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Getting stuff back from ex.


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My ex broke up with me out the blue last week. I expected to be going to hers the next day so I've left loads of stuff there. I've been very clear that getting my stuff back was my priority and asked if she could just drop it in my parents' porch to avoid an awkward run in. She was a bit off, but said no problem. Their house is on her way to work so its not out of her way at all. I thought as she hurt me so much, she'd be nice and drop it off as soon as possible, but she hasn't. I just want my stuff back because I need it and also I want to completely wash my hands of her. I really want to avoid all contact with her, but should I send her another message to ask when she's dropping it off?

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Sorry to hear this. Take control of the situation and arrange a time to go get it yourself. You are responsible for your stuff, she doesn't have to deliver it to you for your convenience.

I thought as she hurt me so much, she'd be nice and drop it off as soon as possible, but she hasn't.
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Exactly, it's his stuff, therefore he's responsible for it. In fact now that he made his intent clear of wanting it back, if he doesn't collect it in 30 days she can legally keep it, sell it, give it away, throw it out, etc. She can also charge him storage daily fees from the time he stated he wanted it.


She would be a fool to allow more drama in the form of harassment such as "where's my stuff, it's damaged, it's missing", etc. She also should not be responsible for wasting her time energy and gas collecting up his stuff packing it up, driving it to where he wants, then unloading it. He needs to text her and arrange a mutually convenient time to go collect his things.

As much as she may not want to, it IS your stuff!
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Yeh, I agree with you that she owes me nothing. A relationship is not a contract and if someone wants out they owe the other person nothing. I'm not demanding that she go out her way. I thought the easiest thing was for her to drop my stuff in my parents' unlocked porch. It's the only way I could think of avoiding an awkward and unnecessary chat. It's on her route to work so all she has to do is get out her car and put my stuff in the porch. The chat will be equally awkward for her so surely it's in her interest to just drop the stuff?

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No it won't. Just text when to get your stuff. Go with a friend. Get in and out and leave. Unless she's a moron, she's not going to step in a trap of gathering up your stuff and being responsible for it or what happens on your parents porch, etc. Be the grown up and go get your stuff. It's lazy and irresponsible not to go get your stuff.

The chat will be equally awkward for her so surely it's in her interest to just drop the stuff?
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You are still asking her to make effort to get your stuff to you, all because you don't want it to be awkward. You'll survive it. Ask her to put it in a box and set it on her porch. Maybe she'll do that.


You say it's not much effort for her to take care of it but same could be said of you - it's not that much effort for you to go get your own stuff since you say you want it so badly. It may be your priority, but it isn't hers. If you insist on doing it your way you will be on her time and may not get it at all. You don't get to be pushy or demand she do it within a certain time frame when you could just as easily arrange to pick up the items yourself.


I imagine an ex - Say would you mind boxing my stuff up and dropping it at my parents' house? It's just to hard for me to look at you. Ummm...no. But you are welcome to come after it.


Sometimes you just have to suck it up, do the hard thing so you can move on with your life. You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.

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Thank you for your brutal honesty. It helps to see things from a different perspective. I don't often let my guard down in relationships, but I started to fall for this girl because she had pursued me for so long and was so expressive about how much she liked me. I really thought she was going to be the person I settled down with and she seemed equally keen. Then she broke up with me via a couple of texts as soon as I had left hers to hang out with a friend. I was really angry as I felt it devalued the relationship altogether. I guess I'm just angry about this as it's a further sign she didn't really care that much about me. But you're right, I'm equally as capable of getting my stuff. If she doesn't drop it tomorrow I will just text and ask if there's a time I can go with my friend to pick it up.

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