Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 This will be kind of long and complicated so please forgive me. I’ve been dating my now ex bf for 7 months. It was a LDR so we didn’t meet that often but we spent so many hours on the phone. He’d always call during very long road trips, shopping, cooking etc. We were so close to each other and had a strong friendship. We went on a vacation together and it was so wonderful. He was so emotional and sweet and gets teary eyed whenever he’d talk to me about his feelings, always kissing my forehead and my hands... hold me while sleeping, carrying me while I was asleep to the bathroom so I can brush my teeth. Washing, brushing and braiding my hair. We just had a connection that I believed was so strong. If I got up to use the bathroom midsleep he’d wake up and pull me to him and kiss me, he was barely even awake. One day during our vacation I told him I loved him after a few drinks and he panicked, he didn’t see it coming. He said he wasn’t there yet which shocked me cause I was SURE he loved me too, and I’m never one of those people who would convince herself that a guy loves her, I had to really feel it. That’s when he said something that broke my heart. He said since our sex got rough (due to his own wishes) he had to numb his feelings for me to do it. That it was too much for him. He said he only felt that emotional to me when we kissed, like he was pouring his soul into me. I was still kinda drunk and hurt and I got mad. I felt betrayed. Rough sex was his idea and now I was being rejected because I gave him what he wanted. I cried and he cried and asked if he can just hold me. He said maybe on another level I do love you.. then hours later said I do love you, just not enough. Enough to get through complications with a LDR and it’s risks. He couldnt stop crying and asked if we can watch tv in bed together one last night. Shortly after he started kissing me and said I want to make it right.. as in to finally make love to me. No rough sex. He said he thought he wanted to be rough with me but he couldn’t and needed to have that emotional sex. We did it and it was so wonderful. I’ve never experienced anything like it. He said it finally felt right once we made love. We both went home the next day and parted ways and we both were bawling our eyes out. I deleted him off everything, but he knew I would. I even changed my phone number. 4 weeks later I emailed him and we emailed a bit back and forth and he seemed so happy to hear from me and was flirting too but I made it seem that I’ve moved on and dating again. A few weeks later I texted him and he asked if we can talk on the phone. We randomly texted back and forth for like 3 weeks and he’d ask to call me once a week. During one of the calls he said he hooked up with a girl drunk at a party and now they’re casually dating. I was gutted. I immediately cried. I felt replaced so fast. It was barely 6 weeks later. He wasn’t even the hookup kind. I asked him is this over for you!? It’s not over for me. And he said “every time I hear your voice I think not really... but then I remember how much I hurt you. I’ve thought about getting back together for so long after returning home, it wasn’t easy for me, I cried once I landed and saw you deleted me.” We left it at that and a week later I called him again and we talked for 4 hours. He was flirting really badly and sexually and asking if he should come visit me, but I don’t know how serious he was cause then he kept talking about that new girl and described the sex they’re having together which really hurt me. After that I was so hurt I stopped getting in touch. That girl is my complete opposite too which made me even more heartbroken. That was 3 weeks ago and I saw that they went skiing this week when I was on Instagram. I deleted it immediately after that. I’m confused on so many levels... he seemed like he loved me, and seemed like he was also thinking about getting back together, and I thought he’s just rebounding since when he asked to visit me while he has been dating her for a few weeks already. I feel so replaced and my heart is hurting so badly. I feel betrayed and confused. What the hell happened!? Can anyone make sense of it? I still can’t. Link to comment
Cope Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Sex is sex, however you choose to have it the feelings do not change. I call BS on that to be honest. I asked him is this over for you!? It’s not over for me. And he said “every time I hear your voice I think not really... but then I remember how much I hurt you. I’ve thought about getting back together for so long after returning home, it wasn’t easy for me, I cried once I landed and saw you deleted me.” It looks like he's blaming you for something that was basically his fault. What happened? He has issues to say the least.I would be thankful I dodged a bullet. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 This guy ran and used all those excuses because you told him you love him. He's not wanting commitment, let him stay gone. Stop making contact with him. It's not up to you to feed this mans ego. That's what his new girlfriend is for. Link to comment
Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Sex is sex, however you choose to have it the feelings do not change. I call BS on that to be honest. It looks like he's blaming you for something that was basically his fault. What happened? He has issues to say the least.I would be thankful I dodged a bullet. You know the funny thing is he said they’re having rough sex together, I was Iike come again!? He said well I learned from OUR mistakes and we’re getting into the rough stuff slowly... he thinks we went too far too fast. But he then said oh I miss our intense hot sex. I have no idea what goes through that space between his ears. He does blame it on me too, that I should have told him if I didn’t like something, and I was like, I’m not the one who had to numb her feelings. I KNOW the difference between bedroom play and love. Link to comment
Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 This guy ran and used all those excuses because you told him you love him. He's not wanting commitment, let him stay gone. Stop making contact with him. It's not up to you to feed this mans ego. That's what his new girlfriend is for. Oh his ego is so fragile. I did sting at it a bit that night when I told him honestly, you didn’t know how to have rough sex the correct way, like the techniques. His new GF already called him sadistic jokingly and he took it hard. Karma. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Sorry girl but he's a nasty , disgusting man to even be discussing his new sex life with you. Who does that? An idiot, that's who. Be rid of him!!! He wanted rough sex, you gave in, he ran off because he doesn't want you in love with him, so he goes and finds a new girl to have sex with. It wasn't anything to do with the sex with you. He didn't want emotional sex with you, because he had no emotional attachment to you. He was just trying to play a game, thats how he keeps you at his mercy. When he gets dumped he might try to come back to you. Refuse him. Get him out of your life forever. Sorry I'm being harsh but geez this man is a real jerk. Editing to add that omg your reply to Cope------I don't like your ex and I don't even know him! I'm highly irritated at that comment he made. Do not let this man do this to you! Got into into too fast, pfffffttttttttt........... What a jerk. Link to comment
Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Sorry girl but he's a nasty , disgusting man to even be discussing his new sex life with you. Who does that? An idiot, that's who. Be rid of him!!! He wanted rough sex, you gave in, he ran off because he doesn't want you in love with him, so he goes and finds a new girl to have sex with. It wasn't anything to do with the sex with you. He didn't want emotional sex with you, because he had no emotional attachment to you. He was just trying to play a game, thats how he keeps you at his mercy. When he gets dumped he might try to come back to you. Refuse him. Get him out of your life forever. Sorry I'm being harsh but geez this man is a real jerk. Editing to add that omg your reply to Cope------I don't like your ex and I don't even know him! I'm highly irritated at that comment he made. Do not let this man do this to you! Got into into too fast, pfffffttttttttt........... What a jerk. You’re right. I think from the shock of everything I was stunned and speechless, like I had no idea what was normal anymore or how to process everything. She’s probably as tall as him and probably heavier than him and I texted him asking if she’s the one that carries HIM during sex and if she carries him to to the bathroom like he did with me and I told him that his biggest punishment is to actually end up with her. After that sex scene he described with her, I was fuming so I said these insensitive things. Part of me thinks he earned it. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 You’re right. I think from the shock of everything I was stunned and speechless, like I had no idea what was normal anymore or how to process everything. She’s probably as tall as him and probably heavier than him and I texted him asking if she’s the one that carries HIM during sex and if she carries him to to the bathroom like he did with me and I told him that his biggest punishment is to actually end up with her. After that sex scene he described with her, I was fuming so I said these insensitive things. Part of me thinks he earned it. Lol, you're sassy, that's good! Let him do him, you do you. Find a nice man who holds value in you and doesn't impose what he wants then blame you for it going to fast. First class loser right there, he will get what he deserves. I'm in contact with my ex and we never ever discuss what we do with others. There's no need to. This guy cares nothing about how he makes you feel. It's like he's boasting about it trying to make you think you're missing out on him. Pffffttttttt............you're the gem here darling, he's just a speck of dirt :) Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Something is really off about this guy. You were too infatuated to see the red flags, but they were there. Washing and brushing and braiding your hair, carrying you around, needing to numb his feelings to have rough sex with you? Girl. This man is strange. It sounds like he wanted a pet, not a girlfriend. And the red flags still there, considering how he thinks it's appropriate to share details of his sex life with you. That is appalling and speaks to his deeper character traits - and it's not good. Stop contacting him. He's not the man you hoped he'd be and he never will be. Link to comment
Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Something is really off about this guy. You were too infatuated to see the red flags, but they were there. Washing and brushing and braiding your hair, carrying you around, needing to numb his feelings to have rough sex with you? Girl. This man is strange. It sounds like he wanted a pet, not a girlfriend. And the red flags still there, considering how he thinks it's appropriate to share details of his sex life with you. That is appalling and speaks to his deeper character traits - and it's not good. Stop contacting him. He's not the man you hoped he'd be and he never will be. You’re right... the cracks in his personality (or who he pretended to be) showed up pretty fast afterwards. He’s not a bad person but he isn’t a good person either. I’m only saying that because I don’t want to define myself as the victim... he kept throwing me into these mental loops where I kept wondering over and over what I did wrong!? I trusted him and I let him “lead” me. Man was I so wrong. Seeing him take that girl skiing ate away at me cause he invited me to go days after we first started talking last April and then I remembered that he does it so “generically”. If he could clone himself and take him he would. Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Ew. Just...ew. He's telling you about his sex life with his new girlfriend?! What the heck even....????? Stop contacting him and move on with your life. You got played, and he's keeping you on the field as a reserve. Link to comment
Nano Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Ew. Just...ew. He's telling you about his sex life with his new girlfriend?! What the heck even....????? Stop contacting him and move on with your life. You got played, and he's keeping you on the field as a reserve. Oh he won’t play me again, I’m still reeling with hurt but he’s not someone I can’t trust ever again, even if I wanted to I don’t think I can forget all of the mistakes he did that led me to suffer. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Block him forever, and next time, listen to your gut when it's telling you something isn't right about a man. Link to comment
Nano Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Block him forever, and next time, listen to your gut when it's telling you something isn't right about a man. So true! And I’m not a big believer, but I’ve once heard that unrequited love is God’s protection and care. This man is confused and he doesn’t know who he is or what he wants. He’s almost 33 which is a bit sad because at this phase in life you’d hope he knows what he wants. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 So true! And I’m not a big believer, but I’ve once heard that unrequited love is God’s protection and care. This man is confused and he doesn’t know who he is or what he wants. He’s almost 33 which is a bit sad because at this phase in life you’d hope he knows what he wants. He knows what he wants. That seems very clear, actually. And it's not commitment. Link to comment
Nano Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 He knows what he wants. That seems very clear, actually. And it's not commitment. He told me he asked that new girl if she wanted kids... Link to comment
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