chelsea1032 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Hi everyone, I am new to the forum. I could really use some non-biased advice. To make a long story as short as possible, I have been dating the same guy for almost 10 years. We have been through a lot of trauma together, and we have always been best friends even when the relationship sucked. However, about half way through the relationship he started cheating. The first girl I found out about was an old friend of mine. We had "broken up" for the weekend because of a stupid fight, and he took that opportunity to sleep with another. (wow, fast right?) Mind you, we had always had little fights here and there, but had worked them out. When it happened we were still living together. After that, it went downhill. We had made it through that incident, but he continued having affairs and one night stands with multiple women behind my back for another 4 years. Not having the balls to break it off, claiming that he loved me. Mind you, I wasn't perfect, I worked until 4 am, drank a lot to hide my feelings, and was hardly ever in the mood for sex. Very insecure. However, I would have never known he was doing these things to me. I thought we were still in love. He would call me pet names, we did normal couple things, lived together, family holidays, vacations, etc. I found out about his secret life all in the same year. Naked women popped up on his computer, and I left him and moved out of state for a month. Upon returning, He begged for me back. Saying that he realized he was a narcissist, and even told me about some more women I didn't know about. He was ashamed and he saw how damaged I was from it all. We got back together, but continued to fight all the time. Finally, I broke it off recently. Well, its been over a month since then, and we had another serious talk recently. He told me how immature he had been, and was sitting there crying. He said he will never love another and that he will do anything to fix it. So we went on a few wonderful dates, and really started to look at each other as if we were beautiful strangers again. (I'm getting to the thing I need advice on, here it is). The night before our big talk when we decided to start being friends and "dating" again, he was out on Valentines day night. Mind you, we were not together, but I drove by his house. I couldn't help it. I had been doing so well, but that night I was feeing lonely and vulnerable and needed him. Plus I had been there earlier that day to see the dog we have together, and he had drawn me a sweet friendly picture. When I tried calling him from his driveway later that night, my calls were forwarded. He immediately called back the next day and told me he was at a concert and would have totally ditched it to have had the opportunity to see me, had he known. Well after we had started talking again, I found out that was a lie. I confronted him about it, although we were not together and it was none of my business. I only confronted him because he asked me if I had slept with anyone, and I answered no which is true. I wanted to know the same. He said no, but would not tell me the truth about valentines night. Said it was "unproductive" and negative. Swore he didn't sleep with anyone. However, things got heated because I still had not received an explanation for the lie about the concert. That's when he proceeded to say it was none of my business. I thought, what a hypocrite! Granted, we are trying to move forward. He is trying to protect me from more pain. But I feel I must know the truth. Otherwise, every single girl he is friends with will be a suspect and a problem moving forward. He refuses to tell me where he was that night, so I broke it off again and we are back at square one. SO question: Is it right that I MUST know who he slept with while we were separated? Do I have the right to be mad about his attempted cover-up story? Or should I let the past be the past if there is any hope of working this thing out? I'm so overcome with jealousy at the thought. And I bet more then likely, it was one of our mutual friends as to why he wont tell me. Link to comment
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