Why does so many consider snooping wrong?

[PAdreamer]

someone might have already said this, so I apologize if I'm repeating something. I think, for me, there are two issues I would have. A) why do they feel the need to snoop? Do they seriously not trust me enought o believe I'm being open and honest with them about everything? B) Even when you're married or in a serious relationship, you still want that sense of individuality. You don't want to be defined by the person you're with. I can't really think of anything I would hide from my fiance, but if I WAS keeping something to myself, it would only be because I still need something that's truly MINE.

[Luciana]

Some people are very open about their lives and others are very secretive.

Women usually are more open. I tell my fiance everything (except small unimportant things on my day) and he trusts me because of that.

 

Men are less forthright about things. My fiance doesn't tell me stories about his friends like I do, doesn't gossip, doesn't talk about his family and keeps everything locked up (briefcase, lap top always with him, cell phone always on his hip, passwords).

 

I don't snoop because I think it's wrong. I have never opened any of his mail. But if he started behaving strangely, and I had a gut feeling he could be cheating, I would first ask him about it. I would hate to hire a detective (ultimate snooping?).

 

So it's a controversial issue. I wish he was more open, but he hasn't given me any reasons to suspect infidelity. As for all the things he doens't tell me, there is nothing I can do. Maybe he keeps these things from me thinking I will be judgemental. Example, if his buddy tells him he is cheating on his GF.

 

Anyhow, snooping could be justified if you need to protect yourself.

Once you snoop and find something you don't like, how are you going to broach the subject. He will hate that you snooped.

 

Years ago I had a problem in my computer and my BF said he was going to reformat it for me. Doing so, he backed up all my AOL files in his computer. He had access to my emails. I was devastated, because there were thoughts I had shared with friends that I did not want him to read. So the feeling of violation was big. He was probably searching for signs of other men, he felt insecure. I forgave him.

 

With my fiance, even if I wanted to snoop I wouldn't be able to. He covers his a**!

[someguy69]

If you're going to snoop... you have to be prepared for the consequences.

 

You may find something you wish you hadn't.

[gimmeegoodlove]

Right! Generally you are expecting to find something that is why you are snooping.

[annie24]

You know - this is interesting. I just got back from class. Each week, a different student gives a talk, and we anonymously critique them. I turned my head to look at the clock, and the girl sitting next to me immediately covered her paper. It's not just me - everyone does this. Last week, I saw some guy looking at what I was writing, and I covered it too.

 

Now, we're writing about the speaker, not the person sitting next to us, but still, people don't like to have their thoughts and opinions read by people who are snooping. For me, I don't think it's anyone else's business to see what comments I am giving the speaker.

 

I don't like thinking that they are judging me by the comments that I am writing about the speaker.

 

So, I don't know - these are just natural human instincts. Some things are just supposed to be private.

[PAdreamer]

It also depends on your definition of snooping. I think asking valid questions is a great thing in any relationship. There needs to be a certain level of trust. So yes, if my fiance started acting strangely I would ask him about it. I would be encouraging instead of pointing a finger. If he still didn't answer me, I'd grow concerned, yes. But I would never resort to sneaking around, asking his friends questions or monitoring his online activities or anything like that. I would figure that eventually the truth WILL come out, and if it's something bad, I will handle it when I know. But until then my goal is to show him that I place my trust and my life in his hands.

[gimmeegoodlove]

Yeah, not everyone has that control. I guess if you have been through a lot in relationship dealing with trust it is almost like you want the upper hand or at least you don't want to look like a fool. I guess it just depends on the situation, the people involved, and if someone is truly being hurt.

[Julia Kennedy]

Here is a perspective. I just snooped on my boyfriend for the sake of snooping. I love him and know he wouldn't cheat. BUT. I DID invade his PERSONAL SPACE of which I would want myself. This DOES SAY that I am the untrustworthy one, no matter how committed I am to him.

 

Here's the thing. I (tomorrow and days to follow) will probably have to face losing him.

 

This is a fact and lesson of life.

 

And so--------

 

Just.....

 

DO NOT MAKE MY MISTAKE AND TELL YOURSELF IT IS "questionable" or ambiguous... It is simply morally wrong without good reason to do such a thing. Period.

[mhowe]

I mean yes everyone has their right to privacy but if you don't have anything to hide what is the problem.

 

I understand how strongly people feel about this but just don't understand the big deal. Again, if I have something to hide then yes I would have a problem with it but nothing to hide no problem.

 

Because --- everyone has their right to privacy.

And your opinion is your opinion -- but not universally shared.

[Capricorn3]

Thread is 8 years old and the OP has not returned for over 6 years. Closed.