a simple "thanks" would do

[7]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four months, and while it's the best relationship I've been in so far we have our share of problems. Most of them are things I can put up with, but I just can't deal with someone I love so much NEVER thanking me for anything. I have a car and he doesn't, and I really wouldn't mind giving him rides places if he thanked me when I did. It's possible that maybe he just didn't grow up in a family where the thank-you was stressed as severely as it was in mine, but I have told him several times that it's a very important gesture to me. Then he says it obligitorily that one time and forgets every time after that until I remind him again. He seems to think a thank you is implied, but isn't that the reason people say it? Because it's NOT implied?

 

And I'm not sure which is worse, but he also doesn't pitch in for gas when we go on long trips. Last time on the way back I mentioned that it cost 30 bucks "just to get down there," which means he should give me 30 bucks, and he said oh okay, I'll give you 15 tomorrow, but he never did. I guess I should have reminded him, but sometimes things are going so beautifully between us in every other area that these things just seem silly. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

[Domini]

Hmm... he sounds forgetful, but that's not a problem. Men are "simple creatures" - or so they keep telling me! - and need to be reminded, and told and told and told... If a little prompting succeeds in encouraging him to act a little more considerately towards you, then excellent!

[daisy215]

Okay this is just my opinion, but I think it's very inconsiderate of your boyfriend to never thank you! Especially since you've told him how much it bothers you that he never says "thank you" when you do things for him. My theory is if he can't say "thanks" now for small things like car rides places then his inconsiderateness (I don't even know if this is a word) will only get worse as time goes on.

Also consider the fact that he is just using you for what you can do for him (driving him around since he doesn't have a car).

He seems sort of selffish and remember people don't change and if they do it usually doesn't happen easily.

Good Luck!

[whatfor]

but when you ask them something over and over they call you a pain! And also keep reminding can work the other way around - like it works for me - if someone tells me to do something, and more than once, it turns me off and i dont feel like doing it.

Dont think its really impossible to teach a grown up man

[Kaia]

Does he apologize the next time you remind him when he forgets? I agree that some men are "simple creatures". My ex used to keep forgetting some etiquettes that are very obvious to me. I had to keep reminding him but after a few times he would show that he's truly sorry that he forgets and really tries to be better the next time. I think that's the difference between inconsiderate and forgetful.

[Hope75]

Maybe next time you plan a road trip, before you go you sit down together and write out the expenses and agree to split them. Since he doesn't have a car he prob. doesn't realize how costly they are.

 

I don't think he is malicious, just dopey and inconsiderate. Keep reminding him that "thankyou" is a nice gesture and that it isn't implied.

 

Don't be afraid to tell him when you guys share a trip or outing together how much money you will need from him, and keep on top of it! Your building resentment could create more of a problem than his forgetfulness.

[misery12]

I know what you're talking about.

In my relatoinship, saying thank you is not a problem.. but sometimes things are going so well in some areas that I don't want to ruin it by bringing up something not very important. I guess when it comes to this, you have to compare the two, and see if getting your feelings out in the open are more important at the moment, then tell him, but if you know you can get by without... then I wouldn't stress it too much.