4 kids and trying to date?

[abitbroken]

I agree. And your right. Sometimes I wonder what she is going to have to deal with. A lot of guys just wanna get in a girls pants regardless of children. Then when they get tired of the day to day struggles kids being upon a relationship they bounce.

 

I’m currently 8hrs from my kids. Made a decision. When my company gets bought out I’m moving to a city 1.30 hours away to be closer to them.

 

Currently NC . Strictly email. I’m at a point where I need to do what’s best for ME and my kids.

Fu** the whole family unit, fairy tail bs I had in my mind growing up. I was young and super irresponsible. The relationship with my kids Mom is important, in a sense that I want it to remain open and positive. Reconciliation? I’m taking it day by day. Doing NC and strictly email over issues related to the kids. She sends me pictures of them and throws in one of her. I’m not buying it anymore. The past couple days I’ve gotten pictures through email of the kids. That’s great. I replied “thank you for sending pics of the kids!!” That was it. I’m nobody’s safety net or second choice

 

Got an email that kids need shoes and she needs $100 for food and gas . Boom. Sent $150 and bought shoes from finish line for the kids. On top of $350 in summer cloths for this month alone.

 

What I’m saying is I’m strictly Co parenting rather than being stuck on this whole idea of reconciliation. I’m over that. Does it hurt day to day. Yes very bad, but from what I can gather it gets easier . At least that’s what I’m hoping for.

 

Yes text and call could go on all year and it wouldn’t mean jack. We are not on the same page. She doesn’t want to be together, I DO. So I have to do what’s best for ME AND THE KIDS to get over my feelings and co parent. It’s hard to give up on her and being together, YES, will it hurt when she finds someone new, YES very much. But it’s gonna happen regardless of anything I do or say so I might as well just prepare and do what I can so when that day comes it won’t be SO bad.

 

Does that make sense. Am I taking a more mature and grown way to handle this thing or does everyone still think I’m immature and need to grow up?

 

How is living 3 hours away from your children the best thing for them? So she is dating other guys and your kids see that, and you are not there to take them over to your house for the night, to show up at their kindergarten graduation or their little play. To the kids, sending money to mom for things they need doesn't register with them - having you there with them does. Even if you don't live in the same house -- having daddy pick them up from school sometimes or going to spend the day with him, etc.

 

Fu** the whole family unit, fairy tail bs I had in my mind growing up.

 

That's not even a fair statement. because you don't have the family unit together because of your choices doesn't mean that families don't exist intact. Relationships take work. And many people have them, but at this point, you are separated from your girlfriend? ex-wife? I am guessing girlfriend? and now you need to put the kids first, and that means going to be near them to coparent them. You are not coparenting by simply sending money. And is there any formal visitation agreement? not just on her whim but something in writing legally?

[Red88]

Also I bought the kids shoes online and sent a Walmart gift card for food/gas( I’m not dumb I don’t send cash I’m not on CS and I took pictures). I already got her stocked up on diapers.

[abitbroken]

Also I bought the kids shoes online and sent a Walmart gift card for food/gas( I’m not dumb I don’t send cash I’m not on CS and I took pictures). I already got her stocked up on diapers.

 

But do you actually see the kids regularly? Are you helping raise them? Walmart gift cards don't mean squat for kids -- having both parents present in their lives does

[Red88]

I’m currently “8” hours away from them.

 

And yes I made a choice to move to a city that’s 1 hour and a half. Not 8. So in my mind, that’s a step forward.

 

My kids and there mom live in a very small town. Nothing really available to me that meets my potential as far as my skill set.

 

MAYBE one day I’ll move to the same small town they live in . Idk. Trust me, the city I’m moving to is a college town. A city where I hope my kids go to college one day in. I’ll be provided much more opportunity for growth and advancement in my career.

 

What’s wrong with being a hour and a half away. Me and there Mom could meet halfway. No big deal. And for dance and school functions?? I’ll drive there.

 

Am I really such a bad guy for moving and hour and a half away??

[Red88]

Do all politically correct dads, in your opinion, live right down the street?? And if they don’t they’re inadequate fathers?

 

And how is me being an hour and a half away not “being in there lives”?

 

And yes ex gf. Why would you assume that ? Curious

 

Nothing formal, nothing in legal writing. She is super cool when it comes to all that.

[abitbroken]

Do all politically correct dads, in your opinion, live right down the street?? And if they don’t they’re inadequate fathers?

 

No. But dads who have small kids and want to establish a lasting relationship with them live down the street or drive to see them frequently. If you are not doing that, your ex is a single mom vs you are coparenting the kids together. If your kids were older - and you lived with them for those formative years and then you break up with mom take a job elsewhere but visit them often - it is not a situation where the kids have no recollection when they are older and looking back of you being around. How does she take care of 4 kids by herself with you 8 hours away and not there to take the oldest to their activities while she takes care of the littler ones or lending a hand in raising your kids?

[figureitout23]

No. But dads who have small kids and want to establish a lasting relationship with them live down the street or drive to see them frequently. If you are not doing that, your ex is a single mom vs you are coparenting the kids together. If your kids were older - and you lived with them for those formative years and then you break up with mom take a job elsewhere but visit them often - it is not a situation where the kids have no recollection when they are older and looking back of you being around. How does she take care of 4 kids by herself with you 8 hours away and not there to take the oldest to their activities while she takes care of the littler ones or lending a hand in raising your kids?

 

He's doing what he can do broken.

 

His ex girlfriend chose to end the relationship.

 

He is now days out trying to figure out how everything will work

 

Cut him some slack.

 

So many men out there don't even bother trying. Let him try before you tell him it's not good enough.

[Red88]

Thank you. I am days out of deleting the reconciliation idea out of my mind and taking steps towards healing myself and moving forward with my kids as the focal point.

 

The relationship itself has been over for a few months now (3 months I believe).

 

I went to bed last feeling like a worthless dad. Like I’m putting all on her which isn’t fair. The whole situation sucks. I wish this was all just a bad dream.

 

Hope everyone has a good day :)