Always feel like second best

[VivianLuna90]

Did you implement any of the advice you were given in your previous thread?

 

If not, why not?

 

You are going to drive him away with your anger, jealousy and insecurity. Maybe you secretly want that?

 

Yes! I have been better when my boyfriend goes out. I have been able to see things differently and I feel im getting. Its just this whole ex thing felt unexpectedly intense because we were going to have a special ocasion with my boyfriend, and I was a little nervous and too sensitive so I just kinda blew up about it.

 

I did talk about the driving him away thing in therapy, and its kinda true. Its as though a part of me believes he deserves someone way better and not this angry sensitive girl.

[MissCanuck]

And also, I shouldnt use them to someone justify that my relationship is better somehow. Because I should know, I do things that also arent healthy. And also you are right, I dont really know what is going on inside those relationships. Im just not sure it would be a healthy thing if they are deciding to put down their significant other in front of friends and coworkers.

 

Yes, that's what I mean.

 

Your friends might not know about the turmoil that exists in your relationship, because you keep up a pleasant front around others - thereby doing exactly the same thing you criticize other couples for. It was ironic to me that you decided couples put on a show for society when it appears you do so, too. To an extent, many of us do, for reasons of privacy and respect - which is why you should not assume others are less genuine or sincere than you and your boyfriend when you are not being candid about your own problems, either.

 

I agree that it's not wise to put down a partner in front of other people, but really, that's not the main issue. The principle problem is that your relationship is not on solid ground these days and there is a lot of changeworthy behaviour here. Whether or not it's common knowledge among your friends and family is rather irrelevant and not the measuring stick you should be using to judge whether your or anyone else's relationship is unhealthy.

 

Something to think about.

[Gary Snyder]

Ask him to please stop mentioning his ex - it makes you jelous. I know it sounds silly but we are all human, and jealousy happens.

 

But if it helps any, what's valuable is who he loves now - and who he loves is you - his love for his ex died a long time ago.