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Talking to each other


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So the communication in my relationship isn’t the best. We talk just fine when we are together, but when we arnt and there isn’t an immediate thing to talk about it all kinda falls apart. I would like to say it’s my fault, but idk. I try really hard to come up with things to talk about, but she just doesn’t really respond.

I prefer to ft her and talk over ft cause it’s easier to get a response that way, but she tells me she doesn’t like it because we don’t really talk. It seems to me that I’m the one pulling the weight in this regard. I’m just not sure how to talk to her in a deeper way. I’ve tried looking up deep conversation starters, but she never really gives me great answers I can respond to with them.

She says she feels further away from me when we ft. How can I change this? I want to communicate with her better and maybe it’s me who is bad at it, but

what do I say that’s different? How can I spark a real conversation? We don’t fight a lot and there’s not many problems between us, but idk what I can do. The only problem I see is our communication. How can we make this better?

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The answer would be to do it like in the old days and take her out on dates a couple of times a week where you can be with her. She doesn't want to talk over video and she doesn't want to text. So go out and be with her instead of trying to make her converse over the Internet.


The next thing would be what are you fighting about? If you're fighting over talking over the Internet, then just stop doing it. The reason for your arguments would probably tell you the reason your relationship is rocky. So just take the girl out a lot.

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A good tip is if someone doesn't like FT/video chatting, don't do it. You are forcing your preferences on her. Why can't you date, go out and do activities together and talk more in person, if you want a deeper connection? You don't build bonds through videochatting, in fact it's cold, distant, awkward and shallow. You build bonds through shared experiences and activities and building memories.

I prefer to ft her but she tells me she doesn’t like it

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I loathe FT and Skype, unless it's to catch up with my family and best friend who live overseas, whom I only see in person once a year. Listen to her when she tells you she doesn't want to do this and don't try to force it on her. I can't stand FT with people I already see regularly. It's overkill and I don't like having to be glued to a camera if I'm trying to do other things or just walk around the house while I chat on the phone.


Some people just don't love phone chats and prefer real, in-person communication. What type of deep conversations are you wanting to have on the phone that she isn't responding to?

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  • 1 month later...

Hi, I am new to this forum and just reading some comments. I just want to add here that some people do not express themselves verbally as freely and frequently as others. It does not mean that these people lack depth of feeling, but perhaps to them, words are just not as meaningful as a way to communicate. Some people prefer to show their personality through shared quality time together and demonstrations of who they are - for example, maybe she can communicate to you the type of person she is by showing you her patience, kindness to others, creativity or ambition in her projects and work, her loyalty to others whom she cares for... etc. Look at her actions as clues to her personality and you may find ways to understand her better than if she had told you in words what she was thinking or feeling. As Wiseman2 suggested, relationships are built through shared experiences. It seems that the two of you may have slightly different interpersonal styles. You like to talk, and you seem to gain reassurance from the words of others. But she may not put as much weight into words. Understand that many people, often times from experiences in the past, learn to find that words are often empty. Many people do not trust words to be accurate ways to communicate. After all, there are lots of phony liars out there who are all talk, but lack self-awareness. Instead of texting her when you are thinking about her while she is away, try something else as an experiment. Try doing something nice for her or getting her a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive. Get her a package of her favorite snacks, or pick up her mail for her... or send her a description of an upcoming concert or event that you think she'd like.... any wordless gesture that shows you were thinking of her when you were not together.


Eventually you may find that you will have to ask her to open up to you in words more often because that is important to you. Knowing how important it is to you to hear your partner open up in her own words, this is valuable self-knowledge, and if she cares about you that will be something she'll make an effort to do. But you also have to show that you will make an effort to communicate to her the way that is meaningful to her, too.


Wow, that was wordy of me...how appropriate, LOL.

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