When an ex emphasizes how much fun they are now having

[quing]

yet you have not once asked or showed any particular concern, what do they mean?

Why do they want you to know when they did the leaving?

[Adventurer]

Yes...actually I would like to know the answer to this one too! Wth my ex those conversations where he has gone on about all the really positive changes he has been making seem...a little over the top. Kind of like he is saying "told you I could do it by myself, look how great I am doing" yet trying to convince himself too. Basically he/she could be saying "I don't need you."

 

Persoanlly, cnce I stopped doing the very embarrassing bargaining phone calls and brought a balance between NC and the odd sutle hint that I was moving on too (but refraining from putting it in his face) he started contacting me back. For the first time he started to ask me how I had been and what I had been up to. I kept things quiet and polite "Fine thanks, and been busy". Partly to bug him and partly to stop myself from sharing my life when it was no longer his business. So hard!

 

I guess it really depends at what stage of the break up this happens. Perhaps later it developd into more a mutual give and take on how each other are doing. This seems like reclaiming territory (much like a teenager does from their parents) and partly a subtle poke at you. Maybe that is too cynical!

[chai714]

yet you have not once asked or showed any particular concern, what do they mean?

Why do they want you to know when they did the leaving?

 

Why would an ex do this? It seems like it would be an "in your face" move to go telling someone who you broke up with that you're having so much more fun now. They probably would tell you this because they are trying to persuade themselves that their life is indeed better. It may actually be better, but it may not. But when they say this to you, it's more likely that they're trying to persuade themselves that their life is better. If their life really was better, I don't think there would be the need to go telling anyone and especially your ex, "hey, my life is so much better now."

[RayKay]

I think they do it to either raise jealousy. If you broke up with them they may do this, or if they are trying to keep you hanging on they may do this, or if they want to test you they may do this, or they might just be selfish and ignorant of your feelings and do it as well!

 

And often, I think it is matter of convincing themselves their life really is so much better without you....even if they don't really believe it yet. They want to "tell you" it is, to maybe boost their own confidence in it.

 

Honestly, if their life really was that much better, and they were happy with how things are, they would likely not need to go around bragging about how great their life is without you - too me it rings of immaturity, disrespect and selfishness.

[JT]

It's called.. "trying to rub poo in your face". Don't fall for it. Just a coverup. The more they hide from their feelings, the worse off they are.. so just keep that in mind when you think it bothers you.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Like JT said he's just rubbing ot in. Or maybe he's trying to make you jealous.

 

Don't let him know if you are because you will be right where he wants you. Just say "good for you" and walk off.

 

Thats quite a pathetic thing to do to someone by trying to convince himself and everyone their life is so awsome.

 

Miya

[Day_Walker]

I would say that its an immature act and only shows their level of fakeness

[quing]

Well my ex of a 6 year relationship (who left me a month ago to date another guy) was doing this yesterday after hooking up for a drink over some lame excuse from her, ( I had done a month of strict NC apart from replying to emails regarding her belongings at my place and also rejected 2 drinks previously when she asked me) Anyway I said I am really happy for her and wish her well for the future and I am sorry I cannot be her little friend to chat to, and I forgive her but will not forget the betrayel, by her and I will not ever look back at the 6 years we had together as it is now from this a complete blur.

And I said if you don't believe me ask my other ex's how I will move on forward and forget them.

 

This seemed to take the wind out of sales and she looked like she was a broken women as she walked off after I turned my cheek as she tried to kiss me and hug me.

 

Now if I had not done this I felt I would become a little dog that would jump through hoops for her while she does what she wants and I take it.

 

Seriously there is an epidemic of this to men and I really think some women watch to much 'sex in the city' and really believe life can be that easy with men.

 

Well them sorts can just go f*&k themselves, I take no prisoners and I know fora fact I will find another good women again, I always do.

 

And any of you out there in a simular position, trust me you will too, don't let them destroy your pride and dignity, make them pay by brushing yourself down as quick as you can and getting on with your life.

[Mr Meh]

Yeah, he may be trying to convince himself, or maybe he's trying in some way to help you move on. Being the one who broke off the relationship with you, he may feel responsible to make sure you are ok..Sure he's doing it in a 'tough love' kind of way, but I thought I'd try and bring a non-cynical possibility in.

[quing]

>>Yeah, he may be trying to convince himself, or maybe he's trying in some way to help you move on. Being the one who broke off the relationship with you, he may feel responsible to make sure you are ok..

 

No, it is a she, and I think I know what it is now after she was saying at a drink I gave into, the fact that she opened up and said she thinks about me and what I would say in certain situations but her mind can never picture and hear it.

[mercury25]

I'd say it's bit-time immature to go on and on to your ex about how great or fun your life is now. I mean, I know it's hard to resist doing so (I have done so before, sadly) but in retrospect (3 years later) I know it was immature and just shows insecurity. He was probably thinking I was a total fool when I said certain things....pretending to be really breezy/happy-go-lucky/I've-got-a-new-guy, etc. All the while he knew I still liked him and wanted him...

I wouldn't dare do that anymore. Really, no way. Nowadays I encourage myself and others...don't feel you have to prove yourself to anyone. If you're doing well, you're doing well, no one (not even your ex) needs to know. If you're "feeling good" then you're feeling good. Don't flaunt it to your ex...