cant come to an agreement / having kids

[natural82]

Hi everyone,

 

just a short introduction : me and my BF were talking about marriage and building a family. He is 34 and i am 35 years old, i have a teenage daughter aged 15.

Honestly i had not planned to have more kids but in order to make it work i did consider it. I have been in and out of depression for many many years and i was only able to consider it depending a lot on his help and support, since i know i wouldnt want to be a single mother, again.

Also we both have management positions, so he works a lot and gets off at late hours.

Now he recently told me that one kid would not be enough and he would need more ... he will not settle for less.

Looking at my situation, honestly i know i cant do it. And i have told him this several times. I would have to lose my job or work less, and i would have to deal with mostly everything myself while hes working to be able to support his family. I really do not want to feed him a fantasy which i know i cannot handle.

What bothers me is that he wont meet me halfway and is not understanding to my situation. He wants what he wants.

And also on top of that, what if i cant even get pregnant? He would then leave me and eventually find someone else.

I really do love him but i guess i need some type of confirmation that i am not doing the wrong thing? Is there anything else i couldve done or said ?

Because im just ready to end this and let him find the happiness with someone else since i am not capable to give it to him.

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

[Andrina]

When your life goals are different in major ways like this, yes, it won't work out. Best to leave now.

[Keyman]

If two people want different things, but they are able to compromise and make it work, then you have a relationship. But if you both want different things, and one party is too stubborn to compromise, or refuses to allow any but his own way, then they are incompatible.

 

Based on your post, I would not be having children with this man.

[Johnny Utah]

Hi everyone,

 

just a short introduction : me and my BF were talking about marriage and building a family. He is 34 and i am 35 years old, i have a teenage daughter aged 15.

Honestly i had not planned to have more kids but in order to make it work i did consider it. I have been in and out of depression for many many years and i was only able to consider it depending a lot on his help and support, since i know i wouldnt want to be a single mother, again.

Also we both have management positions, so he works a lot and gets off at late hours.

Now he recently told me that one kid would not be enough and he would need more ... he will not settle for less.

Looking at my situation, honestly i know i cant do it. And i have told him this several times. I would have to lose my job or work less, and i would have to deal with mostly everything myself while hes working to be able to support his family. I really do not want to feed him a fantasy which i know i cannot handle.

What bothers me is that he wont meet me halfway and is not understanding to my situation. He wants what he wants.

And also on top of that, what if i cant even get pregnant? He would then leave me and eventually find someone else.

I really do love him but i guess i need some type of confirmation that i am not doing the wrong thing? Is there anything else i couldve done or said ?

Because im just ready to end this and let him find the happiness with someone else since i am not capable to give it to him.

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

 

OP, I am really sorry to hear. You already have a family. I don't know how long you've been together or spoken about this. Your paths have diverged and it is your body and family too. Just the fact that you'd even consider a second child when you are unsure, is a testament to your love and commitment to this relationship.

 

He is making demands.

 

It is over unfortunately. When he draws the line, he divides the both of you. Save yourself more pain. Even if you gave him one child and had trouble with another due to health reasons, he may just leave you for his need to have more kids.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long have you been dating? Do you live together? How involved is your daughter's father with her in terms of support and visitation? Do you have family nearby? Who cares for her when you are at work? It's good you've been honest with him that you don't want/can't imagine more kids. He has the right to have his own children. Sadly it's best you part ways. Do you think he's making this increased demand recently in order to find a way to end things?

he recently told me that one kid would not be enough and he would need more ... he will not settle for less.

What bothers me is that he wont meet me halfway and is not understanding to my situation. He wants what he wants.

[Lester]

Now he recently told me that one kid would not be enough and he would need more ... he will not settle for less.

 

You don't normally find such edicts in a genuinely loving relationship.