His girl-friend....

[Gwgw]

I have been with this guy for a little over a month.

When we first met i asked him about his friends and he mentioned this girl. They met 2 months before he met me. They met on match. Went out on a date, didn't work out no attraction and they remained friends.

She now has a boyfriend, but this boyfriend works a lot, and when she is alone bored or has anxiety attacks she would go over to his place sleep over hang out etc.

I found that strange (sleeping over enough, she even had razors and shampoo at his place...) cause like you are not best friends or good friends at all, you barely know each other.

I am from another country and hardly you see girls and guys being friends. or hanging out. So this is different for me for sure (that's why im posting this)

 

I told him that i dont feel comfortable for her to sleep over now that we are together and he said ok thats fine.

But he talked about her a lot. and whenever we would be together she texted too. It started to bother me and i told him.

he stopped talking to me about her completly

 

I did snoop on his phone a little(judge me all you want we all do it), they talk every 2-3 days she says her news and my guy does not say much back but...

We went on a trip together and his parents were texting him and he would open their texts in front of me, but when she did, he would hide his phone. I got pissed off saying that's not right it looks shady and like you are hiding something. He giggled and said ok.

I checked his phone later on, the text was nothing important but it did bother me that he had to avoid the conversation and hide a text from her.

Then i seen that they were planing to meet in the next 2-3 days and he didn't tell me anything (not sure if they did or not-because he could have hid it from me) so i asked him if he is planning to meet her soon and he lied to me and said no.

 

So i want to believe that they are friends but knowing that he is attracted to her and how they met, and that he is shady when it comes to her, makes me believe that there is more to it.

Obviously if they liked each other they would have been together right?

But why lie? Why hide a text? Just to avoid the awkward conversation later on? or did he think she might have sent something inappropriate ?

[DanZee]

Well, you should keep in mind that you've only gone out with him for a month and you don't really know each other that well. He hasn't made a commitment to you yet and he's still friends with this girl. The people of his generation do hang out together in boy-girl groups. And he doesn't have to tell you everything about his life at this stage of the relationship. So all this does make it difficult to know if there's anything going on between them, especially with her sleeping over his place occasionally. But it sounds like she's just using him so she's not alone and depressed which may be why their relationship didn't work out.

 

It's too early for you to be showing signs of jealousy. For now, I would just accept the friendship and don't let it bother you. As your relationship gets more serious, and if this girl is still hanging around him, then you might say something. But at this stage, you're a friend. She's a friend. Accept it at face value for what it is.

[Batya33]

I think men and women can have sleepovers and nothing happens -literally nothing. I think that if you two become exclusive it's inappropriate for him to have her sleep over at his place without you there. Playing with fire. I don't believe she has a serious boyfriend because it's highly unlikely he would be ok with that arrangement. So either it's an open relationship/casual or she is not being honest with her boyfriend and that's looking for trouble.

 

It's fine for him to have private conversations with any friends. It's not ok, if you two are exclusive, that you don't at least have the opportunity to meet her. Maybe suggest a double date with her boyfriend.

[ThatwasThen]

You've known this guy for a month and you're snooping on him and starting threads on a relationship board about him already. What is it going to take for you to just leave him to her? If I was him you would be history the first time you violated my privacy like you have. If I was you, I'd dump him the minute I read he was having pajama parties with a woman he met on Match.

 

Why do you need to discuss this on a message board? Your common sense and your raging gut feelings should be your guide to dump him.

 

... and NO... not everyone snoops. If you have a need to do that then you're with the wrong person, you have major trust issues or you have an over active need to be in control at all times... JMNSHO