Did I Screw-Up by Telling My Ex That I'm Interested in Getting Back Together?

[sr283]

I basically told my ex-girlfriend (who broke up with me) that I want to get back together at some point and I'm really regretting it. My plan was to tell her when we meet up in person (we have a vacation as friends coming up, we were long distance) but now she knows how I feel and I'm scared that it changes things.

 

She told me that she wants to be friends for now and that she isn't ready for another relationship nor is she ready for long distance again. Although she can see us acting loved up in person. I also told her that I've been working on myself and that I have no expectation of getting back together, I just wanted to make my feelings clear.

 

I'm coming to terms that we're never getting back together but I still want to do everything in my power to give me the best chance of getting her back

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are spending a lot of money to take a friend on vacation. Just cancel it. You really don't have to waste all that money on her, hotels, food etc., just to be friendzoned. Is she paying her half?

She told me that she wants to be friends for now and that she isn't ready for another relationship nor is she ready for long distance again.

[sr283]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are spending a lot of money to take a friend on vacation. Just cancel it. You really don't have to waste all that money on her, hotels, food etc., just to be friendzoned. Is she paying her half?

No but accommodation wasn't too expensive. To be honest, things ended messy last time we were in person so I'm actually looking forward to spending a few days in New York with her because we get on so well and I'd like to patch things up. It seems like she hasn't made a complete decision yet and if I was to cancel. we'd probably never see each other again and I'm not sure if I'd want that, we had good times travelling together.

 

Do you think I was wrong to tell her how I felt though? Should I have left it to see how things developed?

[Wiseman2]

Well you told her and she responded that it's a friends only situation, so at least you were honestly forewarned that it's no sex, no reconciliation.. It seems you are both ok with that for this reason:

we had good times travelling together.

[MissCanuck]

No but accommodation wasn't too expensive. To be honest, things ended messy last time we were in person so I'm actually looking forward to spending a few days in New York with her because we get on so well and I'd like to patch things up. It seems like she hasn't made a complete decision yet and if I was to cancel. we'd probably never see each other again and I'm not sure if I'd want that, we had good times travelling together.

 

Do you think I was wrong to tell her how I felt though? Should I have left it to see how things developed?

 

No, because ultimately, it doesn't change the outcome.

 

You were going into this vacation with the goal of reconciliation. She wasn't. You spelling it out for her didn't ruin anything, because she wasn't looking to get back together to begin with. And now you know that.

 

As most of us said in your other thread (https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549730) this holiday is very unlikely to yield the results you're hoping for. I would not proceed with it.

[sr283]

Well you told her and she responded that it's a friends only situation, so at least you were honestly forewarned that it's no sex, no reconciliation.. It seems you are both ok with that for this reason:

She said she believes that we'll hook up but she doesn't want it to lead me on

[MissCanuck]

She said she believes that we'll hook up but she doesn't want it to lead me on

 

And would you be okay with that?

 

I think you're going to find this a lot harder than you expect. She is going to turn around and fly away again, and then what?

[sr283]

And would you be okay with that?

 

I think you're going to find this a lot harder than you expect. She is going to turn around and fly away again, and then what?

I'd rather that then not hooking up.

 

Then I'm going to have to continue with putting this in the past. As hard as it may be. At least I'll be able to have some closure with this person and say we ended on a high.

 

I know things will be great in person, maybe she'll want to give it another chance in future. That would never happen if I made no effort to see her and patch things up

[MissCanuck]

Proceed with extreme caution, OP.

 

I think you are vastly under-estimating how risky this entire plan is. Go ahead if you insist, but treat that goodbye at the airport (or wherever) as the final goodbye.

 

What if she goes back to silent periods, or you find out she's met someone new?

[Wiseman2]

So the deal is you pay for the trip and she agrees to sex? That's fine if that's what you both agree on. bring condoms she's not only having sex with you, as you have seen from her photos with other guys in her bed.

I'd rather that then not hooking up.

[1tym]

I know I haven't been here long but I think sometimes wiseman2 and could dish out some good advice.