The hurt is so bad

[mesosad]

I have been going through a seperation for about 6 months and it has been total hell. I have 2 beautiful children of 2 and 4 years old. My wife started a new relationship when she left the family home and when I found this out I was even more devistated. We are going through the courts regrading the children she wants to move away with them, she is also trying to take every last cent off me I own. She is really going out of her way to hurt me. I feel I never did anything wrong by her ever only we lacked in communication. I've tried everything to try and get our family back but she always say's I don't love you and leave me alone. She has totally done everything to ruin my life in every way and I should hate her for this but the strange thing is no matter how much she tries to hurt me I still love her so much and I love my family as a whole so much. I have tried every type of counciling possible but no matter what I do I can't let go of her it's just impossible. She is in my thoughts always and every night I dream of her. The hurt is just too much and I just don't know where to turn next. Friends and family say time will heal but I can't see this happening ever, I'm so sad, my life is not complete without her, this feeling of emptness is horrible, nothing works. I'm desperate to get her back nothing works. I know I have to be strong for my children and I know I'm a great father. Why can't my wife just come home and let us all be a happy family like it was, I will do whatever it takes and will forgive whatever has happened, why can't she see the light for the sake of the children and that I will be the very best husband for her. Why! Why! I would type more but I have to put my children to sleep and return them to the mother tomorrow. I wont see them again for over a week. I'm hurting so much please someone help me no one can seem to.

[mesosad]

Thanks buddy for your reply, I know I have to deal with it and nothing I do or say will change anything. People always tell me I'm too kind and forgiving but that is just the way I am. There is no way this hurt is ever going to stop so I'm just going to have to live with it each day and always do the very best for my children. I'm really stressing about going to court for the final orders if I loose my kids I have nothing. I'm really fighting this one to the best of my ability and it is costing me a fortune with solicitors, everyday I think all this money could be going towards my kids but I have no choice. One day at court cost me about $5,000 my money is just eating away. This money could have bought many wonderful things for my kids. Just to visit my solicitor for half an hour costs me $275 just to talk to him but I have to do it. I must be strong and battle on.

Thanks again for your reply

[dextro]

no prob buddy I can fully understand your situation but dont think your emotion will never changed. I thought I love someone but I juste realise tonite I dont and that I kinda have feelings for a closest friend. The pain of love is weird to understand. but I can assure you it wont last for long as you may thought. I may be young but I have seen alot of BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP peace out

 

 

Jeff l. Spiegel

[mesosad]

Cheers you have been a lot of help. I wish you all the best.

[solstice48]

I know your going through so much intense pain & I'm sorry you have to go through it. I know it feels like it will never end & rips at your heart each moment of each day. My wife left me back in November because she had to find herself & didn't love me anymore. Its a real tough road your on & unfortunetly there's nothing you can do about her decision to leave. If she's involved with someone else so soon there may have been more going on than you were aware of. You'll never figure out what's going on in her mind & she's probably not going to tell you. Even though I have 2 older sons & didn't have to worry about them in the finial court decision I know what happened troubles them. So, I can just imagine the anguish your children are going through with all that's happening in their life & yours. It's so difficult to be strong at a time like this but for their sake you have to do the best you can. Time will help with all that's happened but it comes very slowly & I'm sure you know there will be times where you'll just fall apart. Its something we all have to go through. I think once your able to get the legal part of all this behind you you'll be able to concentrate more on healing yourself. I know your probably dying inside but try to focus on your children & do the best you can, that's all anyone can ask. There's nothing you can change about all that's happened & you can only pray that what's ahead will turn out the way you wish it would. I pray that it does also. Take care of yourself & remember your a good person for feeling as strong as you do for your ex. It shows the depth of your love. It may not be much help but if she left she was the failure in your relationship not you. I really hope it all works out for you & your children!

