No dating experience. How do you know if a friend is interested?

[abitbroken]

Ask her out, and don't think about the next step.

if she agrees, go out. Its okay if she declines, but suggests something else.

 

Be prepared she could be on the rebound or she might not see you as someone she is attracted to, but going out with her gives YOU the experience in asking someone out and going out. The give and take of conversation. If she wants to talk, don't be the male girlfriend and let her call you at all hours, say "hey, i am in the middle of something would you like to meet at that new dessert place and talk there?

 

Also, if you have not really dated not because you are a super busy guy but because of crippling lack of confidence, i would take an honest assessment of yourself - do you shower regularly, going to a higher end store and getting help from a salesperson to pick out things that look good on you and can be adjusted - legs or arms shortened or waist taken in or out - can give someone a world of confidence and teach you how to look your best. Even if you dress casually - you don't have to buy a suit - but step things up if you wear sweatpants all the time.

 

That kind of self care makes you feel more confident.

[RockmanX]

That sweatpants comment hit home hard lol. That's pretty much all I wear since I'm either at the gym or walking. I used to be a shut in and morbidly obese at almost 600lbs. Im down to 290 and keep myself clean since I sweat and go to the gym alot.

 

I don't have a much of a fashion sense, never did. That's something I should look into since my old pants are too big for me and all I wear are sweatpants.

[abitbroken]

That sweatpants comment hit home hard lol. That's pretty much all I wear since I'm either at the gym or walking. I used to be a shut in and morbidly obese at almost 600lbs. Im down to 290 and keep myself clean since I sweat and go to the gym alot.

 

I don't have a much of a fashion sense, never did. That's something I should look into since my old pants are too big for me and all I wear are sweatpants.

 

Do you work? How can you get away with just sweat pants.

 

Then now is the time to go a nice store and buy yourself a couple pairs of pants - maybe a pair of jeans, a casual pant, and a pant you can wear so in case you have a funeral, or have a job interview or are going somewhere nice that requires it. Maybe even go once to a place like the Men's Wearhouse or a nice dept store where they tailor things for a pair of nice pants and maybe some khakis. Are you going to expect to go on a date in sweat pants? There are subtle things that people notice. If you went to coffee with her and weren't in sweatpants, she would see you differently.

 

Also, good job on the weight loss. Keep going. that's wonderful.

[trojan]

yea, thats a lot of weight to lose. You are down to the weight where it doesnt matter that much to women or bother them. You can go to a second hand store and get very nice clothes; I do all the time. And once again, good job losing that much weight. that is a real hurdle, there.

[James516]

Your posts in this thread have been about you and your issues while contemplating liking someone partly because it appears she continues attention by sharing her issues with you. Dating happens naturally as a man and woman spend time together. It is attraction, drive, passion, and sex (which then fades into tolerance if lasting that long). Not therapy sharing moments, which doesn't sound like healthy relationship material for either of you. Billie made an outstanding point - it is a betrayal when a friend feels they are sharing something with a friend only to find out that person had ulterior reasons. There is the reason you've been searching for not to attempt to date your friend.

 

You clearly have insulated yourself in your adult life from going through getting run over by rejection of someone you are interested in or bad breakups. We all have had dating disasters and it toughens us up for being ready to approach new people. If you really do want to meet someone, in this situation dating apps would be excellent. It would seem best that you choose one and start gaining experience contacting women and attempting connections to meet and find someone mutually attracted. Not just one friend to focus on, wasting time while hoping for signs.

[Wiseman2]

Is she still in this troubled relationship? You can like her whatever way you wish but if she's taken don't act on your feelings. Have you been depressed? How is your physical and emotional health? Are you regularly followed by a doctor or therapist?

 

Does she talk about her weight or have issues with it? Yes get to a clothes place and get some appropriate street clothes. Some jeans, casual slacks and a few shirts. There are plenty of clothes for your current size.

