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About suzanna80

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  1. For clarity, I didn't just didn't start blabbing about my past relationship issues...I only shared when directly asked. Normally, after you have spent time with someone you usually start to ask questions as you get more comfortable with each other. I am 9 months post divorce and 6 moths post affair partner. NO...I did not sleep with my new friend and no I have not suffocated him nor have I latched on in anyway. I do, however, feel that I overshared about a difficult time in my life and I would not have otherwise if I thought he was not going to be part of my life in someway. We ha
  2. I'm recently divorced after leaving my husband for my affair partner. Before you stop reading or keep rolling your eyes.. I have already been down and continue to be down the road of shame, hurt and ongoing sorrow, sadness and begging for forgiveness from those that I hurt..so this post is not about that... I have worked hard to heal and have had to take a long look at myself after being dumped by someone I loved so very much. Affairs do not work out, for anyone, ever. Needless to say, when you are a home wrecker, it doesn't bode well for keeping friends or even family for that matter.
  3. What I am suffering is far worse than stoning. As I continue to grieve over the loss of someone I loved, I'm also grieving the loss of my life as a whole. I've lost my family, my job, my home and now I have changed towns. I walked into my church after word had spread and had to leave due to the stares, the whispers, the glares. Not a single person..not one..asked me how I was. Everyone avoided me. These are people I have known my whole life. I've been there for them. I've baby sat their kids. I've taught them ballet. I've picked my fellow friends up from bars, domestic disputes, driv
  4. I know, right? Sheesh. Be proud. I did not respond. Boy, do I want to. No I am not. Though I do have a few choice words...
  5. Don't do it. Here is a copy and pasted excerpt from an email I received from "my" married man. The one I left my husband for. The one that told me he loved me no matter what. Perhaps, I can heal and help someone else. Obviously, I have gaps to fill in but lets start with the ending first, shall we? THIS IS HOW AFFAIRS END. For bonus, I will later post the email from his wife that I actually received first. I had to omit some text as to be careful not to overshare. As I read it over and over , at first I could not believe it was his words. I cannot tell you how I have felt. I am
  6. Ouch. Yes, reading most of these hurts to read but I guess sometimes the truth hurts. But is any of this really the truth? I said that I promised if I get through this as a whole person, I would post to help others once I figure it all out. I want to make a few things clear. One, I NEVER, EVER would ever consider leaving my children for any reason, ever. They are the true light of my life, and I work as hard as I do to give them the opportunities that I can in life. I struggle as they are getting older and aren't as willing to go for a walk with me or ride our horses like they once
  7. In November, I posted a thread about my infidelity situation in which I were at fault. If you want to catch up, you may want to read it. It was posted around the end of November and if you are struggling with infidelity, then you may I have been through emotional hell with my choices. Each and every day that I blocked Bruce's number, social media accounts, everything the stronger I became. My endless thoughts of him became less frequent and with the strength of my husband, I began to heal. We almost became normal. Then I came home, and my husband was gone. He left after Christmas. H
  8. ...yesterday, Bruce did come in about an hour after his wife did. I was with a sales rep so I didn't have to interact with him at all. It was like seeing a ghost. I say this so that the pattern that so many of you predicted is just that...a scripted pattern. So, I could tell that Bruce looked very annoyed and upset that I didn't walk over (re: puppy dog eyes). Funny thing is that I didn't dwell on it the rest of the day which is a good sign, I think. I'm not going to say that it wasn't a set back, but in some twisted it way its like I had the final say somehow and that has brought a sens
  9. So, just to keep this insanity going...guess what happened? I had my first lure this morning....or not lure. I don't know. After weeks and weeks of no contact, I get a message at work asking if I had 2 dozen of an item in stock for gifts. I did not know who the message was from, it was just filling an order only it is a big order for this expensive item. So, I gather it up....and HIS WIFE comes in to pick it up. She asks for me, introduces herself and then asked if Bruce had been by to pick up the order yet. I told her no, was very polite, she took the items and said that Bruce would
  10. I don't know why I personally could not keep my integrity and stop it like you did. You did the right thing, as you know. I feel sorry for that woman as she is going to have a long road ahead of her. I can't wait for the point I don't think of him to come. It can't get here soon enough. As for lying to my husband, yes..I did. It haunts me every day and night and though he knows the truth now, regaining that trust is going to take a long time (if ever)...
  11. As I continue to work through this emotions, I am at the very least learning a lot about myself. I didn't initially find the counseling helpful; however, once I got past the "There is no reason for me to be here..." stance, I found the few sessions helpful and not as judgmental as maybe I did at first. So, to pass along what I have learned is that there is no way anyone can help me until I fully CHOOSE to "shut the door, lock it, throw away the key and never walk past the door again but if I find myself at the door, not to even think of knocking and if I do think of knocking, to call for hel
  12. Well, to shed light as we work through this I did find out something sad (or a mixed blessing) with Bruce in that his wife was a few months pregnant and that he was expected to marry her. My husband actually knew this or had heard it before so he felt the need to share with me. I know that this isn't the 1950's, but it does shed some light on that maybe he never really has been happy or, if he is/was, that it may not have been under the ideal circumstances. As far as my husband and I, I feel like we can work through this but I wasn't really understanding what you all were saying in th
  13. I realized that real grief does not come with anger and resentment, nor is love so unkind so I guess I'm happy to say that I'm not really grieving nor am I in love. After a long weekend of solid rest, IV fluid and a couple of Hallmark movies, I think that it is quite possible that I have been chemically imbalanced. I AM feeling better and I'm surprised at how much better. I know that I have a lot to work through and i'm being patient with my husband as he asks me questions. I'm answering all of them as honestly as I can but sometimes, I don't have the answer. I have the feeling that
  14. I did decide confiding in a friend was not a idea and thank you for confirming that would not have played out well. As far as therapy, I admit that I need it for myself but that is very difficult to do here as everyone knows each other and I would have to literally drive at least an hour or two and that is not feasible for me at this time. I did tell my husband what I did and I let him read the text. Of course, he is upset but he seriously is more concerned that I am just simply crazy and he still thinks all of it is Bruce's fault. He is so hurt and angry but he's also being patient and f
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