Boyfriends mother has passed away..

[gjw]

In the beginning of November my boyfriends mother committed suicide. He was away at work at the time of her doing so and had to come back knowing what had happened.. the funeral has passed, as has her birthday on December 4th (which he hadn't told me about) and Christmas, and new year, and it's now coming up to mother's Day.. he'll be away at work during this day but I don't know whether to bring the subject up.. I'll be at home in our home town where his nain lives (he is very close with his nain) and I'm not sure whether I should offer to go and see his nain, take her flowers or something in such a time where he's in able to.. and also if I suggest taking flowers or some sort of mothers day gesture for his mum.. there's not only this day but days to come, such as the anniversary of her death, or her next birthday, I'm not sure on how to handle these occasions without crossing a line and without coming across as inconsiderate.. I could really use some advice, he's quite happy to not talk about anything ever unless I bring it up, so I don't want to push any boundaries especially at such a sensitive time..

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Very difficult time for your bf. Let him decide what to do with his grandmother and other family members and in his mother's memory. Just be supportive, do not make him talk about it. That is the worst thing people do at a time like this.

In the beginning of November my boyfriends mother committed suicide.he's quite happy to not talk about anything ever unless I bring it up, so I don't want to push any boundaries especially at such a sensitive time..

[abitbroken]

Unless you do not live in the USA, it is NOT coming up on Mother's day. Mother's day is two months off yet. Don't throw salt in the wound by "bringing it up".

[MissCanuck]

Unless you do not live in the USA, it is NOT coming up on Mother's day. Mother's day is two months off yet. Don't throw salt in the wound by "bringing it up".

 

It is Mother's Day in some countries this coming Sunday, March 11.

 

But I agree with the general advice given thus far, OP - don't bring it up if he doesn't do so first. That is a sign he's not ready to talk about it yet. Be available and supportive if he reaches out on the occasion, but I would not advise initiating that conversation.

[gjw]

That's right it's mother's day here in the UK on the 11th. Thank you all for your advice, I'm just concerned that he bottles things in but as you've said he'll speak when he's ready.. thank you again.

[JCSK]

My partner's father died very suddenly whilst on holiday last September and was been up and down and all over the place, but did not want to talk, about that or anything else. He was moody (he can be anyway but this was way worse) and I literally didn't know what to do. I am usually very good in these situations but I felt at a loss. I made a few mistakes like that, trying to get him to talk etc. But I looked up a load of advice online for helping your partner though a bereavement and I followed the advice. I read one piece of information that listed all the things to not try and do and I felt so bad as I swear I'd tried them all! On top of this your poor bf will no doubt be harboring guilt and also a sense that he wasn't enough to stick around for and that must really hurt. You need to support him not by talking to him about this but by being positive, patient, encouraging him to do some nice things with you, keeping the household going and loving him and making him feel that he is everything in the world to you. My friend was in the same situation not long before me with her husband's father passing suddenly and her advice was to just keep loving him, no matter what.

[gjw]

Thank you for your advice, it's so true when people say don't try and force anyone to speak if they're not ready. But as mother's day approached he did mention it, we were mid conversation over the phone when he asked 'is it mother's day today?' I told him it was, and offered to take flowers to his nain for him since he wasn't able to, he was really grateful that I had offered and took me up on the offer! I got a lovely bunch and visited his nain so it was just us two for the first time.. we spent a while talking about her daughter, my boyfriends mother, I learnt some things I didn't know and she told me some funny stories of when he was a young boy! I'm glad I offered but also glad I wasn't the one to bring it up, think this just goes to show that if they want to talk about it they will mention it.. thank you everyone!