 

You are hanging out a lot so what would the difference be? What is her take on things? Is she a coworker or neighbor? Is she aware of your struggles?

I used to be a shut in and morbidly obese at almost 600lbs. Im down to 290.

[RockmanX]

Your posts in this thread have been about you and your issues while contemplating liking someone partly because it appears she continues attention by sharing her issues with you. Dating happens naturally as a man and woman spend time together. It is attraction, drive, passion, and sex (which then fades into tolerance if lasting that long). Not therapy sharing moments, which doesn't sound like healthy relationship material for either of you. Billie made an outstanding point - it is a betrayal when a friend feels they are sharing something with a friend only to find out that person had ulterior reasons. There is the reason you've been searching for not to attempt to date your friend.

 

You clearly have insulated yourself in your adult life from going through getting run over by rejection of someone you are interested in or bad breakups. We all have had dating disasters and it toughens us up for being ready to approach new people. If you really do want to meet someone, in this situation dating apps would be excellent. It would seem best that you choose one and start gaining experience contacting women and attempting connections to meet and find someone mutually attracted. Not just one friend to focus on, wasting time while hoping for signs.

 

Honestly, rejection isn't too scary for me. If it happens, it happens. I'm more terrified to let anyone know I like them, like that very idea of being vulnerable makes me avoidant.

[RockmanX]

Is she still in this troubled relationship? You can like her whatever way you wish but if she's taken don't act on your feelings. Have you been depressed? How is your physical and emotional health? Are you regularly followed by a doctor or therapist?

 

Does she talk about her weight or have issues with it? Yes get to a clothes place and get some appropriate street clothes. Some jeans, casual slacks and a few shirts. There are plenty of clothes for your current size.

 

You are hanging out a lot so what would the difference be? What is her take on things? Is she a coworker or neighbor? Is she aware of your struggles?

 

She hasn't been in a relationship in years, before I knew her. I've been depressed most of my adult life and decided to go to a gym lose weight for my sake. It hasn't made the depression go away but it's done wonders for my happiness and self esteem. I met her there and what started out as congratulations for losing weight became genuine compliments and eventually turned into long discussions. She does struggle with her weight although I think she looks amazing and is in great shape. She used to be morbidly obese although I had no clue until she showed me some old photos.

[Wiseman2]

Ask her out!!!

She hasn't been in a relationship in years, before I knew her. She used to be morbidly obese although I had no clue until she showed me some old photos.

[abitbroken]

She hasn't been in a relationship in years, before I knew her. I've been depressed most of my adult life and decided to go to a gym lose weight for my sake. It hasn't made the depression go away but it's done wonders for my happiness and self esteem. I met her there and what started out as congratulations for losing weight became genuine compliments and eventually turned into long discussions. She does struggle with her weight although I think she looks amazing and is in great shape. She used to be morbidly obese although I had no clue until she showed me some old photos.

 

She is fair game to ask her to something other than talking at the gym. Could be anything to walking through the fall festival to saying what about talking about it over coffee instead of over gym equipment.

 

I thought it was a recent breakup. It sounds like she thrives talking about misery and you are an open ear with misery of your own. Sometimes two people get together because of their mutual need to talk about misery. Hopefully, she can be someone has the capacity to be happy as well

[abitbroken]

yea, thats a lot of weight to lose. You are down to the weight where it doesnt matter that much to women or bother them. You can go to a second hand store and get very nice clothes; I do all the time. And once again, good job losing that much weight. that is a real hurdle, there.

 

I am saying to go a retail store because we often don't have a good idea how things should fit and won't be motivated to get things shortened. I buy second hand because i have already been through figuring out what cuts of things really flatter me an what to look for. It took time. But for a guy who has more basic needs like some pants, going to a place where you can try on a lot of different styles with many sizes available, you can find just the right thing and THEN when you go second hand shopping in the future, you already know what a good fitting pair of pants looks like. Also, it will set him up with classic or current looks.