Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 So to begin this, me and this girl natalie met. The relationship started out great and was absolutely fantastic. After awhile though she seems to change a little but and she started to make me miserable but I held through it. Turns out she was pregnant with my child. We kept on being together for some time until I couldn't take it anymore and I need it despite knowing the hardships that would come with this decision. So we decided to be friends and remain parents but after a few weeks I admitted that I did want to give it a second try despite me being the one that ended it. Well she doesn't seem to want to try as much at all and it worries me. On top of that, I finally buried some skeletons from my closet that have been holding me back emotionally and I now feel myself gaining much stronger feelings for her now despite our complicated situation. I'm also worried that she is hooking up with a guy and it makes me miserable. I honestly don't know what do now. Please help Link to comment
DanZee Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Well, you're a bit short on details. How was she making you miserable and what skeletons did you have in your closet? Plus you have to figure something out soon, because you're going to have to pay child support and be responsible for this child for the next 18+ years! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 She's pregnant and you think she's hooking up with another guy? You sure that baby is yours? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 As far as making me miserable. Her attitude back quite negative. As well as her being just completely ride and disrespectful as well as inconsiderate. I don't know where to came from but it was awful. As far as the Skeletons in my closet....i lost my father and the girl I wanted to marry in one week about 3 years ago. Ever since I have emotionally shut myself down and haven't been able to share with anyone much. I finally buried the hatchet about 4 weeks ago. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 We already agreed to no child support and joint custody. So I'm safe in that area. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 We already agreed to no child support and joint custody. So I'm safe in that area. The Royal "we!" Did you get that agreement in writing? Does she make enough to support her child without your help? Are you sure you're the father? If she's hooking up with another guy, how can you be sure? Are you going to have a maternity test done once the baby is born? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Answers in order of the questions: Yes No 90 percent sure Maternity test will be done when baby is born Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Answers in order of the questions: Yes So, that means that she doesn't know what she's doing if she doesn't make enough to support a baby without your help but would agree to forego child support payments. No so how is she going to financially manage? If she is on social assistance then you don't get a say about not paying child support and social services may have your wages garnished. (least that's how it works in Canada) 90 percent sure well, I'm glad you're bright enough to not say 100% sure when she's hooking up with another guy (who does that knowing who they're doing is pregnant? Gah!) Maternity test will be done when baby is bornSmart decision. I really hope you can move on and not have to be weighed down to a fickle/immature woman due to an unplanned pregnancy. Learn from this and play safe in the future. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 As far as assistance is going for her, she is turning to alot of government programs although I don't completely approve. For me, I am balancing three jobs along with school ( finishing my education degree). Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 And the whole hooking up situation is complicated. The reason for such suspicion is due to her previous "relationships" That she has had. Of course some of them bring revealed after having "forgotten" about them when a situation had arrived. Because of this my trust in her isn't 100 percent especially since a friend of hers named Alex seems to be around a little bit more than usual as in just popped in from nowhere. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 But I presume you want to support your child and don't want your child to be dependent on "government programs". Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 But I presume you want to support your child and don't want your child to be dependent on "government programs". You assume correctly. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 You assume correctly. Then why the agreement to not pay child support? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Because we will be supporting the child together. An example is that we will be sharing the items and money needed for the child but will somewhat independent of each other. Basically what it means parents together in a halfway relationship but still not together. It was the best that I could get out of her. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 It is a very complicated situation and we are still trying to work through the details of it all. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 It is a very complicated situation and we are still trying to work through the details of it all. I think you'd do well to see a lawyer. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 We already agreed to no child support and joint custody. So I'm safe in that area. Well, first you wrote the above, And you also wrote this: "As far as assistance is going for her, she is turning to alot of government programs although I don't completely approve. For me, I am balancing three jobs along with school ( finishing my education degree)." now you're saying this: Because we will be supporting the child together. An example is that we will be sharing the items and money needed for the child but will somewhat independent of each other. Basically what it means parents together in a halfway relationship but still not together. It was the best that I could get out of her. But why does that mean you won't have a child support agreement? Not an "order" but an agreement? You agree to pay X amount and she agrees to pay X amount, you will have X amount of time with the child, she will have X amount...it just saves a lot of headaches down the road. For example, you two may be amicable currently, but what happens if she meets a guy and he doesn't like you being around so they decide you can't see the child anymore? You'd have to take her to court to have your rights set up because legally you wouldn't have any. Also, is she planning to put your name on the birth certificate? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 It is a very complicated situation and we are still trying to work through the details of it all. Well you better get it in writing because 18 years is a long time Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 Botlrun, I think you are right about the child support agreement idea. I do think that would be the best path and I do think it will be slowly going towards that but we are hitting some obstacles. As far as the birth certificate, my name will be put on there as soon as I am confirmed to be the father. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 We already agreed to no child support and joint custody. So I'm safe in that area. Don't be so sure of that. A verbal agreement doesn't hold water, and the courts look at is as if you're capable of fathering a child, you're capable of supporting the child. That money is for an innocent child who had/has no say in the matter. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Then what would all of you advise me to do? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 See an attorney about setting up a custody and child support agreement pending confirmation from a paternity test. Let her review it and add her comments and then have the attorney submit a final version to the court clerk. BTW, I used a paralegal to do this instead of an attorney and it was considerably cheaper. That's another option. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 And any advice to help repair our relationship? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 And any advice to help repair our relationship? Couples counseling and if she won't go with you then start the process of distancing yourself emotionally. Would you still want to be with her if the baby isn't yours? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Hopefully it wouldn't come to that scenario. But if it wasn't, I don't think I can be with her knowing she may have lied to me. Link to comment
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