obsessing tonight and I'm not sure why.

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

I feel sorry about your situation.. but NC actually is not for getting back together, is for healing yourself and take care of your emotions and become more stronger form inside..

I was thinking same as you are th abt NC when i break up with my fiancee, and I break the ICE.. and had really really bad experience by that and shattered my all confidence and self esteemed...and end up on cheating..

If he moved on with some1 then never ever bother him and you better move on too.. i know its not easy task but its not impossible.. get your self busy,, do alot of workout,, make your self happy..and put smile on your face..

 

You will get over him..

 

Take care

[littlelaxer]

hey,

 

i really think ur best bet right now is not to call again. so he called u didnt leave a message, u called him left a nice message now its up to him to call you. You have to make it look like its not a big deal he called. And if u call him again its gonna look like ur sitting wondering why he called (even though u are, which is ok cause we have all done it). But listen if he wants to talk he will call later and i bet u he will.

 

You can not be avaible for him. You have to show him that ur life has moved on after he left for some chick. From what i have read with some people......i bet if u dont call him again and MAYBE answer when he calls again i bet it will start to btoher him.

 

Remember he left ur 4 year realtionship for some other chick!! So really just wait and see what his next move is. But go out and have fun DO NOT i repeat DO NOT seem like u are sitting being all sad for him. ok?!?! i hope that helped some

[PB]

Hang in there alonegirl!

 

We all go through this stuff. My ex and I work together so I haven't really had a chance to do the NC thing. I'm not sure which way is better. I probably would have gotten over it sooner if we weren't around each other all the time. On the other hand, it gave me hope for a long time that so long as I was around her every day, I would have the opportunity to "win her back" (or at the very least have opportunities to understand what happened better).

 

I was like you, I was fearful that I just wasn't showing her that I liked her enough. Perhaps she was just waiting for me to prove to her that I had changed? Of course, in reality, she was dating someone else and while she generally cares about me, she was not at all focusing on me and my concerns (other than when we talked about our relationship it would make her sad.)

 

I would always read into those sad eyes that she regretted not giving me another chance. When you are hurting you interpret every nuance into some kind of meaning that isn't there.

 

Our relationship was 4 years also.

 

We tried the "friends" thing for awhile but it was making it worse for me. Today she brought her new boyfriend into the office and introduced him to everyone (fun stuff to deal with). She apologized to me later saying that after he walked her back from lunch, he asked her if he could meet her co-workers (he knows nothing about what went on between us). I shook his hand and quickly thereafter exited the building for a lunch of my own.

 

I guess I envy your situation in that you don't have to face your ex everyday and see them on cloud 9 about their new relationship. On the other hand, you probably envy the fact that I least know what's going on.

 

It's hard either way. Good Luck!