How long before you reach the stage of indifference ?

[Pelotte]

Hey :)

 

 

I really can see myself progressing since the BU. The memories are less vivid and much less painful, I take a step back with each day passing and I can imagine my life without him. I am much better off without him after all

 

However, even if I am very busy with my life, I still think about him every hour... I am not indifferent yet and im really looking forward to the day where, if I have to look at him, I dont feel anything towards him. Is it even achievable ? How long did it take you to get there ?

 

Thank you !

[Dominique]

Every person is different. Typically once you totally accept the relationship is over and have no regrets, indifference comes.

This depends on the person. I've seen people reach that point in a week and some it takes years. I think it depends on how much you still love and used to love the person. Also how much your lives were intertwined. The more emotion there is, the more habits and lifestyle changes that have to occur... The longer it takes.

Changing your life and not being exposed to the person helps but the indifference comes from the inside. Once your emotions aren't tied to the person you can let go.

 

I've had it happen in days because I wasn't that attached. But for someone I truly loved, it took much longer. (Years). I was able to get on with my life sooner than "years"....but the feeling of indifference took a lot of time.

[Herderp]

At some point you start to notice the carelessness gets more than the care you have for the situation.

[smJackson]

Everyone is different and nobody can tell you for certain. You will heal at your own pace and that takes time. Nobody, not even you can put a definite timetable on that. It could take 6 weeks, it could take 6 months. It depends on your level of attachment to him, the circumstances of the breakup, the length of time you were together, and other factors.

 

For me, I was very deeply in love with my former partner, at first. He was my first and last thought of the day. He was my best friend. He was my world. This is the mistake that I made. I felt this way about him, but he didn't reciprocate these feelings. He had grown angry, bitter and resentful and treated me accordingly. I ignored that for quite sometime, until his abuse escalated and I could no longer ignore it. So what had helped me move on and heal faster was Acceptance. Accepting that he would never forgive me,(He never tried, he just used my mistakes as leverage to manipulate and abuse me btw)He would never see me any good in me, there would never be any growth, never be a future for us because he was too focused on living in the past...... Life is too short and we only have one life to live. I'm growing and becoming a better person, and with him constantly throwing the past up in my face, he was stunting my growth and holding me back from becoming a better, positive person. He was bitter and miserable and he was making me miserable. So he had to go. I have no regrets.

 

You are in the best position now because you have the rest of your life ahead of you to learn from this relationship and make yourself better and wiser because of it. The next person that you get into a relationship with will truly win a prize with you as a partner. You may never become "totally" indifferent. I had a special bond with my ex and I believe I will always care for him and what we shared at one time, but I'm no longer IN love with him. I don't want to be his friend or know how he's doing. And I don't want him knowing what I'm doing. Maybe that's my indifference.

 

So don't put too much pressure on yourself about wanting to be over your ex as soon as possible. It will come. I assume that this isnt the first person youve had feelings for, and he wont be the last. Just take life one day at a time. Keep your time and your mind occupied as much as possible.

[Lambert]

i can relate!

 

i just keep going and hoping... that's my advice. think pleasant thoughts about yourself and see a happy future.

 

it will come.... idk when! i think an additional part that we also have to work through is, how much we attached to the potential of the relationship. seeing a future with my ex, its the part that i feel bad about.... feeling like maybe that won't happen for me again. which, even as i write this, i recognize it as, in general, ridiculous.

 

there are a lot of people on this planet.

[DeepPurple88]

It's hard to really tell, at first, if your indifference is true...or if you just THINK you're indifferent. I've been NC with an opposite sex platonic friend for about 4 months now. I thought I was over it (had some emotional feelings for her, which is why NC), but just yesterday, up popped a facebook notification with her name on it. I immediately spiraled into that f'd up mental frenzy and took a few steps backward in regards to getting over it all, felt that butterfly feeling, became anxious and ended up thinking about our old relationship for the rest of the night and getting depressed about it. So just be careful and stick to your guns - it might take a while. You're doing the right thing, and I think you're being exceptionally mature about it.

[bluecastle]

It takes a LONG time, and you just have to give yourself permission to be wherever you are. I'm 7 months out of a three year relationship. She remains on my mind quite a bit, but the edges to those thoughts have softened. I fully know that I am better off without her, that we shared all the space we were meant to share, and so on. Still, it hurts. I kind of just think of each little jab of pain as two things: a little lesson to unpack and a reminder that what I had was real. It's nothing to be ashamed of, just evidence of my/your humanity.

[sputnik123]

Wow.. I am very close to Bluecastle on this!

[DoneWithU]

I have not found out how long yet. Divorced for three years from a woman who made a mess of my life and continues to do so in family court, It's been three years and shes still in my head every day. I no longer want her back, but I still remember the good times we had and wish it had not turned out the way it did.