Breadcrumbs?

[LoveFound]

My ex broke up with me Valentine's day. It was brutal.

 

Just a background, he's 17 years my junior. I'm 41 and he's 24. He was head over heels with me until his mom found out. He's a momma's boy.

 

I didn't plan this, the attraction was so strong initially and the connection too. When he broke it off 2 weeks ago, he said he doesnt feel the same way, I was so hurt and I told him it's really cruel. I feel like he weaned himself off of me until he can completely let me go. But after that I never initiated contact and didn't chase.

 

He messages me every 3 days saying it hurts him that I hate him when I used to love him, some messages saying he misses me and emotional messages. I reply only with one liners and always say I respect his decision and I wish him well.

 

There are days when I want him back, there days when I've come to accept it. I'm not sure if he's sending messages to alleviate his guilt, to wean off of me, to get an ego boost....

 

I want him back but I don't want it to come from me...does he really miss me or is it just his mechanism in trying to move on.

 

Initially he was insisting to be friends and but I said I don't want to and was very firm about it.

 

He still keeps texting, I gave him a chance by responding to his text but he is not addressing the issues, he is just talking about missing and not mentioning repair, reconciliation.

 

I'm inclined to completely ignoring him since the one liner texts I send him(not emotional) can't seem to drive my point of...it's either he's all in or i walk away.

 

I'm confused. Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Hollyj]

I suggest you block and delete this guy.

 

There is no future with "momma'a boy."

[LoveFound]

Thank you. 😳

[Nano]

Honestly he doesn’t seem like he truly wants you back or at all, but he’s selfish and can’t deal with the new void he’s feeling so he’s playing with you to get his fill but that’s all he’s going after with those texts, they’re just childish like him. He feels so great that he can be so awful and you still entertain him, know what I mean!? Like oh after all THIS and she still replies!? Oh I’ve got her good.

 

I can tell you he’ll keep that up until he finds a new girl that will humor him and boost his ego, and then you won’t hear from him again. Right now you’re his stairs to getting to that. Make him fall and pull it from under him.

 

It’s bad enough he’s way too young for anything serious with someone much older, but being a momma’s boy at that? You had no chance so don’t feel bad, it’s about his shortcomings, not yours. He can’t give you what you need.

[Jeffbobo]

I think you did and said the right things in response to him but I also think that at this point, you should just block and delete him. That would be the mature and compassionate thing for HIM to do other than torturing you by stringing you along. A man will be all in or all out and not play these BS games with you.

[LoveFound]

Wow!! Thank you for this. Made a screenshot! Emotions blurred my judgement.

 

I feel terrible for even responding to him. Now I know I really shouldn't.

 

I miss the early parts of our relationship. I think that's what I'm strugglin with. I have to see him for who he is NOW.

[LoveFound]

Thank you. I'm a smart girl and can give good advice to other people. I don't have a smart heart though. I will take this advice and completely cut him off.

[Nano]

Wow!! Thank you for this. Made a screenshot! Emotions blurred my judgement.

 

I feel terrible for even responding to him. Now I know I really shouldn't.

 

 

I miss the early parts of our relationship. I think that's what I'm strugglin with. I have to see him for who he is NOW.

 

You seem like a super sweet and smart woman and you deserve more than that. Emotions cloud our judgements, I can offer good advice to others but not me.

 

They’re all so great in the start cause they want to be that person they’re pretending to be, I don’t think he was fooling you or anything, it’s just that he wasn’t that kind of strong man and he knew that.

[Jeffbobo]

Thank you. I'm a smart girl and can give good advice to other people. I don't have a smart heart though. I will take this advice and completely cut him off.

 

I'm sure you are smart. It's the heart that blinds or clouds our judgement sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself, we've all been there.

[LoveFound]

Thank you. Teary eyed now hehe...i really appreciate it.

 

Time to think about my well-being.

[Pleasedonot5]

I agree with Holly. Think you've done everything right so far. Probably time to cut him off. Wouldn't work anyways.

[LoveFound]

Thank you!! I'm glad I never initiated contact and I am so glad I didn't beg.

 

 

 

 

I'm sure you are smart. It's the heart that blinds or clouds our judgement sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself, we've all been there.

