Trying to talk to strangers - Weird mood about it

[Silentlyfor]

The tone and the language in this post may seem strange. Forgive me, I'm on the spectrum and I have a very structured, almost dispassionate, way of talk to and about other people.

 

So I was out for a business meeting in a mall today and I figured out that I'm not using my social skills to their full potential. Walking in and out, there are a lot of people sitting around and or standing looking over WEM's Santa Maria (the mall's main tourist attraction) that I could easily strike a conversation with. Thing is, I find myself overthinking my approach to conversation with any given stranger. I think things like "oh, they seem busy on the phone" or "oh, they're waiting for someone so I shouldn't bother them" or "hey, they probably don't want to be bothered, they're there to enjoy themselves watching skaters or something." All that, and of course, thinking "I don't want to be a creep" (A bs thought if ever there was one but one I still have). I want to dismiss this lack of wanting to converse to some sort of social anxiety ... thing is ... this action paralysis when it comes to talking to new people ... that's so common, calling it "anxiety" is overstating the issue.

 

In terms of how I view others, I'm mainly an observational but, unless approached, I will not go out of my way to interact with others. I will notice ticks, habits, mannerisms and tone of speech in terms of getting a read from someone (for the sake of it, of course) but I've never made any material growth in using these observations in way to initiate contact with someone and carry one a conversation. You see, I'm fine if someone starts talking to me, of course, but when I want to talk to someone I get a huge swirl of thoughts, doubts and, for some reason, painful reminders of when I have at some point earlier weirded people out (at least from my perception) with previous attempts at trying to talk to them.

 

My fellow enotaloners who are anxious about conversation and connecting with others, I'm reaching out to you. For those of you who are more extroverted and actually enjoy talking to people right out in the open, help me with my baby steps. Where should I start in terms of getting over this issue of starting convos with others?

[DanZee]

Yeah, you really should not be chatting up total strangers like that. When you do talk to strangers, you're usually sharing an experience with them. Such as when you're in a line that's moving slowly, you could turn to someone next to you and complain about the speed the line is moving at. Or if you're trying to find something in a store, you could ask a stranger, do you know where men's pants are? Or you're at a movie and at the end you mention to someone near you that that was a great movie. And sometimes a conversation can start with that kind of foundation. But you shouldn't be just going up to people out of the blue to talk (unless you're trying to ask a girl out). People might think you're weird or that you have an ulterior motive. So you might want to reconsider your idea about talking to complete strangers.

[Seraphim]

Talking to complete strangers is totally unnecessary. My son who is on the spectrum would rather fork out an eye than talk to a stranger. If it feels unnatural don’t do it .