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Starting to see the light


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It's coming up 9 weeks now and I think today has been the first day when I can say that I believe I will eventually get over this.

 

I know there's still a way to go and I've had a few sad spells today but they've not been unbearable or unmanageable.

 

I had quite a few moments today where I just enjoyed little things and stayed distracted and then thought to myself oh I wasn't thinking about him there, not even in the back of my mind.

 

My appetite is coming back and I've ate a little more than what I have been eating since this started so that's positive.

 

I've made plans over the next couple weeks and I'm actually looking forward to them rather than just feeling like it's something I should be doing.

 

I just hope this is the start of getting better and I continue like this with the sad moments and memories bothering me less and less.

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Yes, you're definitely sounding better! Congratulations, you've made it through the worst part. Just stay vigilant. I actually had more thoughts about contacting my ex once I started feeling better. Stick to what you've been doing and you're sure to heal fully.

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Good to hear! Those moments are so critical—they're the rewards for doing the real work, the sitting with discomfort, which you've been doing like a champ. You've built a new muscle, one that can hold the sad moments AND the happy, rewarding ones. That is real growth.

 

After my breakup 8 months ago I literally could not sit still. I got on a motorcycle and rode all day. I flew to the other side of the world. I mean, it was all over the map, literally and figuratively. Sitting still was like sitting on a burner—too much discomfort. And then came a kind of revelatory day where I just wanted to order in some food and watch TV and it didn't feel like some big deal. It was just...delivery and a movie. It was calm. And that day became another, then a week, then months.

 

Anyhow, just a little hug from the digital ether here. You've been very brave in being so vulnerable on here. I'm happy to hear you're seeing the light, feeling the sun.

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Thanks.

 

Although this morning for terrible and I spent about 3 hours crying and felt like I was back to week one.

 

I did however force myself to get showered and go out and feel a bit more positive again.

 

I guess these setbacks are always going to happen for however long.

 

The memories of everything seemed to be really strong today and just hard to push push out my mind.

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My teeny suggestion to you is to stop using the word "setback." You are eating, sleeping, breathing, living—moving forward every day. They are just feelings, hard ones, uncomfortable ones. Feel them, acknowledge them, then do something else. It's not a race, not linear. Just a process.

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Thanks.

 

Although this morning for terrible and I spent about 3 hours crying and felt like I was back to week one.

 

I did however force myself to get showered and go out and feel a bit more positive again.

 

I guess these setbacks are always going to happen for however long.

 

The memories of everything seemed to be really strong today and just hard to push push out my mind.

 

As backwards as it may seem, I learned to welcome the tears.

I imagined it as things that were stored up inside that needed to spill out and purge.

The more you do it, the further along you get.

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