[LoveFound]

Thanks!! It's an awful feeling whenever I get a message from him telling me how hurt he is being hated by someone who used to love him. It makes me feel terrible.

 

 

I agree with Holly. Think you've done everything right so far. Probably time to cut him off. Wouldn't work anyways.

[Pleasedonot5]

Response: "I don't hate you, but I'm either all in or all out. It's your choice, and that's it. Until you decide, I ask that you do not contact me so that I can get over you. Thank you."

[LoveFound]

Copied and pasted. I'm so glad there are forums like this. I really appreciate all your inputs.

 

 

Response: "I don't hate you, but I'm either all in or all out. It's your choice, and that's it. Until you decide, I ask that you do not contact me so that I can get over you. Thank you."

[Jeffbobo]

Thanks!! It's an awful feeling whenever I get a message from him telling me how hurt he is being hated by someone who used to love him. It makes me feel terrible.

 

Please don't feed into this. This is just his way of taking the guilt off of him and placing it on you. It's nothing more than easing his own guilt. Selfish...

[LoveFound]

I see that now. 😳 He knows I'm super nice and he's playin these mind games with me. I have to respect myself more.

 

Please don't feed into this. This is just his way of taking the guilt off of him and placing it on you. It's nothing more than easing is own guilt. Selfish...

[Pleasedonot5]

Glad to help! You're very welcome.

[RayRay63]

If he texts you back after Pleasedonot's suggested response, with a non answer, and you still can't bring yourself to block him, ask him "What is it you want from me?"

 

I'm guessing any response won't be anything you are interested in, at which point you can text him one word - "No" - and block him.

[LoveFound]

Thank you. I'll think about that. I'm actually thinking also of not telling him at all. Just disappear without any explanation. I don't think he deserves a warning or an explanation. Maybe just disappearing would have greater impact? Like a rug was pulled from underneath him.

 

 

If he texts you back after Pleasedonot's suggested response, with a non answer, and you still can't bring yourself to block him, ask him "What is it you want from me?"

 

I'm guessing any response won't be anything you are interested in, at which point you can text him one word - "No" - and block him.

[RayRay63]

Do you want him back? If so disappearing will help, but only if he wants to come back. If you don't, better to get closure by way of Pleasedonot's suggestion, then disappear.

 

No contact is about you, not him, so do what's best for you.

[Jeffbobo]

Thank you. I'll think about that. I'm actually thinking also of not telling him at all. Just disappear without any explanation. I don't think he deserves a warning or an explanation. Maybe just disappearing would have greater impact? Like a rug was pulled from underneath him.

 

Personally, my response would have been, "I wish you the best in life, good luck!" and then close the door and move forward. My response wouldn't be an attempt to make an impact or get a response. You deserve better than someone who plays these BS games with you. Don't settle for scraps.

[LoveFound]

As if now I want him back. My mind says "Enough" but my heart says otherwise. I guess I'm at that point when I'm not sure of what I really want cause to be honest, after everything has been said and done, this man has to move heaven and earth for me to believe him and I don't think he has the balls to do it.

 

I've already scheduled an appointment with a coach too and I'm going to enroll in a gym...I'm working on myself. I am super scared in taking steps cause I don't want to make a mistake.

 

Also maybe after working on myself, I would discover that I don't want him back anymore.

 

 

Do you want him back? If so disappearing will work if anything will. If you don't, better to get closure by way of Pleasedonot's suggestion, then disappear.

 

No contact is about you, not him, so do what's best for you.

[LoveFound]

I told him that the other day...which he didnt listen to. He still kept texting. I should just ignore him I guess. I'm scared that I might get sucked in to his drama again if I respond. 😳

 

 

Personally, my response would have been, "I wish you the best in life, good luck!" and then close the door and move forward. My response wouldn't be an attempt to make an impact or get a response. You deserve better than someone who plays these BS games with you. Don't settle for scraps.

[RayRay63]

Superdave always said "if you do nothing, you won't make a mistake".

 

Do your coaching, hit the gym, cut him off, and if he comes crawling back decide if you want him, and the conditions he needs to accept for that to happen. That should scare him off.

 

There is a better man out there for you.