she has cold feet

[mgirl]

That not being her style would annoy me! I think you should call, what have you got to lose? The worst case scenario is that you can use getting your stuff as an excuse to regain some power and control in this situation! No, really, she has your stuff, so i think getting your stuff is the symbolic way of you ending it once and for all. I think you should call her and if it doesn't go your way, or you don't get a response, then arrange a time to go over and retrieve your things. If you feel inclined, you can ask her why she hasn't called etc. and where do you stand with her when you get there. If she is shy, you might need to push a bit. Okay, a lot.

 

Thanks for the advice Patience. The thing is i work in that environment, i don't actually go out, so the only girls i get to meet are screwed up! Excellent advice though, i will bare that in mind. I really want to look in all the right places, i just can't do it until i have finished up my work in those places. I am very confident i will meet somebody nice, i just don't have the chance to right now. Very sobering advice!

 

Now go call your woman.

[patience]

Well, I called her, but she wasn't home so I had to leave a message. At this point, I just want my stuff back! What the heck am I going to do if she doesn't call back soon? What she has in her possession is of value to me, and I trusted her with my things, now I'm wishing I hadn't done that!

[mgirl]

I know, it's kind of annoying. Have you known her for long?

[patience]

I called her again because I got the vibe that she wasn't going to call me, and I'm picking up my stuff tomorrow. I talked with her briefly, and she basically gave me the 'I'm too busy to get together' line, yadda yadda yadda. I am going to take the hint and let it go for now. She was all over the place during the conversation. I think she is kind of messed up right now because of the break-up with her ex. I've known her for awhile, a couple of years, but not really well. (she had a boyfriend, we were sort of like casual friends, she flirted a lot with me though) Overall, I am feeling disappointed, but I know I will be okay. She and I will still talk when we cross paths, I have no hard feelings or anything. More than anything, I think it is bad timing, and she probably is 'curious' but not at all seriously interested. From now on, I am not going to loan out anything anymore unless I really trust the person! I felt so awkward asking for my stuff back. I hate that I have to go and get it, she could have at least dropped it off to me, but at least I'm getting my things back!

[mgirl]

Yep, that's sensible advice you've given to yourself Patience. It sounds like you have identified the situation well, that she is confused and it is good you're giving her time. But at the same time, it's good that you are moving on for yourself.

 

I think it sucks that she hasn't returned your things but even though she is a little confused or 'screwed up' at the moment, she could have at least dropped them around. It's funny how life goes on and you keep learning all these little lessons.

 

You are so sensible! We need more like-minded people like you out there

[patience]

Thanks mgirl. I picked up my things today, so that's that. I'm feeling glad that nothing happened between her and I actually, because I think she would have freaked out, and then I would be really hurting. I think that it is for the best that I move on from her. She and I aren't on the same level at all, so why waste my time?

[mgirl]

Yeah, it seems like that's where it is heading. It's funny (it's not really, but you know what i mean), when i like somebody, i stress out about it for ages, maybe weeks or months, depending on how severe the crush is, and then it gets to a point where it climaxes, and then suddenly, i seem to lose interest. I think our nervous systems get sick of being maxed out all the time. I guess that's what's happened to you.

[patience]

I think our nervous systems get sick of being maxed out all the time.

 

I agree. For me, it is just not worth pursuing. If she was interested, she would have made much more of an effort. There wasn't enough of a balance, do you know what I mean? I was doing most of the giving by far, and that's not healthy. I'm sure I boosted her ego a great deal in the process too!

 

Sometimes things get to the point where it causes too much hurt to hold on, and I don't want to end up crushing on someone I can't be with...yuck! I'm too old for that nonsense!

 

I've been spending time with my friends who care about me. I'm sure I'll have moments when I feel sad, but I know better than to chase after someone who is just not into me!

[Cadence308]

Where have I been? Looks like I missed out on a lot.

 

Good for you for taking action and going to get your things. I almost never loan out anything to me even with close friends. They are never "done" using them and most of the time I never get them back. I guess I'm stingy that way. So, I don't recommend loaning things out that you really care about.

 

You are probably right that she wasn't going to return your call and was letting you do all of the work. You know when you are doing all of the work in a relationship then the other person is just not that into you because if they were they would be calling you, taking you out, etc. Now that you know she's screwed up and maybe curious, but not seriously intereseted you were able to take control of the situation, get your things, and now you can move on. It is hard and will hurt for a while. Just spend time with people who do want to be your friends and be open to trying new things and having new friendships and you will meet someone who is into you as much as you are into them.

 

Good luck!

[patience]

Hi Ballys,

 

I read the book "He's just not that into you" this week, and I found it helpful. For lesbians, it should be, "She's just not that into you...or she is scared sh*tless of her sexuality"

[Cadence308]

she is scared sh*tless of her sexuality

 

LOL I agree! Glad you picked up the book. I think it puts dating in a funny light and is helpful at the same time for any dating situation.