Sacrifices?

[S080418]

Okay so I’m engaged and when we first started dating I used to go out dancing every weekend with my cousin. As we got more serious I stopped because he didn’t like it. However, he rides a motorcycle. At first I was okay with it until he got hit by a car last year, was hospitalized and ended up having to get surgery. He said he was done riding which I was okay with considering what happened. Just recently he started riding again which really upsets me. About two weeks ago I finally told him how I felt about it. I heard him talking today saying he’s going out riding on Wednesday. I’m not sure what to do. I’m just really hurt because he knows how I feel about it and I’ve literally never asked him for anything and I do whatever he wants. It’s really upsetting.

[thealchemist]

I don't see how dancing and riding are similar...

 

Was dancing dangerious and that is why he didn't want you to? It just sounds controlling.

 

Riding a motorcycle is dangerous.

 

I have driven a motorcycle since I was 4 yo. I am 30 now. I have also been in a few wrecks, although never once my fault.

 

My wife however would never even have brought up it until we had children.

 

After our first child she asked me to stop so I did and sold my bike, and that cleared our medical expenses, so win-win.

 

When our kids graduate from high school I will buy another bike and ride again.

 

How long have you been together?

 

I dont actually think it is fair to ask him to stop though, unless kids are involved.

 

But asking you to stop dancing is even more ridiculous so...

[itsallgrand]

What were his objections to you going dancing? Is there a way you can still go dancing that he would be ok with?

Similarly for him, what are your objections to him riding? Is there a way he could still ride in circumstances that you would be ok with?

I'd be more inclined to try and find a way neither of you has to give up your passions. Maybe change some circumstances of how you do them, but why do you have to give them up?

 

I'm not a fan of the term sacrifice in a relationship. Compromise, yes. But sacrifice, no. Sometimes we may give up something for the benefit of someone else, but don't do it if you are going to resent it nor if you expect something in return or that you are owed in some way. Also save it for something where it's really going to make a huge difference in someone's life.

[DanZee]

Yeah, I don't think you can compare you giving up dancing with you asking your cousin to stop riding his motorcycle. I'm guessing he just wasn't good at dancing and he thought he looked foolish on the dance floor and that's why he didn't want to do it anymore. It's not the same.

 

I will admit that motorcycle riding is probably more dangerous than driving a car, but there's also a chance of getting in a car accident. Would you ask him to stop driving a car just to please you? Or flying in an airplane? Or crossing the street?

 

Why don't you go riding with your cousin? A lot of couples go motorbike riding. It might be a way of getting over your fear.