Is he still attracted to me?

[Amypond77]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year. Prior to him moving in we had a very passionate, fulfilling sex life. Since he has moved in we don’t have sex as frequently. There have been several times when I thought he wanted to have sex but then by the time we get to bed he is either too tired or has had too much to drink. Tonight was odd. We had been playful all evening and so I was excited that we might have sex but when we started snuggling in bed he told me I needed my sleep. I am so hurt and angry and at a loss. I have talked to him in the past about how it seems like my sexual needs do not seem to matter to him and that it’s not on his radar that I may sometimes need “alone time” when he rejects me. So after he fell asleep tonight I left the room and snuggled up on the couch. A little while later he came out to check on me and asked why I was out here. I told him I was just having some me time. He did kiss me and tell me he loved me and then went back to bed.

 

Through all of these times when he has rejected me I do talk to him about how it makes me feel. I have asked him if he is still attracted to me. He said yes one of those times. The other times he has not said yes but steered the conversation in a different direction.

 

I have never once rejected him sexually the whole time we’ve been together so him rejecting me can’t be a payback kind of thing.

 

I feel very sad and broken. I really don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore and despite the fact that I love him with my whole heart, I don’t think my self esteem can survive many more rejections.

[DanZee]

Well, I'm just guessing here, but when some guys do something like this it means that they may be having physical problems in getting it up, if you know what I mean. They're embarrassed about it and they try to make excuses. The reasons are several. He may be masturbating on his own too much and he's afraid he can't get it up for you or that you'll notice if he doesn't come. He may be having personal problems or something is bothering him, such as if he's afraid he's hurting you or you're not enjoying it. He could be cheating, but I think you could suspect that. Or maybe he is too drunk or tired to do it. Is he out of shape?

 

You also haven't said if you ever initiate sex. Have you tried necking with him, or playing with him when you're watching TV? Have you suggested going to bed or making a date for sex with him? Have you tried flirting with him or talking dirty to him? It takes two to tango. You don't have to wait for him to make the first move. A lot of guys complain to other guys their girlfriends never seem to want sex because they never say anything. Don't make that mistake. And you can also try sitting down and asking if there's something wrong if he turns you down. Maybe you guys need to make a set appointment, like Sunday and Wednesday nights or Saturday mornings.

 

Don't go jumping to conclusions that he doesn't love you anymore or the relationship is over. Sometimes you have to take into consideration the other person in this. Hopefully, you'll be able to work it out and get over the rough patch in your relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you've identified the problems. Living together and getting in a rut. And getting to bed too late and his drinking. This is not about you or attraction, it's about his drinking and now that you let him move in, he's just coasting along.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year. Prior to him moving in we had a very passionate, fulfilling sex life. Since he has moved in we don’t have sex as frequently. he is either too tired or has had too much to drink.