2 months on, still confused

[tmp041418]

Hi! Im going to (try) and keep this brief.

 

2 months ago my ex (23M) broke up with me (28F) after 1.5 years together.

 

He has Pure O and Depression, I have Gad and Depression so you can imagine our relationship wasn't the easiest.

 

I was very rarely a priority as he was starting up his own business but I supported him fully as he had this dream before he met me and I wasn't about to stand in the way of that.

 

He openly admits that I was patient and kind with him and that with his OCD I made him feel human, I studied a lot regarding it, as I wanted to understand.

 

Fast forward to 5 months in and I got really sick, stage O stomach cancer.

 

We worked through it the best we could and he was devastated at the thought of losing me.

 

He worked 7 days a week and including his studio time, meant he was very busy, so he supported me the best he could I guess.

 

It was a rough few months as I was still working and attending chemo, he got mad that I wouldn't let him cone hospital, which I undetstand but I didnt want him to see me like that and I felt guilty that he had to look after me as well as all the other stuff.

 

Our relationship was still loving and intense and we only argued when I had been at hospital therefore was cranky and he was stressed from work.

 

We had a beautiful xmas and he wrote in my card about how we always come back from the bad stuff and he loved me and was here for me blah blah.

 

Fast forward to the 17th Jan. We had a row and something switched in him, he became really depressed about everything in life but he saud he really wanted us to work.

 

For the next week he was quite cold and stand offish and on Friday 26th he came over to mine with all his stuff to stay but was still really distant. I very gently asked him to talk to me and he proceeded to break up with me.

 

He was sobbing and kept saying he just didnt know how he felt about me and he couldnt keep going not knowing etc the whole i love you but am not in love basucally.

 

I remained calm and patient. I asked him if he was IN love with me in December and he said yes. So it had all changed in those two weeks.

 

He left aftrr two hours, sobbing. I felt numb.

 

We didnt go no contact tbh and it was terrible. For the first 6 weeks he would be really sad when we spoke and cry and say he doesnt know if he made the right decision but he has to stick to it.

 

I never begged because I was still being treated for the cancer and I needed to leave myself some dignity.

 

Ive been up and down for two months now and Im still trying to wrap my head around what happened.

 

He seems more settled and happy and when I mentioned this (not in the accusatory way) he said not everything is as it seems abd hes still quite unhappy in himself and he does muss me incredibly at times.

 

Unfortunatly my feelings for him hadnt changed so you can imagine its pretty crap.

 

Ive tried to stay off SM. not always sucessful but not stalker level ha.

 

He hasnt really initiated contact with me, he did sonetimes. But hes never ignored me or been unkind and when we bump into each other (he works next to my flat. Dammit) he is always interested in my life and how Im doind etc. He always wants to hug when we part.

 

Im not reading into anything he does too much because I can't have a y stupid false hope.

 

Tbh I just want to move on at this point but Im getting a lot of anxiety and sadness as if late and I miss him terribly.

 

Sorry for tbe rambley long post.

 

I dont know if anyone who has been in a similar situation (break up with no nastness or cheating and a lot of residual care and love from both sides)

 

Any opinions on wth happened and how I can help mysrlf would be appreciated (Im already doing the standard keeping busy stuff, between hospital appointments and work I have no choice haha)

 

Thanks guys

[Hollyj]

What is Pure O and GAD?

 

I'm sorry, for what everything you had to go through, and the treatment you had to tolerate.

 

To move on, you must go NC. If yo see him on the street, wave and move on. No convo.

 

This was an unhealthy relationship, and it sounds like you were walking on eggs shells. You have enough to deal with.

 

In the future, it may be best to seek someone who is not dealing with those issues.

[tmp041418]

Hi,

 

Thank you for replying!

 

Pure O is ocd that manifests entirely in intrusive thoughts and ruminations and gad stands for general anxiety disorder.

 

I haven't spoken to him in 5 days though he sent me a message yesterday, I haven't read it.

 

Its hard because he was the only person I saw a lot of during my illness and now he is gone I don't really have anyone to reach out to.

 

Weekends are the worst because at least during the week I have work haha.

 

Thanks again!

[Hollyj]

I know. It is a big gap.

 

Are you well enough to get out and do things socially? I think that it time to expand your social circle. You should NEVER depend on one person for support.

 

Have you attended any cancer support groups. If you are strong enough you need to get out and involved in activities: volunteering Meet ups, classes clubs (knitting, reading, cooking etc...) time to make friends and keep busy.

 

You are only prolonging the inevitable. time for NC

[smackie9]

That's the one thing about mental illness/disorders is the lack of coping skills. It's tougher to deal with stresses/tragedy. What you can do is find a counselor to help you deal with everything. Since you are going through cancer treatments, there should be free counseling being offered. Not sure what your insurance covers/ or what a clinic can offer. You are going through a real tough time, and it would be beneficial to have a therapist take the load off.