I need a Plan of Action

[CybereXtremer]

Recently my gf decided she needed time to figure things out with her life. So, out of the blue she just stops contacting me for now reason. Leaving me in limbo of not knowing where our relationship stands. I have had limited contact for the past month. I have been using NC for most of that time period to give her space. I was hoping to meet her in person to discuss our situation. The only time I can contact her is when she is at work.

 

I don't think I should discuss our relationship in an email or over the phone while she is at work. I still have stuff at her place, but she hasn't made any effort to return it. Now, one of my friends is asking about some tools I borrowed from him to do some work at my gf house.

 

So, I ask, should I send an email or phone asking for my friends tool or all my stuff. Should I push for a face to face meeting? How should I approach this situation? Thanks in advance for any opinions.

[Beec]

You should not talk about your relationship, that's for sure.

 

She is bcking off because of how she feels. If you want her, then you need to work on how she feels.

 

She should think that her not being there does not bother you too much. You need to have some independence from her, and if you are talking about the relationship, then you are telling her it really does matter.

[DN]

Send an e-mail saying you need the stuff and why and asking what is the most convenient way to get it back.

 

Don't talk about the relationship.

[CybereXtremer]

So it would be better to send an email and ask for all my stuff back or just the stuff I need.

[Beec]

Well, I would go for just the stuff I needed.

 

Having some stuff there would allow you to have an excuse to see here again. When you do, just be friendly and upbeat. No talking relationship.

[CybereXtremer]

If you need more background into the matter read my post in the Ex forum section. Also, just before she stopped communicating with me she gave me a set of keys to her place. Go figure?

[RayKay]

If you need more background into the matter read my post in the Ex forum section. Also, just before she stopped communicating with me she gave me a set of keys to her place. Go figure?

 

Well that part is definitely a bit peculiar! I know I don't give keys to someone I don't want to come over unannounced....hmmmm. Did she indicate why she gave them to you at all? Was this right before she asked for a break, or right afterwards?

 

As for the tools/stuff, I would send her either an email or leave a message for her telling her that your friend needs those tools back, and if she can either leave them on the front porch or if you can drop by and get them, that would be great. Whether she agrees or not will depend on how nasty the breakup was, and her mood to be honest...she may be willing to in order to see you, or might for some reason be resistant. Getting the "stuff" back can often be tricky.

 

I am going to actually go read your other post and see if I can get some more information on the breakup.

[CybereXtremer]

I sent an email today asking for the tool and if she would like to schedule some time to meet. I didn't ask for my other stuff. I will now wait and see what her response is. Will she want to meet? I think she will. The more intriguing issue will be if she just wants to return the tool or if she wants to return all my stuff. I will keep everyone posted.

[CybereXtremer]

I sent her an email on Wednesday afternoon and she replied on Thursday morning. I have listed my email and her replay below. Now, she has never said we are breaking up or made that clear, but she did say she needed time in her note. So, review her email and let me know what your interpretation is. I am not going to give you my opinion because I want an unbiased opinion.

 

My email:

 

H,

 

Good afternoon H! Hope everything is going

well. How did your class go last week? Was it what

you expected? I know you were very excited to teach

it.

 

Anyway, would you check and see if my TV cable

terminator tool is at your house? It was in a plastic

ziploc bag with some terminators and a cable cutter.

The tools actually belong to a friend and he

needs them for a cabling job. Let me know if you find

them.

 

Take Care

J

 

P.S. - If you get a chance and want to meet over lunch

let me know.

 

Her Reply:

 

J - Things are okay, but I'm more stressed than ever (guess you know by

now, this is a problem for me). Honestly, in sum, my "nerves" are very

bad, contributing to my moodiness, and as a result, I continue to

struggle with personal life issues. I'm in counseling and hope that it

will be helpful. I know things will be better when I finish teaching

this course since it has added a ton of work to my plate and consumes a

significant portion of my time. I really enjoy teaching, though. I

also have some medical problems right now which cause me discomfort and additional stress (possibly organ damage from accident they're now

finding), and I've been very sick since Thursday and can't seem to

catch up.

 

I teach again tonight, am unprepared, and have no energy. Sorry

for complaining...you don't need to hear this! I guess I'm sharing

because I know you care, and because I want you to understand that I am sorry that I haven't been in contact and have no intention to neglect

our friendship which is very important to me, but have been more

overwhelmed than usual. I would like to catch up over lunch sometime,

just don't know when it will work until I get through the semester (end

of June). I spend lunch working.

 

Glad to hear things are going well for you - ball is going okay,

shoulder is causing no pain, bathroom done, etc. Hope things continue

to go well for you!!!!!

 

Will return the tools as soon as I locate them (I'm sure I've seen

them).

 

Take care of you!

H

 

I am interested in hearing everyones opinion on what she had to say in her note.

 

Thanks

Cyber