Just trying to live my life...

[greenie35]

can I get a little sunshine PLEASE!!!

 

It seems like ever since I moved far away from my hometown to attend school it has been one downer after another. First my boyfriend and I split up after 2.5 years. We just Could not get a long. So I started a waitressing job when I first moved here that was a complete waste of time. The owner promised I'd be making good money, but I barely made enough to fill my gas tank at the end of the night. I'm a good waitress, there just wasn't a good turnover there. So I find a new job at a factory of all places. The air is dry, it's loud and the pay sucks. The only good part is the attractive guy I work with that keeps playing games with me. I'm single and willing, but I don't like getting screwed around like this. So I go out with a lady from work. She is old enough to be my mother, but she is a lot of fun. I hook up with a good looking guy one night when we were out. It was fun...for what it was worth, but one night my ex's friends were at the bar and witnessed what appeared to be sleazy behaviour. I can only imagine what they were thinking, it was not my intention to play it out that way, the guy was all over me and I tried to keep things cool. Still, almost 9 months after I've moved here, I have no friends and I am sitting home alone on a Friday night...I'm so very lonely. I have tried making friends, calling up people I've met from class or a couple people I have met down here, and they don't return my calls, or they are busy. Am I really that big of a loser. I have never had a hard time making friends. I feel as though I am just idle...school has become less of a priority for me. I feel no connection to 90 per cent of the student population. I am older then most college students. I don't know what to do anymore. My self worth is really draining. I keep thinking that tonight I'll go to Wal Mart and check out the cute stock boy that works the graveyard shift. Just for kicks. Yeah that's what I call fun these days. I have never felt so completely alone in my whole entire life and I am losing the will to go on. I need to pray more.

[DragonGirl724]

first of all 25 is not too old for college...do you take day or night classes? if you take day classes try switching to a night schedule...there arent so many teeny bopper 18 yr olds in those PM classes.

 

and im sorry you feel this way but dont lose hope yet! i know how much waitressing can suck at some places. i do it myself. what state are you from? try going to link removed they always have job postings there. or link removed. or for a pretty much guaranteed steady flow of customers try working at a ChiChi's or a fun upbeat crowded bar & serve drinks. or maybe work at a high-end classy expensive restaurant. youll do less work but make big tips. type up an awesome resume & show off your people skills....knock 'em dead!

 

and as for your exs friends...all i got to say is SCREW THEM! sleazy behavior huh...yea, well, not until they have halos hovering over their heads do they hold the right to cast the first stone! so dont let ANYTHING they say or do get to you.

 

and dont settle for good-for-now eye candy either. girl youre worth more than that. take your time. im sorry you suffered a broken heart but it happens to the best of us so dont let it bring you down.

 

in your spare time look up volunteer organizations or clubs in or around your neighborhood & meet nice people that share a common interest. join a gym or kick boxing class. start feeling better about yourself. pity parties are no fun...especially when youre the only one attending it. hehehe.

 

things will start looking up hun. TRUST ME! ive been through more BS in my lifetime than a lot of people i know have. & it all seems to happen one right after the other. but your day will come & it will be a glorious one! i promise you that.

 

 

The Poem Footprints in the Sand

by Mary Stevenson

 

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was

walking along the beach with the Lord. accross the

sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he

noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one

belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When

the last scene of his life flashed before him, he

looked back at the footprints in the sand. He

noticed that many times along the path of his life

there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed

that it happened at the very lowest and saddest

times in his life. This really bothered him and he

questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that

once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all

the way. But I have noticed that during the most

troublesome times in my life, there is only one set

of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed

you most you would leave me." The Lord replied,

"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would

never leave you. During your times of trial and

suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it

was then that I Carried You."

 

-DG724

[koeka]

Pray is good.

 

Sunshine:

 

[WEB] Luke 11:9 "I tell you, keep asking, and it will be given you. Keep seeking, and you (P) will find. Keep knocking, and it will be opened to you.

 

[WEB] Jeremiah 29:13 You shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart.

 

James1: 2 -7

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you (P) fall into various temptations,

3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4 Let endurance have its perfect work, that you (P) may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him.

6 But let him ask in faith, without any doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed.

7 For let that man not think that he will receive anything from the Lord.

-----------

Do you believe this?

I do. I also suffer but I know, it's going away very soon.

I Hope and pray that you may also receive true happiness.

[greenie35]

Thank you for your replies. I am quite shifty lately. One minute I am grateful for this solitude. It has helped me discover new things about myself. I have also been exercising regularly for a month now. I have lost a few pounds and have noticed my muscles toning up. I will slack some days if I'm feeling emotional or just tired from work and school. Some days, like today, I look in the mirror and see an ugly old hag whose skin is wrinkling and sagging(smoker) who's got an ample bottom who's not enough this and too much of that...certainly not interesting or worthy of anyones time or energy...etc..etc..Then two days later it's like I'm walking on a cloud and everyone I meet smiles at me and interactions are positive and productive...butterflies practically land on the tip of my nose. Can you say bi-polar? I'm starting to wonder. I don't really think it is though...It might be one of those quarter life crisis I keep hearing about. I dunno...I think I'm pretty and smart and funny and all that jazz. I just don't know why things are the way they are or me right now, and it's showing no signs of changing.

[DN]

I agree with Dragongirl about finding new activities: you meet new people, learn new thinhs and interests and all of a sudden feel better about yourself.

[DragonGirl724]

you are NOT bipolar! BiPolar disorder is like the new term people throw around for when theyre feel emo. Bi Polar disorder is VERY serious & can be live altering. i have a friend who is bi polar & had to spend 6 months or so in a mental institution. and will have to be on meds for pretty much the remainder of her life. theres so much more to bi polar disorder than feeling 'moody' from time to time. so dont even think about that for another minute!

 

the way people react to you is based on how you percieve yourself onto others. so get your mind out of this rut & start feeling good about yourself again. sometimes it seems like its easier to feel sorry for yourself than it is to actually go out there & improve yourself. you got the gym thing going on for now & thats great but people need to realize this:

 

its NOT: if people start to notice me ill get confidence & feel better about myself....what it IS or WHAT IT SHOULD BE is: if i feel confident & feel better about myself THEN people will start to notice me.

 

dont get it backwards.

 

being pretty is only skin deep & is how other people may percieve you...but being a beautiful person goes WAY deeper & is based on how you view YOURSELF.

 

-DG724