Online dating worry!

[Batya33]

Yes I agree dating seems to be escalating the issues even more. I just can't do the blind date thing, I need to meet someone in real life first to take the pressure off. I just can't be myself because I feel like I'm being judged so much.

 

So meet the person in real life -it's not a date, it's a first meet. Do you think if you meet someone for a few minutes at a bar and exchange numbers it's any different? And if you mean meeting someone in real life and getting to know the person before going on a date understand that comes with its own stress and confusion - if there's an attraction and you want "friends first" that means you are sending the message that you don't want to date that person badly enough. Many people looking for a relationship don't want to put the time in to hang out platonically before going on a date -they prefer to get to know the person overall and generally while dating.

[Tuna010]

So meet the person in real life -it's not a date, it's a first meet. Do you think if you meet someone for a few minutes at a bar and exchange numbers it's any different? And if you mean meeting someone in real life and getting to know the person before going on a date understand that comes with its own stress and confusion - if there's an attraction and you want "friends first" that means you are sending the message that you don't want to date that person badly enough. Many people looking for a relationship don't want to put the time in to hang out platonically before going on a date -they prefer to get to know the person overall and generally while dating.

 

It's basically a date as in they judge if they like you or not. It did feel different at a bar, I knew they were interested in my straight away, online dating is virtually blind dating, I mean you get a few photos and stuff but you still have no idea on how they talk and there demeanour as a whole. I met one guy who looked exactly like his pics, sounded like he did on the phone but I was completely repelled for reasons unknown to me even, my whole body just shut down it was really bad, I wanted to like him but there was no way I could but if I had of met him in real life at a bar I would of known this before having to go through all the awkwardness of meeting him etc

[Batya33]

Yes it is a chance you take. It depends how important it is to you tjetvjtey closely resembevtjeir photos and thetvtoir interaction in person is similar to that on line. I always assumed that I would not know if we would click in person because things like body language and energy and vibe and eye contact, posture, how he treats waiters or service people etc - you can’t onow until you meet in person. If his pictures were actually misleading which did happen to me then the issue was morecthe lie than what he looked like.

For me my expectation was that we’d have a pleasant time chatting for an hour or less and that we’d have enough in common to keep the conversation going. I didn’t judge but I did evaluate whether we should go on a first date in the future. For me I had to at least see potential for a spark and enough of our general mindset and life goals in common. If I met someone at a bar it was much harder to find out if he was looking for marriage and family. On the dating sites I used the guys had to answer those questions and to the extent they were truthful that helped in the screening process.