Urgent:Just found out my girlfriend has been lying about her age for over a year

[Algos]

Thanks catfeeder, heading out now to pick her up from the airport...likely won't be home until tomorrow

[Wiseman2]

Why not clear the air instead of both of you in a dance of deception? Why keep up the insanity of she lied about her age and you lying about knowing about it? A simple how you put 2+2 together and figured out her age will do. Then see what happens with that.

 

After 14 mos, you would know if there is a pervasive pattern of deception or if it's this thing or how much someone weighs or earns some other dating site insecurity issue. Major lies such as having past marriages or kids or major lies about financial standing, unemployment or criminal history is of course an instant deal-breaker.

Just tell her I know she’s 58 and I don’t care, it doesn’t change how I feel about her

[Algos]

Why not clear the air instead of both of you in a dance of deception? Why keep up the insanity of she lied about her age and you lying about knowing about it? A simple how you put 2+2 together and figured out her age will do. Then see what happens with that.

 

 

 

Hi Wiseman2,

That is exactly what I did, no dance of deception, just told her I knew, it didn't matter, how I found out (she thought I knew another way). As suspected it was Narrative 1, with a bit of not wanting to admit to being older. She admits its a little vain, not really like her, but I get a little like that too. Funny how it doesn't matter then days you think on your mortality (usually as a parent passes away) and it can. Oddly, or not so, she seems even hotter to me now. I mean d*mn she looked great for "52" but for "58" someone needs to look into her superior genetics.

 

We had a great talk and this did lift a major worry for her. She has a friend who went on to her once about women lying about their age on-line, and when they admit it (even on the first date) he just ends it then and there. To say I disagree with that is an understatement. So yes she was worried about me, people say a lot of things (and mean it when they say it) but do others. I've certainly experienced that, many, many times.

 

Found out no one else knew that I didn't know (as far as she knows) except her therapist. On that point I'm not going to pry, if her kids knew they did the right thing by standing by their mom. Her therapist told her what you'd expect, it's no ones business what age she is, it's common and understandable that women lower their age on dating sites, but once she felt it was not short term with me she should tell me, and the longer she waited the worse it could be. Her therapist also told her that she thought I'd not care about her age but the cover-up would be my concern.

 

After 14 mos, you would know if there is a pervasive pattern of deception or if it's this thing or how much someone weighs or earns some other dating site insecurity issue. Major lies such as having past marriages or kids or major lies about financial standing, unemployment or criminal history is of course an instant deal-breaker.

 

Very true, once I let my post discovery emotional response subside....there was little reason to be concerned.

 

I don't know if dating sites ask for weight, I don't care one bit, a picture is worth a thousand words...also I definitively do not like the tall model, or heroine chic look, curves are good.

 

Interesting you mention past marriages or kids, at my stage in life I'm not so concerned about things from people's 20s or even 30s. As long as these things are settled. I'd only feel I have a right to know such skeletons in the closet if we decided to live together, get married, commit for "life" kind of situation.

 

I'm also not too concerned about her financial standing, again not until we decide to bring our lives closer together, but I've a pretty good idea of it.

 

Criminal history, again for me, is mostly history as long as it doesn't involve things that harm children (well I probably would also care if she was convicted for murder, kidnapping, etc.)...now if she was on probation that I would need to know. :) I'd also say sex offenses but with a knowledge of what it was, had a friend who nearly got labeled a sex offender for urinating in an ally behind a bar (you know they close, you walk out realize you really need to go). It was called "public exposure" but clearly going behind the dumpster in an alley is not flashing, kind of the opposite of exposing ones self, a cop just happened to be walking by and got him by sound and posture.

 

She's got TSA pre (so basically a background check) as well as the employment ones we all seem to need these days clears of a worrisome criminal history. Our state also requires a background check to be a coach etc., basically any work with kids; we've both done that stuff and of course are both clear.

 

For me STDs are something you certainly need to divulge up front, like first date up front, as well as drug addiction issues (including legal ones and even if in the past) but maybe after you think it could go somewhere. I can check off the STD issue with objective evidence as recently had to get a whole bunch of tests done for disability insurance, all good.

 

 

Thank you all for your such rapid input and thoughtful suggestions.

 

I think this relationship issue is closed. :)

[Wiseman2]

Glad it got sorted out and you are on an even keel with everythung