The awful truth of being the "other woman"...

[JCSK]

Absolutely agree with everyone - it's totally wrong to have an affair with a married person - I don't think anyone can argue to the contrary. But the OP's title suggests that she has learnt her lesson and has posted this as kind of a warning to others not to fall into this trap and to highlight the fact that affairs nearly always equal disaster. Not everything is always so black and white though and everyone is different so I don't think we can just swipe everyone that engages is some kind of illicit relationship with the notion that they have all entered into it for exactly the same reasons, especially considering the quantity that seem to do so. Some people can be very naive and are easily manipulated for a whole host of personal reasons. I think sometimes the best way to guide someone back on to the right path is to reserve judgement and avoid the somewhat generic, 'serves you right' response' which doesn't assist in them achieving a successful and reflective recovery process. I feel sorry for anyone that is so easily fooled. I just hope the OP learns from her mistakes (which I'm sure she has) and can maybe even help deter others who might be considering heading down this slippery road.

[JCSK]

Self-delusion plays a roll in so many relationships, no matter the legitimacy, with mixed results. If only we all had the skills to recognize it and avoid it.

 

Totally agree with this Journeynow. I think this pretty much sums up this whole sorry mess.

[suzanna80]

Thank you. I needed to read that.

[JCSK]

I do hope things are looking up for you OP and that you are starting to heal from this.

[nessa8222]

I don't mean to be harsh, but if you really believed your relationship with him could ever be healthy, you were lying to yourself. You both cheated and engaged in adultery. You cannot have a healthy relationship that starts on such dishonest terms. I'm sure his message was hurtful, but it may have actually been the most honest thing he's said your entire relationship. People involved in affairs almost always paint their spouse out to be the bad guy/girl. If they were honest about their role in the mess their marriage is in, they'd also have to accept responsibility to fix it. He may have been infatuated with you and may have thought he loved You, but it was an escape from real life and real problems for you both. You can be hurt, angry and upset that it turned out this way, but I hope you realize it was doomed from the start. And, men rarely leave their wife for another women. Start being more honest with yourself.