never been kissed

[sara-pezzini]

The whole story is too long and complicated,but since valentinesday I have a boyfriend,it's my first time ever relationship and his too!and we are not very young...I told him that I was in love with him(after months of doubting and flirting and so on)and he siad that he feels the same way about me,he is very a very serious guy and no player,and he is very interested in me and my life..but he also has many problems which he told me about,he confides in me,we talk very much and very often,and we are becoming very close...and allthough we both know each others feelings nothing has happened yet...probably because of lack of experience...I asked him if I could kiss him two weeks ago,he was nervous,but he said "of course",well I was nervous too so I gave him three kisses on the cheeks(which for me was a VERY BIG DEAL)next time I saw him,when we said goodbye I didn't have to ask or do anything,he gave me three kisses on the cheek while holding my hand!!and while all that is fine and for me already amazing,I really really really want to kiss him on the lips,or rather have him kiss me that way,and I don't want to be the one who has to ask for everything...and most importantly I don't want to scare him(while writing this down,even to me it seems a strange situation!! ,so I can only imagine how it must look for you guys!!)so I guess my question is,how can I get him to kiss me,or give him a kiss...I know that he is really in love with me and is not playing with me...It's just so difficult because we are both in our thirties and have no experience,and are both shy...curious if anyone has some good ideas about this situation...I can only think about kissing him right now...takes up my whole day(and night )thanks to anyone with any ideas!!!

[honeyspur]

Wow - what an adventure you are about to go on!

 

I urge you to enjoy this thrilling ride called dating and affection.

I think, quite honestly, you are on the right track. You have the right frame of mind and have a willing partner! Thats more than a lot of people have!

 

But I do see one hurdle you need to overcome. Not wanting to be the one who makes each first move.

The good news is - you have a patient boyfriend who is sympathetic to you and feels similar to you. Almost anything can be overcome with this.

The bad news is, it will move at a snails pace if you refuse to make the first moves. To get past this tentative stage, you need to take a deep breath and take the risk. Every time if necessary. You must reach for his hand, tell him you want to kiss him every time it crosses your mind, ask questions at all times ("Are you as scared as I am?" "I really like kissing more than we have been, do you feel the same way?")

 

It's not silly or dumb to talk like that when you heads are so close together. Thats intimacy.

And you're doing a good job of it.

[sara-pezzini]

thank you for your answer!!! your right!!! and also many people have said to me why rush?because you will only get your first kiss once,so why not take the time and wait for it....I really want to kiss him...but I guess everyone is right...I should just enjoy being with him and feeling loved...and take it little steps at a time! I will post any updates on the situation here too,since I'm going to see him tonight!!

[Resilience]

Hi!

 

I know how you feel, the first kiss is always the hardest!.. What I find that really helps is just to relax, dont think about it but let it flow naturally. What I mean is next time you are alone with him, hold his hands and move your cheeks closer to his cheek, more like if you were to peck him on the left check.. and then just close your eyes and move the lips over to the right and you will find his lips. From there, nature takes care of itself. Trust me

 

Hope this helps.

 

Resilience.

[arwen]

 

 

Hey sara,

 

I think the first time is the hardest especially when you are that much in love... there is really no need to rush things at this point, just wait until you both feel more comfortable.

 

Funny when I saw your name I expected an Italian girl but we live even closer than that!

 

 

 

Enjoy your man and relax,

 

Ilse.

[sara-pezzini]

thanks to everyone for answering,it has helped me a lot and I decided to wait and see what happens or maybe give him a hint in a conversation that I want to kiss him,and see what he says,I get braver and braver around him ,and continue to surprise myself!!!so far I have done many things that a year ago I never would have done!!!

 

Ilse no I am not italian,sara pezzini is the name of the character in one of my favourite tv series ever that we live in the same country,and yet communicate now in english

 

I am going to call him this afternoon because there are some other issues that we have to talk about...namely that a few people from work found out about us ,and if I have the nerve I will bring up the kiss!!!

[sara-pezzini]

little update...still no kiss but I am pretty sure that it will happen soon!!!!last week I have written him a letter in his language(he is not dutch,from another more closed culture,with a very difficult language!!!)that letter took me 8 hours to write with the help of an online translation site...basically I wrote that I like how things are going with us and that I like spending time with him and that I'm falling even more in love with him...and that we can still take it easy and that I don't want to scare him or pressure him but that I want more,not jump into bed immediately,but that I want to kiss him and touch him and hold him ,but that I am a little nervous to do it because I am very shy and because I don't really know if he wants to either,and that I know that it is hard for him to talk about his feelings...and that I found a way around that....if he says nothing about this letter to me this time than I am going to assume that it is okay if I kiss him and that then i am going to assume that he wants to kiss me too!! that way he doesn't have to say anything and I make it easier for him and he knows exactly what I want and what is going to happen,unless he says that he doesn't want it!!I thought that was very clever and brave of me!!!!! and when I saw him again we were not alone but he told me that he was very impressed with my letter and had a big grin on his face all night!!!!!!and this was tuesday and no textmessage or phonecall that he doesn't want to so I will see him again this tuesday and I assume it will happen then!!!!!!!!!he has had the time to get used to the idea that I will kiss him,and if tuesday he doesn't say anything about it then I will say didn't react so I can kiss you now?and then kiss him I will probably be more nervous then I am now,writing it down but so will he,at least he knows what I want and what is going to happen!!wish me luck and I will let you know if it happened!!!

[arwen]

Hey sara!

 

I think that was such a cool idea, the whole letter-thing

 

*Thumbs up for you*

 

I sent you a pm

 

Ilse.

[honeyspur]

wow sara! Excellent job with the letter - what a great way to make an effort for someone - happy to hear he's appreciating it.

[ShySoul]

Nice sara, that was a great idea and a brave thing to do. Don't be nervous about the kiss, just enjoy it. All the time, all the nervousness, the waiting... it will be worth it. I'm excited for you.