Admitting I have a retroactive jealousy problem

[missusAshley]

Retroactive jealousy is a part of a type of anxiety disorder called pure O or intrusive thoughts OCD. It is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder. It's important to note that this is a psychological problem that has nothing to do with insecurity and immaturity. Yes, I do have extensive training in Psychology. Both very secure and mature people, as well as insecure immature ones can equally suffer from anxiety disorders.

 

You cannot handle this online, not entirely anyway, nor can you do it all on your own. You need therapy and not drugs but the talking therapies. (Behavioral and psychoanalytic type therapy.)

 

I actually have contamination OCD tendencies and my husband has pure O ones - much like yourself. What helps is to keep in mind that it's an anxiety disorder and when your life is only normally stressful you will be able to keep it under control. However, when you are under more stress than usually this will aggravate your OCD and retroactive jealosy is part of it.

 

All of us get thoughts like yours, it's just that my brain is able to switch them off, ignore and dissmis them and your brain has a tendecy to dwell on them till they take on a life of their own and sometimes completely take over...Just like your brain moves on from contamination thoughts and mine has trouble with it, especially when I'm stressed out.

 

So, have you been under more stress than usually, lately? It will help to reduce and eliminate unnecessary stress.

 

Also, it will mean the world to both of you if you develop a habit of discussing your problem honestly and respectfully but taking it with a healthy dose of humour.

 

She should hear you out, your worries, understand that it's a medical issue, respectfully reassure you,..., and you should both learn to look at it with a dose of humour.

 

I just read through the entire thread. It's unfortunate that you can't access talking therapies where you live. You need to explain to your girlfriend that you have pure OCD and retroactive jealousy, otherwise she will take your questions as you not trusting her and questioning her charcter and honesty. You also shouldn't be ashamed of this, as this is just where your psychology is genetically, heraditary thin and breaks when challanged by life and stress. We all - literally all of us - have such, and many people much worse, weak spots. There's something wrong with all of us and something broken about all of us. It's what we do with our damage that counts. I am available if you need a friend to talk to. You can always PM me.

 

You seem to have overcame a difficult start in life. You can beat pure OCD as well.

[ThatwasThen]

“therapy does not exist in my county”

What country is that, Henry?

What did you go to therapy for that last time you went ?

[Horridhenry]

Thanks for all the replies. An interesting range of views going from a form of OCD, to a more general malaise brought about by immaturity and the past, to the strange evaluation of me being an unemployable who deserves everything I get.

 

Without spending $500 a month on someone with no credentials, therapy options are limited in the U.K. so I think these issues are likely things I’ll have to work through myself. I’ll bow out of this thread here and will make decisions over the next few weeks as to whether or not I can stick with the girlfriend or jump ship.

[Gary Snyder]

I don't know the story about the sex tape......but, this is why people should throw out pics/vids of their ex.

 

You are worrying that the ex was better. The problem is, you don't understand how love works. When a person breaks up, they often fall out of love - so that's probably where she is regarding the ex - no feelings, so no interest.

 

All that matters is the one she loves now, today - and that's you. The one they love is always the superhero. One woman's creeper is another woman's keeper. Knowledge is power.

 

I would also recommend counseling for your anxiety / attitude.

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks for all the replies. An interesting range of views going from a form of OCD, to a more general malaise brought about by immaturity and the past, to the strange evaluation of me being an unemployable who deserves everything I get.

 

Without spending $500 a month on someone with no credentials, therapy options are limited in the U.K. so I think these issues are likely things I’ll have to work through myself. I’ll bow out of this thread here and will make decisions over the next few weeks as to whether or not I can stick with the girlfriend or jump ship.

 

https://www.therapytribe.com/therapist/england-eng-london/

 

I'm not sure where in the U.K you are but a quick google search will likely yield you someone with credentials near where you live. Group type therapy is always less expensive than one-on-one as well.