[mesosad]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support it means a lot to me I just can't see my self getting through this if I loose my kids it's not possible. I just wish there was a way of letting go of my wife or at least the right approach to take with her, she phoned me today asking if she could take some last things and this would be the final chapter, I was at work and told her I could not talk and I would phone her back, I really don't know what is the right thing to say to her, I know I'll say I love her and could we please give our family another chance and forget the past but I know what the answer will be and the more I push the more bitter she gets. I can't understand why she gets bitter at me when all I want is my family back and for us to repair all that went wrong. I'm a good man why can't she see that, why does she want to run away from a family and a man that loves her and will do anything for her I just don't understand. I'm stressing out making this call to her because I know when it's finished I will be so hurt and unable to cope with what she has to say. I will have to cope....I love my kids so much and they need me, I'm just so tired of being so hurt all the time it's just eating me away. Please pray she will come back to me please! All I want in my life is my wife and kids nothing else matters nothing. If there is a God why will he not grant me this wish so my life can be contented am I asking too much. Please everyone pray for me, pray for my children and my wife. Please let the hurt stop once and for all. I'm not bad why am I receiving all this pain what have I ever done to deserve this. HELP

[solstice48]

I'll be sure to say a prayer for you tonight, hope God will be listening & it helps!

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello mesosad. I just read your post, and I was very touched by your words and devotion to your wife and family. I am so sorry to hear you are in this intense pain, and by the sounds of your words, I can tell you are a very sensitive, deep-feeling person. I wanted to write because I have felt a lot of excruciating emotional and mental pain in my life due to loss of love, loss of a parent. I, too, have asked "Why God?" and have felt utterly alone and hopeless. There have been times in my life where I felt like I really couldn't go on...dropped out of school, on medication, in hospitals, etc. The anguish of emotional pain is sometimes so intense, it is worse than any kind of physical pain. Letting go of love is the hardest thing any of us can do because love is the highest form of happiness known to mankind.

 

I have pulled through these things, and have been made stronger, and have learned a great deal about life. Pain means growth, and although there seems to be no end in sight to the suffering, there really is.

 

You need to grieve, grieve long and deeply. You need to pray, pray as you have been, and don't worry about asking God what you want because He wants to know. He knows what is best for you. This may seem impossible to believe, but the fact your wife is leaving could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. This won't erase all the pain and agony you have been going through, but one day you will be able to reflect upon all of this and gather all the lessons you have learned from it.

 

Love is paramount to our existence. The need to give and receive love is the most real need any of us will ever have. You have a heart filled with love and devotion. This will not be wasted. Pour this love into your children, into yourself, and yes, into your wife. Continue to love her even though she is not there. Love does not stop because someone has died or moved on from us.

 

You have taken a good step by seeking to talk with counselors and others on this site. Keep writing, keep talking, and keep feeling.

 

Your wife has made a decision that has devestated your life. Acknowledge this, feel everything you need to feel. Remember that your life is not over--you still live, you still have your children to love. Whatever the outcome is, you can get through it. Your struggles are for a reason. Your struggles remind us all what it is to love and be human.

 

Time will pass. Things may get worse, then okay, worse, then better. Life is not a constant, and neither are relationships. This loss in your life is paving a way to a new beginning. Talking to many people, I have heard quite a few stories of profound suffering that has turned into profound joy. Sometimes happiness comes through the most unlikely of circumstances. Don't give up hope.

 

Perhaps now is the time to distance yourself from communication with your wife, as terribly hard as that might be. When all of this turmoil has settled, there will be a time to talk again. Only God knows what is in our furtures..trust in Him. I am praying for you, praying that you will have the strength to face what you must, and that happiness will fill your life once again. If this relationship is meant to be, it will survive somehow. And if not, love will be yours to give and feel again, no matter how impossible it may seem now.

 

God Bless.

[ric_8440]

YO is there anybody in there? Are you afraid that she'll get everything including the $, kids and more? your right because in this lovely country of ours no matter what State, the first one to make an issue to the courts is going to have good cause. Even if it is all bullshit. Don't let her get away with anything because she does not deserve anything but visitation rights and those should be supervised at first. Don't let yourself become some kind of a wuss and take what is yours cause if she did it once, she'll do it again (cheat that is). Go back into when it all started and log everything you know about her affair or affairs and take charge of this issue. Those children need to be with you so fight for the kids not her. Get rid of the damage damnit. You did nothing you owe her nothing. So for all of the men who get screwed like you may, do it for us.

god bless