Usually women with boyfriends are the ones who flirt with me?

[Thanos]

They’ll seem to be throwing themselves at me to the point that even other people notice and will say “dude, she’s really into you”, or “you two have a lot of sexual tension”. Since other people notice it, I’m obviously not imagining it all.

 

They’ll even want me to do stuff like cuddle with them and hold hands, and spend time with them one-on-one and get dinner and drinks (which sounds a lot like a date). I’ll be feeling pretty good about myself, and think I’ve met a cool girl, but when I make a move it comes out that “sorry, I have a boyfriend”.

 

What gives? It’s frustrating that a lot of times, the girls who it feels like I click with (and make an effort to get noticed) turn out to have boyfriends already. The problem with the pattern is it just makes me swing between hope and frustration, instead of giving me any feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment.

[Snny]

.... well that’s because you’re Thanos. :)

 

Username checks out

[DanZee]

Well, there's a couple of things going on here. First of all, they might not actually have boyfriends. They're just saying that because they just want to have a good time, but they don't want the entanglement of a relationship. It's possible they want to stay in that honeymoon zone where everything is happy and there are no fights or arguments and the attention is all about them. And if they can get free dinner and drinks, life can't get any better. On the other hand, they actually might have boyfriends, but they're not getting the attention and emotion from them that they want. So they go out seeking it from other men, but they stop short from having sex with you, so technically, they're not cheating on their boyfriends.

 

In either case, you're being used as just a fun date or a free dinner. You might want to rethink going to singles bars and other places where you meet girls and try to rely on people at work or friends of friends who are actually looking for a boyfriend.

[Pleasedonot5]

That sucks, my dude. I've been there, and maybe a lot of us have. Maybe you're looking in the wrong place? It's possible the people who are very social, personable, etc. are those with whom you click, and they are in relationships already because of those characteristics. It's difficult to find someone who 1) is personable, pretty, sociable, etc., 2) is single and 3) is not rebounding. That's why a good relationship is so rare and is worth hanging onto these days.

[katrina1980]

So what's to be learned from this?

 

DO NOT buy a woman dinner or cuddle or anything else romantic, until you know she is single and available.

 

Yes there are women who will "use" a guy just to be wined and dined, with no intention of anything more.

 

Don't be that guy.

[Pleasedonot5]

So what's to be learned from this?

 

DO NOT buy a woman dinner or cuddle or anything else romantic, until you know she is single and available.

 

Yes there are women who will "use" a guy just to be wined and dined, with no intention of anything more.

 

Don't be that guy.

This is very sound advice, OP.