Lonely 21 year old guy needs advice

[ImBurningStar]

I guess I'm just looking for some guidance or insight. I am a 21 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend or even taken a girl out on a date. Every girl that I have ever tried to be with has turned me away and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm told by my friends and even the girls that have pushed me away that I'm not a bad looking guy and everyone is always telling me about how nice of a guy I am. What adds to my confusion even more is that I have been told so many times about how lucky some girl is going to be to have me and how when I find someone I am going to make her so happy. If I am so great then why am I always being rejected? It hurts so much when I hear a girl tell me something like that and then she says "no" when I ask her out. It's even worse when after that I see them end up with some a-hole who treats them like sh!t and then they want to come to me to talk when their jerk makes them feel bad because I apparently "Understand" how they're feeling. It's things like this that have me so stressed out and even depressed. I am so lonely and I feel so unwanted and nobody I know has any advice to give. None of my friends really understand my situation because they are all in relationships and they have all been dating since high-school while I have been struggling time after time with every girl I meet. If anyone has any thoughts or advice on my situation it would really be appreciated.

[passions1]

Take it as a compliment with sincerity when your friends tell you that you will someday make a girl feel lucky! When I was around your age, I was more into bad boys. So don't be quite surprised if most of them go for jerks, but it will die out in time. It happens, people go through their bad people phases & when they are ready for something more serious & stable, then they will seek out for people like you! Just give it time. Perhaps consider talking to girls outside your group of friends, but in the meantime keep yourself busy with your school, work, etc. Enjoy those years before you go off have to really go off into the real working world. Also if you come off really lonely & desperate, then people are turned off by that as well. Just have fun & take the time learning & meeting new interesting people. Put yourself out there, but don't try too hard.

[Beec]

Well, I might have a lot of thoughts.

 

First thing to consider is if you are exhibiting behaving that puts you in the description of what some would call a "wussy". I don't mean to insult you, so please do not take it as such. But while women want guys who treat them "nicely", most don't want men who are too nice and do whatever they are told to do.

 

Take a look at these threads for a discussion on this:

 

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Both are kind of long.

 

Next thing I would consider is your skill set with regard to dating. These skills including how well you read and send body language (I bet this is a big issuew ith you); how good you are at social conversations; how well you can mingle; etc.

 

Finally, you need to understand your approach. Timing and how are both issues. If you take too long, you seem afraid and unwilling to take action, i.e. a wussy not a man. If you act too fast, you have no control, which is something else altogether.

 

Work on your skills and learn how to play the game.

[wlfpack81]

To the originator of this thread:

 

That's just the nature of the beast. I'm in the same boat as you and it does suck. Well, the only difference is I've never had a girl say I'd be a good catch and have only gotten 2 comments about being cute my WHOLE life. So at least you're not as bad off as me.

[drydupfob]

To whoever thats never had a gf.

 

Its really not your fault, some people get lucky some don't. those that get lucky have confidence and those that dont dose not. Here are somethings you guys can do to help yourself out.

 

1. Admit it to yourself this is a part of your life that you want to fix.

2. Really take the time to commit yourself to better your situation.

3. Get some help, whether if you have a friend or someone that is successful with women or buy a book on the subject. Become proactive. If you have a friend, than thats really good. Don't let your pride get in the way, just be like hey budy. I really want to learn some of the skills you have with women. MOST men that are successful with women are more than willing to share their skills. all you have to do is ask.

4. MOST IMPORTANT - DO NOT EVER THINK OF ANY GIRL AS THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU, WHEN YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF THINKING YOU ARE DEAD IN THE WATER. REMEMBER HALF OF THE POPULATION ON EARTH IS WOMEN, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. ONE TURNS YOU DOWN, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE.

 

Good luck guys, if you have any questions feel free to pm me.

nan

[Beec]

4. MOST IMPORTANT - DO NOT EVER THINK OF ANY GIRL AS THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU, WHEN YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF THINKING YOU ARE DEAD IN THE WATER. REMEMBER HALF OF THE POPULATION ON EARTH IS WOMEN, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. ONE TURNS YOU DOWN, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE.

 

Not sure how much I agree with this, but it is close to somethign I would tell you.

 

Never, ever think you NEED a certain woman. You may want her, that's a fine thing to think. But you don't NEED her. If you never see her again, you'll be ok. You'll live, you'll be able to enjoy things in life, etc. WAnt is fine, need is not.

[ShySoul]

If these girls don't see what a great guy you are or how lucky they would be to go out with you and how well you would treat them, they are the ones missing out. Don't change anything about yourself, just not be so concerned with wanting a girlfriend. The best things happen when your not looking, so don't worry about it.

[drydupfob]

Its funny how whenever i try to give an advice shysoul always comes in and object to watever I say. True you are entitled to your own opinion, but i dont believe you should try to influence others. They are at a very crucial point in their life, they are starting to question whether wat they are doing are correct, and instead of guilding them onto the right road you seem to always tell them keep doing whatever they are doing even tho they stated clearly that its not working.

 

i know that im not going to get a straight forward reply from you, i'll get some more preaching.

[ShySoul]

drydupfob,

 

I'm not objecting to what you said, I'm just offering my own comments. Given that I'm in the same position I feel a connection to people who post about never having had a relationship. I figure that because I probably feel the same things they are and have the same thoughts, I can relate to them better and thus give more personalized advice.

 

I am trying to help their confidence by getting them to see that they are good people at heart. This is from personal experience: the more I let myself get depressed and worried about something, the worse I feel and the less chance I have of anything working. If everyone tells you that what you are doing is wrong and that he can't possible succeed as you are, there is a good chance it will just make the person feel worse. This will lower your confidence and make it harder to find a relationship. But in recognizing that you are a good person and seeing that nothing is wrong with you, that you simply haven't found the right girl yet, it lessens the hurt people in this position feel. It doesn't make it go away entirely, but it helps.

 

You said we shouldn't influence others. Yet, you are the one saying that your way is guiding them on the right road and that my way doesn't work. That sounds like more influencing then what I'm saying. And I state again, he's free to choose whatever advice he wants. I don't really expect people to follow my advice, I'm just offering it in case someone decides to take it.

 

It does work, it just takes time and patience. Rome wasn't built in a day and the best things in life are worth the wait.