Bad habits?

[Gwgw]

Hi there!

Ok so i have been with this guy for 2 months... he told me about his past (10 years ago when he was around 20years old) that for about 2+ years he went to bars with his friends talked to random girls and got girls to go back to his place. Then he had a few permanent girls 2-3 of them that he would call whenever...you know.

It did bother me at first knowing about it cause i am a little on the quiet side, more serious, dont do stuff like that blah blah blah.

But he did explain that it was many years ago, he is not like that anymore. So i kinda forgot about it. Well put it in the back of my mind anyway.

 

Then he told me that in a few weeks in our town is a big party they drink they go bar hopping and i aksed him what do they do when they go to bars. (i am from another country) and he told me well we drink and then talk to random girls. I told him you are not single anymore and i dont thinks thats appropriate. and he disagreed he said how else are you gonna meet people?

he does not worry or get jealous, for him to get jealous he told me that a guy will have to touch my boob or something else for him to even react!?

 

So im wondering because he does not think like i do and does not get jealous at all, there are no boundaries? no line that you cant cross? He thinks its totally normal to talk to girls at the club while he is drunk and the girls are pretty drunk so intentions are different usually..

Also his best friend does the same thing(girls-sex only) since he was 17 until now (35 years old) and being with him while drunk i think is somewhat a bad influence??

(No he has not given me any reasons to think that he will cheat but also its a new relationship and his way of thinking is different than mine (boundaries) )

 

So now he has me worried that everytime he is out with his friends he is talking to random girls instead of talking to his buddies.

 

Any advise?

[indea08]

Your boundaries do not align with his. If you continue seeing him, you will only drive yourself to be insecure because he will not stop talking to other girls. And you will only drive him to resent you, because you'll be constantly on his case about talking to other girls. Relationships do not work when the people involved have such different boundaries. You will be much better off if you let this one go and find someone whose boundaries align with yours.

[Wiseman2]

It seems he wants to be free and single. Otherwise he would not have told you what he did "10 years ago". This was his way of warning you that he does not want anything serious and fancies himself a pickup artist as a sport he and his friends share and enjoy. It would be best after only 2 mos to cut your losses and free yourself to find someone who wants what you want.

been with this guy for 2 months... he told me about his past (10 years ago when he was around 20years old) that for about 2+ years he went to bars with his friends talked to random girls and got girls to go back to his place. he told me that in a few weeks in our town is a big party they drink they go bar hopping and i aksed him what do they do when they go to bars and he told me well we drink and then talk to random girls.

[Gwgw]

i know the past is past, you cant really judge a person for what they did 10 years ago but it kinda says who you are as a person what you thought about sex and girls and how you act when you are out at bars and clubs.

its not that you had 1-2 one night stands but you had multiple. and that was your goal when you went out.

for me that freaks me out a bit. but in your 20's most guys are like that they don't care, they don't want anything serious...

 

I have been in bad relationships before and i'm just wondering if i'm over reacting or too jealous or so "old fashioned"?

 

(He treats me well, we go out, he texts me or calls all the time, i have no complaint over that)

 

But i do agree with Indea, that its gonna drive me nuts and he is gonna hate that i keep bringing this up...

[thealchemist]

I agree with the above. (Wiseman)

 

Him telling you this sounds like a "just a heads up, I know this is inappropriate but I like to do it anyways"

 

I think him thinking that going through the routine of trying to pick girls up yet not going through with it is a bad sign.

 

Maybe he isn't ready for a real and meaningful relationship.

 

Also, his past actions ARE important in predicting future behavior. Especially when given that he still likes to do it, just says he doesn't hook up. Only for the "hitting on" aspect.

 

Sketchy behavior

[nutbrownhare]

he disagreed he said how else are you gonna meet people?

 

Does this guy consider himself to be in a relationship with you at all? Doesn't sound like it, if he still needs to go out and 'meet' people!

 

If he used to behave like this ten years ago, but doesn't any more, you could safely disregard it. However, since he doesn't actually seem to have grown up, and wants to go out bar-hopping just like in the old days, you can safely let yourself know this guy is NOT relationship material.

 

He's perfectly entitled to go out meeting random girls etc etc. And you're not obliged to have anything to do with a guy who does. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.